Talking politics: A Thanksgiving guide to divisive conversations | Debra Mashek | Big Think

Families are going to be gathering around tables. Those families, there’s no guarantee that they’re all going to be thinking the same thing or believing the same thing, and there are basically three choices here.

Either you charge right into the political discussions and it blows up because you’re not necessarily prioritizing the relational aspects of it. Number two is you could totally avoid politics, even though it’s on everybody’s mind. Everyone is tiptoeing around the eggshells. Instead, we’re going to talk about what a beautiful color the flowers are, which also misses the opportunity to be known and to really know with any depth or nuance the other people around the table.

The third option is to actually talk about the politics, but to do it in a way that preferences understanding. So, seek first to understand and then to be understood. That isn’t trying to reach agreement. You’re not trying to change anyone’s position. You’re just trying to understand where they’re coming from.

And the best tools for doing this are questions. Things like, "How do you see it?" "Can you help me understand how you came to that perspective?" or "Hmmm, that’s an angle I haven’t thought about before." I’m wondering if you can unpack that for me a little bit and tell me more about what’s there.

Asking questions like, "I’m wondering, is there an experience that you’ve had that really convinced you about having this position?" If you just keep asking questions, chances are you’re going to learn something about the people sitting on the other side of the table – your parents, your siblings, your aunts, your uncles, the stranger somebody invited over to dinner.

And perhaps your mind will be opened a little bit. You’ll have some thoughts you haven’t had before. To me, that’s the Thanksgiving blessing. So, last year, we at Heterodox Academy created this little postcard that we went out to people in our community, and there was just a blessing at the bottom.

May your Thanksgiving table be graced with intellectual humility and curiosity...