13 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE UNDERVALUING YOURSELF WITHOUT REALIZING IT | STOICISM INSIGHTS

Imagine just for a moment that the most powerful tool for a meaningful, fulfilled life isn't something you can buy, earn, or be given by others. It's already within you, waiting to be discovered and harnessed. This isn't just a thought experiment; it's a reality grounded in the wisdom of stoicism, a philosophy that has guided countless individuals through the ages toward living with purpose, resilience, and tranquility. Stoicism teaches us that the key to a life well-lived isn't found in external accolades or material success, but in mastering the art of valuing ourselves through the virtues of wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance.

It's a powerful reminder that despite the chaos and challenges of the external world, we hold within us the unshakeable foundation for our own well-being and happiness. We're peeling back the layers of societal expectations and self-doubt to uncover the timeless stoic principles that can transform the way we see ourselves and our place in the world. This journey is about more than just self-improvement; it's about rediscovering our inherent worth and learning to live in alignment with our deepest values.

So, if you're ready to unlock the doors to personal freedom, resilience, and fulfillment, you're in the right place. Let's embark on this adventure together, exploring how the wisdom of stoicism can illuminate the path to valuing ourselves like never before. The only thing I ask of you is not to skip this video in any way. If you're here, consider yourself different from the majority, consider yourself an exception. Now, act like one and don't skip any part of the content.

It's something we've all been guilty of at one point or another, right? Whether it's sticking around in a job that drains the life out of us, staying in relationships that don't uplift us, or not chasing after the dreams we hold dear because we're scared, we settle, we compromise. But why do we do that? Is it fear? Is it comfort? Or maybe it's a bit of both? Stoicism teaches us that our true worth, our essence, isn't swayed by these external circumstances. Whether you're in a palace or a prison, stoicism tells us that what truly defines us is not our situation but how we respond to it.

It's about recognizing that while we may not have control over every aspect of our lives, we have the ultimate power over our own perceptions, judgments, and actions. Think about it. When we accept less than we deserve, aren't we essentially saying that our external circumstances have more power over us than we do? Stoicism invites us to challenge that notion. It encourages us to ask ourselves, "Is this situation aligning with my values? Am I responding to this in a way that reflects my true worth?"

And if the answer is no, stoicism doesn't just leave us there in a state of despair. No, it empowers us. It says, "Look, you have the power to change your perception, to choose your response, and in doing so, to transform your reality." So when you find yourself accepting less than you deserve, remember this stoic wisdom. Remind yourself that your worth is not determined by your job title, your relationship status, or the size of your bank account. Your worth is determined by your ability to remain true to your values, to act with courage, wisdom, and integrity, no matter the circumstances.

This isn't about blaming ourselves for our situations but about empowering ourselves to see and seize the control we do have. Let's not settle for less, not because we're entitled or arrogant but because we recognize our inherent worth. Let's respond to life's challenges with the strength and resilience that come from knowing who we are and what we stand for. And when we do that, we're not just living; we're thriving in true stoic fashion.

Stoicism, with its profound understanding of human nature, doesn't encourage us to boast or inflate our egos. But what it does encourage is a fair and honest recognition of our own efforts and virtues. Why? Because acknowledging our achievements is not about feeding our pride; it's about recognizing the work, the discipline, the perseverance it took to get there. It's about honoring our commitment to our goals and our adherence to our values.

Let's break it down a bit. In stoicism, virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance are central. When you achieve something, no matter how big or small, it's often because you've exercised these virtues. Maybe it took courage to apply for that job, wisdom to navigate the challenges along the way, or discipline, a form of temperance, to organize that closet. When you attribute your success to luck or diminish it as something anyone could do, you're not just undervaluing the outcome; you're undervaluing the virtues you practiced to get there.

So how do we change this mindset? How do we start acknowledging our achievements without tipping into arrogance? The stoic approach is all about balance and honesty. It's about saying, "Yes, I worked hard for this. Yes, I faced challenges and overcame them. And yes, this achievement is a reflection of my effort and my virtues." It's about giving yourself credit where credit is due, not for the sake of your ego but for the sake of truth.

Now, I want you to think about something you've achieved recently. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. Think about the virtues you practiced to achieve it. Maybe you showed incredible discipline, maybe you took a brave step out of your comfort zone, or perhaps you used your wisdom to solve a problem. Whatever it is, take a moment to acknowledge it, recognize the virtues behind the achievement.

This exercise isn't about patting yourself on the back; it's about seeing the truth of your own character and effort. Embracing this stoic practice can transform the way we view our successes and ourselves. It moves us away from false modesty and towards a genuine appreciation of our own strengths and capabilities. It teaches us that acknowledging our achievements isn't about ego; it's about recognizing the virtues we've embodied and the hard work we've put in.

It's a common scenario, isn't it? Whether it's staying late at work to help a colleague, skipping your morning run to make breakfast for your family, or putting your own dreams on hold to support someone else's, it feels noble, selfless, even heroic at times. But here's the twist: constantly putting others first at the expense of your own well-being can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self. It's like trying to fill cups from an empty pitcher.

Stoicism isn't about being detached or selfish; in fact, it places great emphasis on virtue and the betterment of society. However, it also teaches us the critical importance of self-care. Why? Because caring for oneself isn't selfish; it's the foundation of being able to care for others effectively. Stoicism reminds us that to be of service to others, we must first ensure that we are in a good place ourselves, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Let's unpack this a bit. Stoicism teaches us about the dichotomy of control, understanding what is within our control and what isn't. Our own thoughts, beliefs, actions, and yes, self-care are within our control. The well-being of others, as much as we may wish otherwise, isn't directly under our control. What we can control, however, is how well-equipped we are to offer help, support, and love to those around us. And that starts with taking care of ourselves.

