I Secretly Pitched A Fake Business On Shark Tank

So do we have a deal? No, no, never. You need your head examined. That's just terrible.

Okay, so let's back up for a second. This is Barbara Corcoran. She sold her real estate brokerage in 2001 for 66 million dollars. She's a judge on the Emmy Award-winning show Shark Tank. After years of watching her on TV, I got the opportunity to fly all the way to New York City to pitch my groundbreaking idea that I believe has the potential to make hundreds of millions of dollars over these next few years. Except there's a problem.

First, she has no idea that I'm pitching her an idea, and second, I don't have a billion-dollar product. So here's the plan. Step one: create a product in the next 24 hours. Step two: she can't catch on to us, so we gotta make it seem like a normal, regular, everyday interview. But then step three: pitch her such a good idea that she couldn't possibly resist. And then step four: profit! What could go wrong?

Is that recording us? Two claps, please. You have to realize that I had nine siblings competing for the attention of two parents, so I learned to be competitive. We all did. We're a competitive family; you had to be. The other thing that was very important in my childhood is I was a terrible student. I couldn't read or write till I was almost in seventh grade, so I was labeled a dumb kid. And as a dumb kid in that jailhouse, other people call school, I just couldn't wait for that bell to ring.

My idea of Hell on Earth was being asked to read out loud. It taught me shame, and I honestly think my whole career has been one long attempt to prove to the world that I'm not stupid. That really is true. It was an asset, but I didn't know it then.

What drove you to becoming an entrepreneur? My dad. My dad wasn't an entrepreneur; he should have been. In hindsight, I realized he got fired from his job probably every year of my childhood, and he would come to the kitchen table and sit down early, like five o'clock instead of six. "Dad's home!" And he said, "Guess what, kids!" And we'd all scream, "You're fired!" because it was such a common occurrence.

And then, just like a real-life John Wayne figure, he'd tell us how he told the boss to take his job and shove it up where the sun don't shine. And we were like, "Yay, Dad!" So in our family, we have 10 kids and eight are ten entrepreneurs. I'm sure that's my dad's influence. We all hate our bosses.

I've had great bosses, but I never really liked them because of my dad's influence. I thought it was terrible to have somebody telling you what to do. Did he ever worry, though, about losing his job? All the time, but you know, her word? Most my mom didn't know how she was going to feed her kids. She didn't know how she was going to clothe them. She worried her whole life, but it always worked out.

She had that capacity to kinda brave it through, yeah, and support my father in his job quitting, which I would have read him the riot act if I had 10 kids, you know? You know, money is all about expectation, I think. And as a kid, we were no poorer than the other kids in our town. We were all poor. You know, we all got new pajamas for Christmas. Now that might not sound like a big deal, but with all of us unwrapping on new pajamas every Christmas Eve, we felt like we were in Beverly Hills!

Like, put on a new pajamas, you know? Sure, but it's funny. We had so little, but my memory was we had everything because I really had loving parents. And I think that's what kids really are focused on and how rich you are.

This is perfect! It's clear that Barbara understands the value of every single dollar. She's gonna love my idea. Let me take it a little bit deeper, though. What you have as an advantage, if you're a poor kid, is you have no monkey on your back. You don't have parents hoping you're going to measure up, go to the right schools, perform well. So that's out of the way. You have nowhere to go but up. There's no downside; you have no money to lose. Think of the freedom of that!

That's what poor kids have. You know what else they have? They have ambition. If they have the ambition, they have a burning desire to have the fancy car, the nice house. They've never been on a luxury vacation, so they're driven.

I like to get poor kids like that because I understand where they're coming from, and I know they're going to push, push, push like crazy, and that's an advantage, without a doubt.

When did you start cutting people with negative energy? What prompted that? No one that I heard; she was terrible. I always think of negative people as being thieves. They're going to steal my energy, my goodwill, and the goodwill of my great agents all around me. And so I protect and I fire them.

I'm great at firing, in particular, on Fridays. I can't wait to fire a complainer. But you want to know something? That's not the real obstacle for me, and maybe not with other people. For me, the real obstacle was the negative tape in my head, and it took me years to rip it out. You know, the negative tape that says you're not going to make it, you're not respected, you don't have the right education, you can't do this, you can't do that.

I had so many 'cans' in my head, and it probably took me until I was 35 to really get rid of it. And I can't even say I got rid of it totally because if I'm insecure, I feel a little that bad. But now I have a great tape. "Yeah, you are amazing, Barbara. You are fabulous!" So I kick into that tape when I need that for the energy.

How are you approached to do Shark Tank? Oh, that was a lucky break. Another lucky break. Maybe as lucky as meeting my future partner at the diner, right? Mark Burnett called me because I was doing morning gigs on The Today Show in real estate. I was their real estate and house expert.

And I got a call from him, asking if I—well, not him personally; he's an important guy—his assistant to the assistant to the assistant and probably asking me if I'd be interested in the show. I thought I'd be interested. They sent me a contract and never read it. I just signed it, mailed it back at Federal Express right away, sure you know?

And then, uh, the same woman called to say Mr. Burnett had changed his mind. He had hired another woman. But when I got that quality, he changed his mind. The best thing I ever did was I did what I do well. I objected, and I wrote a note saying I appreciated him considering me as a fallback, which is what the girl said. How insulting! But I do my best work when I'm in first position, and you should consider inviting both women out to compete for the seat.

And I gave him my reasons why. Why I always recovered from rejection. I said, "I think your rejection is my lucky charm. It's always been my lucky charm," and told him why he should hire me. And he invited us both out to compete for the seat, and I won it! Thank God I spoke up.

