How much I spend on dating

What's up you guys, it's Graham here. So, I have been blown away with how much demand there is for legitimate frugal dating advice. And of course, with that, everyone wants me to talk about how much money I spend dating and wants me to go over my dating budget breakdown. So, okay, let's go ahead and do that!

Really, all of this started because my girlfriend made a guest appearance on my second channel called The Graham Stefan Show and on my Instagram. Which, by the way, this is a very subtle plug for you to go and add me on my second channel, The Graham Stefan Show, because I post there every day. I'm not posting here, and also on my Instagram, because I post slow-motion videos of my cat on Instagram. So just go, go and add me on there.

But seriously, I was rather surprised with how much interest there's been around the topic of dating and relationships and learning how to find someone who shares similar values to you, not only in life but also financially. Because I have a feeling for most people watching, not only do you want to be able to meet someone who you get along with, but who also shares similar financial goals as you. And if not, that could be a deal-breaker in many relationships.

Like, chances are it's not going to work out if you have a beer budget and the other person has champagne tastes and vice versa. Like, especially for me, frugality and resourcefulness is something I really value. Like, I really enjoy living frugally. I enjoy budgeting. I enjoy saving money; I enjoy pretty much investing all of it besides the occasional watch. I look for those qualities in another person as well.

So, I'll go over my own experiences when it comes to dating and finding someone who shares a similar financial outlook as you do and also how much money I spend on dating. I'll also share several of my favorite frugal date ideas that you could do without looking totally cheap for doing them.

First of all, here's my philosophy when it comes to dating and finding someone who shares similar frugal financial goals. The biggest mistake that I think you can make from the very beginning is leading with overpriced dinners, super expensive drinks, or very expensive experiences, thinking that the more money you spend, the better the date will be. I can tell you hands-down that is a huge mistake, and how much money you spend on a date does not matter whatsoever. If anything, you can actually work against you.

Here's the thing: you attract what you put out. If you're out there flashing luxurious steakhouse, expensive lobster dinners, and fine wine dates, chances are that's going to be what you get. You're going to set the expectation that this is now going to be the tone of the relationship moving forward, and you're going to attract the type of person who values and fits that. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with that, if that is genuinely who you are and what you value as a person. But that is a problem if that's not congruent with the type of person you are, and you're using an expensive date as a substitute for actually building an authentic connection with someone.

So, if you want to find someone who shares similar financial values to you, then it's so important that you are upfront with exactly who you are and the types of experiences that you value, and then you start doing that from the very beginning. It should just be an opportunity for you to get to show your personality and enjoy each other's company for who you are. The more authentic, open, and genuine you are from the very beginning, the more likely you are to attract the type of person who likes you for you.

So when it comes to this, here are some frugal date ideas that not only save money, but they're a ton of fun and really give you the opportunity to get to know each other in such a way where there's not some weird awkward small talk or anything weird like that. And you can also save money at the same time. This is what they are:

First, we're going to be talking about the cheapest date idea out there, and that would be the free event. Every single location out there has a free event at least every week that you could basically just go and show up to. In Los Angeles, they have free concerts on the pier, free art walks, free museum days, and food truck meetups. The options here are limitless!

Something like this makes the perfect date, because not only is it free, but it's also pretty interesting. Plus, something like this isn't so over-the-top that it could be intimidating to the other person. It's super casual; there's no pressure, and usually, a conversation can just happen naturally because there's just so much to see and comment on. And maybe, just maybe, if the date goes really well, those free events usually sell churros, and everyone loves a good churro.

Now the second idea is going to cost you a little bit of money, but it's still incredibly cheap for what it is, and that would be to go to a café and people-watch. Yes, this actually means going and spending money on coffee, which is something that hurts me inside to ever suggest! I am deeply sorry because I myself cringe when I hear myself saying that. But let's also be realistic here; when you calculate the cost per hour in terms of experience, spending money on coffee and people-watching is a pretty good deal.

Now, I certainly know there's some stigma that meeting for coffee is kind of lame, but that's where the people-watching comes in. Just pick a super unique hole-in-the-wall café with interesting people and have fun making up random scenarios about who everyone is and what they do for a living. Or even just go and try to decide which person in the room is going to be the crazy cat lady. A café like this usually just serves as a background for you to do something a little bit different than most and put a cool twist on something that's usually a lot less formal than dinner. Some places even have cat cafés you can go and hang out at. I mean, how unforgettable of a first date would that be, to go to a cat café? Unless they're allergic to cats, in which case that would definitely be unforgettable for the wrong reasons.

