15 Ways People Are Wasting Your Time
Guess what, Aluxer? People waste your time a lot of the time. You may notice sooner rather than later. You might only notice once they've taken a big chunk of it. And the worst, you may never notice. You might be giving your time and effort to people who will never give it back to you. It's your most valuable commodity that's in your control, so you need to share it wisely.
And we're going to help you by giving you the 15 ways that people are wasting your time. If someone in your circle is ticking off more than five of these boxes, well then maybe you should reevaluate their role in your life. Starting off our list with: they say they'll do things, but they don't. Being unreliable is one of the most annoying personality traits. We need to feel safe in this world, right? We need to feel like people will have our backs and that we can depend on them.
From trusting your partner to make dinner this evening because you're working late, to a friend coming to help you out when you're stuck in the middle of nowhere. Reliable people are the best people to be friends with. If you have someone in your life constantly saying they're going to do something and they don't, they're wasting your time.
Flaky friends who make plans but don't show up. A plumber who plans to fix your leak and then makes excuses when someone tells you they're going to do something, but they keep not doing it. They're sending out the message that they don't respect you or your time. If you can't do something, don't say you will. And if you say you will, fulfill your commitment.
They are indecisive and they can't give straight answers. We all have those moments when we struggle to make decisions. It's important to work at making better, faster decisions because our minds shouldn't be bogged down with mundane things. We're actually naturally quite a decisive species, but with so many options, we become confused. It's our job to work on this.
When people around you constantly struggle with deciding which design to go for, what to eat for dinner, what time to hold a meeting, your time and patience is ticking by. There's a hierarchy to decision-making and simple things like what to eat and what to wear shouldn't take you more than a few seconds. Even at work, when you're answering to other people, you need to know your stuff enough to be able to analyze everything and make a decision.
They talk too much and say too little. Look, some people just love the sound of their own voices. You could check in and out of the conversation multiple times and they wouldn't even notice. Why are you even still standing there? Even if you think you're ignoring them, your brain is half-listening and processing. So you're using energy. Either steer the conversation in a direction that benefits you too, by asking the right questions, or just excuse yourself and walk away.
They move at a different pace than you do. This is a controversial one because we all move at our own pace and there isn't anything wrong with that. Okay. But we also all want to be in different places. And if the pace they're moving at is holding you back, then maybe it's best to create some distance so you can actually move forward here. A future CEO and an assistant in a surfing shop are moving at different paces, but they can still be good friends.
This doesn't mean you need to completely abandon them. If you've got a childhood friend who has different dreams from you and moves at a different pace than you, but you value the friendship, then absolutely hold on to it. But know that you're more likely to slow down to their pace rather than them speed up to meet yours.
They don't communicate clearly. There are four different types of communication styles: passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive, and assertive. We want assertive communication here: that's straightforward, honest, and polite. It's the best way to optimize your time and energy. You get your message across in the fastest, clearest way possible. But not everyone is like this, right? Some people love passive-aggressive ways of communicating where they allude to having an issue but want to seem calm and relaxed about it. It's a frustrating time waster.
Others are passive, so you genuinely have no idea what they want. And then there are people who are aggressive. With this communication style, you end up having to defend yourself so you don't have the space to get to the root of the issue. And that is a total time waster.
They always complain and don't do anything about it. Humans love complaining, okay? It gives us the sense of importance. It makes us feel better, up to a point. But when venting turns into constant complaining, then that's a major time waster. The people you spend your time with should bring value to your life, just like you bring to theirs. If they're nitpicking and finding issues with small things and making mountains out of molehills, then you're going to spend most of your time listening to them drone on and on and actually not get anything out of the conversation.
Neuroscientists say that our brains sync together, so the more time you spend with someone who complains often, the more likely you are to complain and be negative yourself.
Their priorities are different from yours. Opposites only attract up to a certain point. From there, you need some foundational things in common to continue a friendship or relationship. If one person values working hard and being financially stable while another values partying and living without constraints, well, you're going to be butting heads over the smallest of things. These people aren't intentionally wasting your time, and you're probably wasting theirs too.
