NERD WARS: Catwoman Vs Samus?
Hey there! I got that pizza you ordered. Oh Jesus, it's sexy!
Nerd, it's time for another Nerd Wars! Sexy Nerd Wars! This one to women. It's going to be Samus Aaron versus Catwoman from Jax Kobe. Thanks, Jack Kobe! Thank you, Jack Kobe!
I know there's different color outfits, but, uh, Wikipedia basically didn't describe that they were, uh, any real reason to have them fashion. But they're hot. No, they're not! You can have pink Samus or yellow Samus or green Samus. What's up, Sam?
Look, if we're going to talk about outfits, let's give the point to the woman, the girl with epic graphics at the end of Metroid! No, let's give a point to the woman who actually shows some cleavage. Can you fit a pixel between your fingers? I think that's one of those questions like, if a tree falls in the cleavage, what are you talking about?
Where she was stacked? No, no! Her head was about two pixels wide and her boobs each were four pixels! What are you talking about? Do you even know what cleavage is? You don't know what cleavage is! There was space between!
No, there wasn't! There was one white pixel right here, you dick! What? One white pixel? Be honest! Be honest! There's no cleavage. She has no cleavage! You have to go back and look. I played Metroid this morning, Metroid the original, and got to the end.
No, you didn't! No, I played all of them! No, you didn't! Yeah, and there’s no... you did not play them this morning! If you can lie, I can lie!
Point to Catwoman! To Samus Aaron for being a badass! Okay, so let's just say they get in a fight. They actually go and fight it out. Mhm, Samus is going to win. And what would your argument there be? She's got guns! She can crawl into a little ball and spin around, and Catwoman's a cat! And she'd just be like—
Wrong! Catwoman! Catwoman has—f! Catwoman has fought and beat numerous people who didn't roll into little balls!
Exactly! And that's her Kryptonite! No, that's the only power that the Metroid chick has—she can do somersaults. All right? That's like saying just because Green Lantern can make Kryptonite, doesn't mean he can't... he can't make Kryptonite!
He cannot make Kryptonite! You God, read a book!
Here's the thing, all right? The only thing the Metroid chick can do is somersault! All right? And if you've ever turned into a ball, if you've ever beaten up a 2-year-old, all right? They do the same moves! Don’t even try it! They do the same moves! She's got nothing! She's a worthless crap!
Wait! Your 2-year-old can beat up a turn into a little perfectly round sphere? Completely entertain a cat for hours and hours and hours on end, and then—and then Samus Aaron would pop out and go “bam! Missle to the head!”
It's not like... Missile to the head! It's not like she got Choo training!
Choso? What? Who—Catwoman trained with?
Not the cholos! I'll give you that—chol—
All right, name the best character you think Catwoman won against. The best character, like the most powerful character that Catwoman actually defeated!
I believe she defeated a homeless guy!
That was the answer—he was going to say! No, I was going to say Bane!
Bane's just a big guy, no brains! She's a poor man's Mega Man and she sucks!
Did you really just say that?
Yeah, I did! It's a better character than Mega Man!
Bll, you're right! I know! Mega Man versus Sam Aaron? Mega Man will kick her ass!
Mega Man would! But since we're not arguing that, it's against Catwoman! And Cat, you lose!
And the editing on this is going to be awesome because I'm just going to show Halle Berry Catwoman the whole time!
Okay! I want to make a point here! The Halle Berry Catwoman has nothing to do with... it's canon!
It's canon? No, it's not canon! It's not canon! It's not a comic book!
We didn't say comic books! No, the same way Captain N, all right? They had the chick for Metroid on Captain N! Not canon!
I'm going to invalidate then Samus Aaron in her yellow suit—it's just disgusting!
But yeah, the yellow suit is—[Music]—gross! Catwoman wins!
Okay! We want to know what you think! Who do you think won, cat or woodwin? No, Samus Aaron! Put it in the comments and, uh, let us know if you got other ones you want to argue!
Yeah! And send us pictures of you somersaulting because it impresses Jeff so [Music] much! [Music] [Music]