The funny thing is I talk about cat cafés, and then Ramsey jumps up on the counter here. So, he wants to be a part of the video. Who am I to deny you from being in a video? You want to be in a video? Yeah, I'm going to put him in the video.

Now, third, a personal favorite of mine is to skip the dinner, skip the drinks, and instead just go straight to dessert. Here's my thinking with this: on a first date, it's really just about getting to know the other person, and going out for dinner and drinks is a very expensive way to see whether or not it's a good match. So instead, just go straight for desserts. Because, first of all, it's a unique idea. Second of all, it's going to be fun and memorable. Third of all, everyone loves dessert. And fourth, it's a lot cheaper than dinner.

So just go and meet up for ice cream or find one of those places that sell a dozen cookies for four dollars. Then just embrace your inner sweet tooth and have a lot of fun eating a ton of processed sugar. The sugar high that you get might also make you look a lot cooler because both of you are buzzed on sugar. And again, it's just a very fun experience. Not many people are asking each other out for desserts, so it's unique. Just go for it; it's a lot cheaper than anything else.

Ramsey's being very distracting right now, aren't you? And number four, if you still want to do the whole dinner idea, you could still do that on a budget by instead going to one of those really cool unique hole-in-the-wall places. Now here's the thing with those hole-in-the-wall places: usually, they have very, very good food. Second of all, there's usually a really cool story about how you found that place in the first place. Lastly, it's usually a lot less expensive than if you go to a more formal restaurant.

Plus, any time you invite someone to one of your hole-in-the-wall restaurants, it almost seems a little mysterious. It's almost as though you're bringing that person into some sort of inner secret that only a few people know about. It creates a really unique vibe for the entire date. Now, obviously, never take your date to one of those hole-in-the-wall places that's known for its food poisoning and roach infestations, but there are plenty of family-run restaurants that not many people know about because they never advertise. Those are the places to go to.

Finally, if you are going to be going all out with dinner and drinks, at least do me a favor and do it on a budget by doing the dinner and drinks on happy hour. Usually, happy hours are during somewhat inconvenient times, like from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. Purposely get there at like 5:45, just so you can get the tail end of the happy hour and get the happy hour menu. It's the same food, it's the same drinks; nothing's changed except now you save a lot of money for the exact same thing. Your date is not going to care if you order off the happy hour menu, and if they share a similar financial value as you do, they're just going to be very impressed with how financially savvy you are.

Now, from here, I was really surprised with how many comments I got saying how expensive girlfriends are or how much money you have to spend in a relationship. I'm just sitting here thinking, what are you talking about? Having a relationship does not need to cost a ton of money! You can have an amazing time without breaking the bank, and here's a few ideas that I personally really enjoy. Like, the first idea might be going on a hike or taking some sort of scenic walk together, and the cost of doing that is absolutely nothing! Because you're just moving your legs back and forth to get somewhere; that's it.

And if you really want to go all out and splurge, and just, you know, make it rain, maybe you can get a bottle of water and some snacks going hike Area 51 for all I care. But some of the best dates that I've been on have literally just been taking a walk down the beach, taking a walk down one of the popular main streets in the city, and just having fun. You end up getting some great conversation; you get some great exercise, and the best part about all of it? It doesn't cost anything. The cost for doing that? Zero.

Another really great date idea is just to cook food at home. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I think it's a huge hassle to go and get dressed, and then get in a car, and then drive somewhere in traffic, and then try to find parking, and then have to wait to be seated, and then have to wait for your food to be ready, and then pay an expensive bill by going out to a restaurant. To me, that's just a lot of work! Instead, it's usually so much easier, so much less stressful, and usually a lot more fun to cook food at home, and all of that can be done for a fraction of the price.

Like for instance, take an oven-roasted salmon and pasta dinner. Any fine restaurant would charge you like 25 to 30 dollars a plate, not including gratuity. I can make the same thing for two people for at least under 16 dollars. The salmon might cost anywhere from 7 to 8 dollars for two people, and the pasta might cost anywhere from four to five dollars for two people. Maybe add on another few dollars for seasonings and maybe like a lemon if you're feeling spendy. That works out to be under eight dollars a person for a very fun, amazing, memorable experience, as long as you don't overcook the salmon.

