Stop Wanting, Start Accepting | The Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius

Although he never considered himself a philosopher, Marcus Aurelius’ writings have become one of the most significant ancient Stoic scriptures. His ‘Meditations’ contain a series of notes to himself based on Stoic ideas, one of which is embracing fate and living conformably to the demands of nature. Instead of wanting things to happen as we wish, we’re better off accepting the universe, according to Marcus Aurelius, and developing a flexible attitude towards the outside world while being strict with ourselves.

Yet, most of us want our lives to be pleasant and expect our environment to provide us with what we need to feel content. We want friendly people around us, and we want to achieve our dreams and ambitions, remain youthful, and live without misfortune. And often, we’re not content with our bodies and inborn talents and refuse to accept our flaws. In short, there’s a lot of ‘wanting’ involved with being human (especially nowadays) and very little ‘accepting’ regarding outside circumstances.

But the more we want from the universe, the more we’re susceptible to disappointment. In all likelihood, despite our efforts, we’ll encounter not-so-nice people, won’t achieve our dreams and ambitions (or just partially), will meet with adversity, and we certainly won’t escape old age. And if these unavoidable experiences distress us, we become playthings of our environment, emotionally dependent on its whims. In his Meditations, Marcus Aurelius repeatedly encouraged himself to embrace fate precisely the way it comes and live well regardless of the circumstances.

This video explores why it’s better to accept the universe rather than oppose it and try to change it. By the way, you’ll find more Stoic wisdom in this book - Stoicism for Inner Peace - which contains my collected works on remaining calm and focused. You’ll find a link in the description.

(1) Accepting other people

Suppose someone throws an insulting joke at your expense or at the cost of someone you love. How would a Stoic philosopher react? Would he get angry or even use physical violence as a response? Marcus Aurelius urged himself not to make more out of an event than it is. In this case, someone made a joke at your expense. But did the joke itself affect you? That’s not possible. A joke can only harm you if you let it. Anger, violence, sadness: these emotions are of your own making and do not accompany the joke itself.

Marcus Aurelius wrote about people speaking evil of you: “Add nothing of your own from within, and that’s an end of it.” End quote. Dealing with other people means dealing with the unpredictable and uncontrollable. Some people are good and moral, others are evil and immoral, some are hardworking and helpful, and others are lazy and exploitative. Some like to make jokes; others are quick to use violence.

Marcus Aurelius emphasized that regardless of people being arrogant, ungrateful, deceitful, and unsocial, we all share the nature of being human. Human nature consists of beauty and ugliness, so he encouraged himself to accept everyone and not be perturbed by evil people. In his mind, we’re here to cooperate, not act against each other (which is contrary to nature).

We want people to act as we wish, but reality teaches that people have their own will: their behavior is not up to us. We can influence them, but, ultimately, they’ll say what they say and do what they do, how irrational and stupid their actions may seem. And thus, spending copious amounts of energy on trying to change others is a waste of time and better used in other areas.

I quote: “Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.” End quote.

(2) Accepting transience

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