Trying to get someone to live the life you want is unfair and a lost cause. You have three options here. Either you distance yourself, you end the relationship, or one of you makes the sacrifice and forgoes their lifestyle for the lifestyle of your partner. A compromise would be great, but it rarely works when your priorities, values, and belief systems are totally different. You're only prolonging the inevitable, and they won't meet you halfway.
Imagine you've got a friend who lives two hours away. You both want to see each other, but you're always the one who has to drive all the way to their place because they don't want to meet you halfway. Friends and partners who always want things their way. From the movie you watch to the dinners you eat and the activities you do. They're not the kind of people who will meet you halfway on that drive.
Relationships thrive when each person makes a small compromise rather than one person making a big sacrifice. If you're always the one sacrificing, then that's going to bring down your self-esteem. It'll start making you feel like your needs and wants aren't as important as theirs.
They don't pay attention when you point out a bird. Okay. Okay. So this one sounds kind of nuts, but it's been proven. Psychologist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman popularized the concept of a bid for attention. So if one person tries to get affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection, the way the other person responds to that bid can impact the relationship over time. So if you point out a bird to your partner and they ignore you, Gottman doesn't predict great odds for your relationship.
But if they're interested and look for the bird too, well, that's a great relationship. People who don't care about the things that are important to you are just not worth your time.
When they need your help, but they don't delegate. Sometimes people need your help, and the job could be done in half the time, and then you can both relax. But that's not always how it happens. People who try to do everything themselves might think they're doing you a favor and making themselves look good, but they're not. They become a bottleneck in the workflow where you have to wait for them to finish their work to start yours. You're going to spend more time fixing mistakes than if they just told you what they needed right away.
And on the flip side of this, when they can do it themselves, but they always need help. The other side of the coin is people asking you to help them with the silliest, smallest tasks, or if they ask for help with something you've shown them before. As much as it is for us to want to help people out, we also have a sixth sense for when someone is messing with us. So if it seems like they're asking for help too often and it's affecting your downtime, it's probably time to put a stop to that.
They constantly message instead of call. Now, this might seem small, and millennials and Gen Z are going to hate this, but back-and-forth messaging is a major time waster. If you're going back and forth and they don't want to jump on a call to resolve things within a few minutes, then they could potentially be stealing hours from your day. One call could fix it all. So, you know, maybe we should all start dialing again.
They talk about people, not ideas. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people. A little gossip here and there is good for laughter and lightheartedness, but that shouldn't be the center of your conversations. You need to have discussions with people who ignite a spark within you. You should leave feeling like you're brimming with ideas, not with some dislike of your new arch-nemesis. Because look, who's got time for that?
They love the drama. When someone says, "I don't know, drama just seems to follow me," run. Okay, run away. People create drama, and some do it more than others because they love the attention and excitement it brings. They make mountains out of molehills. They follow small problems until they find a bigger one, and they put themselves right in the middle of it. Before you know it, you will be a part of the drama, too. The best thing to do is to slowly step away and try to do it without them noticing. Okay? Because you stepping away might cause some more drama too.
And finally, they lie or exaggerate a lot. Everyone seems to have that one friend whose lies and embellishments they actually tolerate. We don't want to point out how obvious their lies are because we feel embarrassed about it. We never know what's real and what isn't. Oh, their dad owns a casino and can fund and invest in your business idea. Sounds crazy, but here you are spending hours talking about something you know isn't true. That's an absolute time waster. So walk away and don't look back.
Now, I like some of these time wasters. Could do with a second chance, and others will bring you down the more time you spend with them. But now we want to turn the conversation over to you. We would love it if you shared a story with us in the comments. Tell us about an experience where someone wasted your time. How did you get past it? Share your tips and tricks with the community so we can all learn from it.
We'll see you back here next time, my friend. Take care.