Or another one, you could buy this $3 frozen pasta pack from Trader Joe's, and all you need to do is add some cheese and garlic, and there you go! For under $2 a person, you can enjoy a Gordon Ramsay style frozen meal for very cheap. And actually, this is really good! Low-key, this is where it's at. Plus, it's also just a lot of fun to cook food with somebody else. It just becomes a really enjoyable, memorable experience. It's so much better than just going and sitting down in a stuffy restaurant and then eating food. It's a lot more personal too because this is something that you ended up cooking and making yourself.

The third, if you want the ultimate date idea on a budget, go and build something from IKEA. Ideally, this should cost you nothing extra because you would just be buying stuff from IKEA anyway, and now, if anything, you could enlist the help of your significant other to help you build it; free! Nothing puts a relationship to the test like building something from IKEA. Not only is it incredibly fun, but also it tests your relationship to see how well you guys get along long-term. When you get in arguments together, you're going to have to deal with the other person insisting they're right, and the piece you put in correctly was not put in backwards. Because the instructions were very clear that you put them in the right way, you're going to have at least four fights! But you're going to have so much fun, and the time you spend together is going to be priceless.

I guarantee anytime you ask a significant other or a date or whatever to go and help you build IKEA furniture, they're going to say yes because it's fun! Everyone likes building IKEA furniture. And fourth, if you want a frugal date idea that you could also spin off as being kind of romantic, go and do a picnic. Going on a picnic is really the perfect blend between going out to a restaurant and cooking at home for the price of cooking at home.

Plus, going on a picnic is just fun, and it doesn't seem like people ever really do them anymore. It's really as simple as just going to the grocery store and getting some snacks or preparing some food at home, then taking a towel with you and putting a towel down in a cool location. Then you could sit down and eat; you can go to the beach, you can go to the lake, somewhere you can find some really cool unique location and just post up there. Bring some wine if that's your thing. This is your chance to be totally creative and put your own spin on things. Again, doing something like this does not need to be expensive whatsoever, and it is a fraction of the price of going out and eating at any sort of restaurant.

But finally, if you are going to be going out to a restaurant, and you are going to be going that route, then you might want to look into potentially splitting a meal. You can still get the exact same experience of going out to a restaurant and doing something fancy, except now it costs half the price. Just make sure if you do this that both of you can agree on what to eat and both of you have a similar taste in foods. Like if someone is allergic to shellfish, then maybe you should not be getting the shrimp scampi.

But for real though, going and sharing a meal is by far one of the easiest ways you can get the exact same fun experience of going out to a restaurant, except now you're getting it for a fraction of the cost. Beyond that, anything else you could do for dates is really just up to your imagination. Go and check out some car shows for free, pick out a few shows on Netflix that you guys can go and binge-watch, go and check out some cool antique shops, and go and make fun of some threads that you see on Reddit.

You don't need to absolutely shun the idea entirely of spending money, but you could still have a really wonderful time without completely going broke. Again, the entire purpose of this is just to have the experience of having a great, memorable time without using money as a substitute for doing so. You can absolutely date and have such an amazing time for the same cost, if not less, than you would spend just going and hanging out with your buddies on a weekend.

And really, when it comes to me, I find myself really not spending anything extra when it comes to dating because that's just already within my entertainment budget anyway. Like, I'm usually going to go out on a Saturday night and either have dinner with friends or go and do something with my buddies. If I go and spend a night indoors or cook food at home, it's the exact same cost for me as if I'm going and doing something else.

Again, the entire point of doing this is just to be able to do something that makes both of you happy that you both enjoy, that creates really amazing memories and experiences together. And that's what this is all about. At the end of the day, it's not about using money as a substitute for a great date or trying to impress anybody. It's just about having a really good time, and that does not mean that you need to spend a lot of money to do that.

So, with that said, you guys, thank you so much for watching. I really appreciate it. If you guys enjoy videos like this, make sure for Ramsey that you hit the like button. Also, make sure to subscribe; I post three times a week. So if you want to be a part of that, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell. Also, make sure to add me on Instagram; I post pretty much daily, so if you want to be a part of it there, feel free to add me there.

Finally, add neon lights! I can channel The Graham Stefan Show. I post there every single day; I don't post here. So if you want to see me now every single day, just make sure to add me there. Thank you for watching, and until next time!