I think it's time we test the waters a little bit. I'll ask her this question, and maybe it'll help me with my pitch. Have you ever met an entrepreneur or seen maybe a personality type, and you could just tell this isn't for you, you shouldn't be an entrepreneur?

All the time that entrepreneur or couple or group of people walks on the set. I look at them, and already I know if I'm out. And it's interesting: why am I out? It's just an intuitive reaction to the individual. I either look at them and say, "I don't trust them," or I look at them and say they're not going to have the confidence to overcome obstacles because they can't hold eye contact when they're on set.

Right from the get-go, they're looking here; they're scared. What red flags do you notice in entrepreneurs? Same red flags I'm always looking for. You know, when somebody's on Shark Tank, the world opens up to them. They become a mini-celebrity overnight. Their orders come in even if the business is never going to do well. It does well at first because of Shark Tank night; they sell oodles of their product.

Don't pay attention to anything until about three to four months later when I get the call. The call is, "Oh my God, my patent didn't come through!" Or, "Oh my God, my product is at fault," or, "Oh my God, my product never came in," or "Things are wrong."

And here's the difference: a bad entrepreneur will be an entrepreneur who blames it on somebody else. That's all I'm listening for. The minute they start playing victim, like, "Oh, he promised me," versus saying, "It's my business; I'll take the hit. Let me tell you what I'm going to do about it."

I would say that four out of five people in month three or four, I hear that pity party, and I don't spend any more time with them. I'm never going to get my money back out because people who spend time feeling sorry for themselves versus just reacting, getting back up, and doing it never make it.

That's the way I really see Shark Tank. I sit there choosing people. I don't really give a damn what the business is if it makes common sense. And, you know, if it doesn't make common sense, and I have a good entrepreneur, they'll change it.

Yeah, you know, we'll change it together, so it always works out. Excellent! That means my billion-dollar idea doesn't even have to be that good. I'm gonna be rich!

How is your business currently broken down? My major business is real estate investment. Okay, I love real estate. I know it; I know it well, and you can make a lot of money in real estate. My major income is from remortgaging my properties. I take a ton of cash out every two or three years. I can put a different mortgage on that, boom, and take that cash out tax-free, and it's legal. So I consider that my main source of income.

Then my hits on Shark Tank pay well when they hit and cost a lot of money when they don't. Yeah, but in the end, I make good money. Not like I wouldn't real estate over the long term.

Yeah, and then what's my revenue? I'm a working girl. I mean, I give speeches; I do endorsements. I do whatever you do to make money on your brand, and that's what I do. That's the third source of income.

How else do you invest your money? Do you do anything outside of real estate? Not a thing. It's always said that it's bad to have all your eggs in one basket, but this is a basket I know, and I've always done well with it. So I just don't like to leave my knitting into something else; it's better.

What would you say your worst investment has been? I don't even think I have an answer, but what’s coming to mind? My worst mistake I made in investment was I backed out when I was 29, buying my first studio in Greenwich Village. I just didn't have the courage; I was afraid, and I backed out of the deal. That was the worst mistake I ever made.

The best best investment I ever made was four years later when I caught up with the market and bought a studio—the same studio I could have bought at half price, or well, close to half price four years earlier. I got it four years later. That's how long it took me to catch up to the real estate market here, but what that did was it provided me a ticket into investment. I traded that for a one-bedroom, traded the one-bedroom for two bedrooms.

This is a moment of truth! Subscribe right now! So this goes well—the real reason I came all the way here is because I have an idea that I want to pitch.

TV, here we go! I think you're going to invest in it. I bet not. I think you will. I think I could change your mind. Introducing the Toilet Topper. Good name, though, since you're flushing money down the toilet anyway.

Did you know standard toilets flush seven gallons of water? The average person flushes the toilet five times a day, and it's 24% of total water used. Ten thousand gallons of water are wasted per household per year. The average cost for water is two cents per gallon. But do you want my two cents? Yes, I do.

Okay, good! What if I told you that there's a way to save money and save the environment? But wait, what if I told you—I'm waiting, I'm waiting—that my product pays you to use it, and my product will generate a 100% return in its first year? That my product could make people millions of dollars instantly? I wouldn't believe you.

Introducing the Toilet Topper. Now, products are still in design phase; we're still trying to figure out how this product is going to look, but the premise is that this will displace one gallon of water in the back of your toilet and save you one gallon of water per flush. It saves five cents per day on your water bill times 365 days, which is $18.25 per year of savings.

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get better! It seriously—it can't get better. It does! I mean, it's worse! You could actually make an extra million or two million dollars! I'll show you! I'll show you how very shortly.

And I'm serious. I'm sure you want to put your name on this—100%! And I would not be wasting your time on this. So this is the benefit. This is the pitch—it sucks. No, it's not. You're not going to get anybody to invest tonight. Just wait! I still have another minute!

Now, let's say that you're the property owner of a 400-unit apartment building, and you pay the water. It's the land, okay? A hundred gallons of water per day times 400 units, and these are real numbers, by the way, based on the national average.

14.6 million gallons of water are used in your building. I'm going to say, "Toilet Toppers in use!" That saves you 1.75 million gallons of water at the cost of 2 cents per gallon, which is the average. That saves you $35,000 a year in net profit.

Now, at a three percent cap rate here in New York, that's an added value to your building of $1,167,883.20 of a higher property value that you could cash out refinance! I could tell she loves it. This product is a no-brainer! It saves money; it saves water. This is perfect and couldn't possibly be going any better!

So do we have a deal? No, no, never. This is just terrible! And you know that! This has got to be a joke! You need your head examined; that's just terrible! Get this guy a drink; he needs to be drinking early in the day!

Okay, so that might not have gone as planned, but we still have four sharks left. So make sure to subscribe and see how my next pitch goes, because maybe, just maybe, I'll get my $69,420 investment!