From Doomer To Bloomer | My Story

How can we turn from tumors into bloomers? As a 30-something year old guy who has had his fair share of doomer phases in life, I would like to tell you how I discovered the causes of these dark periods within myself and changed for the better.

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First of all, I want to thank my latest Patreon supporters. Thank you, Adonus. Thank you, Lars. Thank you, Kevin. And thank you, Mark. Your support is very much appreciated. So, let's begin.

I believe that most guys that call themselves boomers are a bit younger than myself, but the doomers suffering isn't anything new; it just comes in a different form. 19th century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard experienced a condition called melancholia, and even the Buddha dealt with existential suffering before he became enlightened.

I remember a time in my twenties in which I was miserable and jaded towards the world, which was partly because of traumatic experiences in my youth and partly existential. This state repeated itself twice in my early 30s, and I found relief in a substance called alcohol. I was a binge drinker, and I also drank to ease my anxiety. Sometimes I even drank in the morning before I stepped out of the door into a hostile world.

When I think back about those times, I see myself lying in my bed with a hangover from the previous night, browsing the internet on my laptop. My then-girlfriend was probably out of the house either at work or at Scala, so I had the time to indulge in my other guilty pleasure besides Bourne conspiracy videos.

Every day, I absorbed all this information on how humanity is doomed, how we are nothing more than servants of the Illuminati, how the world is going to end in 2012, and how George W. Bush was actually a member of the reptilian race that's here on earth to enslave us. On some days, I was too anxious to leave the house; on other days, I did leave the house to go to my internship, and I took a sip of water to start the day.

When I took public transport, I listened to the most depressing music I could find at the time just to dwell in bleakness while seeing shades of grey passing by. The years that followed were characterized by mental instability and substance abuse. I experienced phases of great pleasure and joy, social connections, and phases of anhedonia, which is a mind state in which one doesn't feel any joy or pleasure anymore.

During that time, I had my highest highs and lowest lows. It was only a few years ago that I discovered why I was so prone to these periods of darkness. A personality test—the same test as famous Dr. Jordan Peterson always talks about—showed me that I was high in neuroticism as well as openness. And by high, I mean extremely high; both traits were almost maxed out.

Now when I think of it, I'm not surprised, as I was back then. Doomers are very prone to a phenomenon called "Weltschmerz." Weltschmerz is a pain and sadness one can experience because of the world's imperfections, no matter if it's war, poverty, injustice, or genetic inequality. A doomer is attracted to the same thing that hurts the most: the dark side of life and the pain that comes with it. He is a masochist, and so was I.

Taking interest in the world's suffering as well as swallowing the proverbial red pill requires a degree of openness. As opposed to many blue pill people that reside in blissful ignorance, we are receptive to a plethora of ideas and theories. They are fuel for a wild imagination and not uncommon inspiration for our creative pursuits.

A danger of being high in openness is that it often goes together with emotional instability. This is where a trait like neuroticism comes in. Scoring high on the trait neuroticism means being emotionally very reactive. This can cause the following sub-traits: anxiety, anger, depression, self-consciousness, in moderation, and vulnerability.

Having been through these tumor phases myself, seeing the doomer feels like I can look into his soul and see that openness and neuroticism are in a constant war with each other while feeding each other at the same time. A doomer cannot stop looking into the abyss. This enforces his neuroticism, and his neuroticism drives him to continue his expedition.