Think about it this way: when you're well-rested, healthy, and at peace, how much more patient, understanding, and present are you for the people in your life? How much more effectively can you contribute to their well-being? This isn't just about physical health; it's about mental and emotional resilience. It's about having the inner resources to be compassionate, to offer wise counsel, and to be a source of stability and strength for others.

So how do we strike this balance? How do we ensure we're not neglecting our own needs in the process of helping others? It starts with recognizing that self-care isn't a luxury or an afterthought; it's a necessity. It means making time for things that replenish us, whether that's exercise, meditation, reading, or simply spending a few quiet moments alone. It means setting boundaries and being okay with saying no when we need to. And it means doing these things not out of self-indulgence but out of a commitment to being our best selves for the people we care about.

I want to challenge you to think about one way you can prioritize your own well-being this week. Maybe it's committing to a daily walk, carving out time for a hobby you love, or setting boundaries around your work hours. Whatever it is, remember that this act of self-care isn't just for you; it's a way of ensuring that when you do show up for others, you're showing up as the best version of yourself.

Stoicism teaches us the importance of viewing ourselves objectively. This means recognizing and acknowledging our strengths just as openly as we acknowledge our areas for improvement. It's about understanding our value not in an egotistical way but in a balanced and fair manner. Why do we struggle with accepting compliments? Often it's because we're viewing ourselves through a distorted lens.

We might be focusing too much on our imperfections, or perhaps we're conditioned to believe that acknowledging our strengths somehow makes us arrogant. But here's a stoic perspective to consider: humility is not about denying our strengths; it's about recognizing them in a grounded and realistic way. It's about seeing ourselves as we truly are, without the embellishments of ego or the shadows of insecurity.

Stoicism teaches us that our worth is not diminished by acknowledging our achievements and strengths. In fact, accepting compliments graciously is a way to practice self-awareness and objectivity. It allows us to see the virtues we possess and the efforts we've made, giving us a clearer understanding of our true selves.

When someone compliments us, they're often recognizing something genuine in us, something worth praising. Dismissing these moments robs us of the opportunity to see ourselves through another's eyes, to understand our impact on the world around us. So how do we get better at accepting compliments? It starts with adjusting our mindset.

When someone offers you praise, try to see it as a mirror being held up to your virtues and efforts. Instead of deflecting, take a moment to consider the truth in their words. You can practice by simply saying thank you – no minimization, no deflection, just gratitude for the recognition of your efforts and qualities. Moreover, stoicism encourages us to use these moments as opportunities for reflection.

Ask yourself, "What did I do to earn this praise? How does it reflect my virtues and efforts?" This isn't about feeding your ego; it's about understanding and acknowledging the part of you that's capable of excellence and impact. Have you ever stood before a choice, perhaps seemingly simple, yet found yourself paralyzed, unable to decide? This hesitation, this fear of making the wrong choice, is more than just indecision; it's a reflection of a deeper issue: a lack of self-trust.

It's as if we're standing at the edge of a diving board, looking into the pool below, knowing we need to jump but unable to make the leap. Stoicism offers a lantern in this fog of indecision. It teaches us that the essence of wise decision-making lies not in guaranteeing outcomes but in basing our choices on wisdom and reason. Stoicism reminds us that while we cannot control the outcome of our decisions, we have complete control over the process of making those decisions.

It's about aligning our choices with our values, acting with integrity, and accepting the outcomes, whatever they may be, as part of the natural flow of life. Why do we fear making decisions? Often it's because we're afraid of making the wrong choice, leading to outcomes we perceive as failures or mistakes. However, stoicism invites us to reframe our understanding of mistakes and failures. In the stoic view, every outcome is an opportunity for learning and growth.

There are no failures, only lessons. This perspective encourages us to trust ourselves to make decisions with courage and confidence, knowing that whatever the result, it will contribute to our development and understanding. But how do we cultivate this trust in ourselves? How do we strengthen our decision-making muscles, so to speak? It begins with embracing wisdom and reason.

Before making a decision, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself, "Does this choice align with my values? Am I acting with integrity?" By grounding your decisions in your core values and reason, you ensure that regardless of the outcome, your choice was made with the best intentions and understanding you had at the moment. Stoicism teaches us the importance of accepting and learning from the outcomes of our decisions. Every result, whether it's what we hoped for or not, holds valuable insights.

It's an invitation to reflect, to understand what worked, what didn't, and how we can apply these lessons moving forward. This process of reflection and learning fosters self-trust. It reassures us that we are capable of navigating the uncertain waters of life, making decisions that reflect our values, and growing from every experience. Stoicism teaches us the art of discernment, particularly about where we direct our mental energy.

It tells us that obsessing over our flaws and failures, beating ourselves up for every perceived misstep, is like trying to sail a ship while ignoring the wind and tides—we're focusing on the wrong things. The stoic wisdom implores us to recognize that perfection is an illusion and unattainable mirage. The goal instead is progress—continuous and deliberate steps towards becoming better versions of ourselves.

Why do we fall into this trap of excessive self-criticism? Often it's because we're measuring ourselves against impossible standards—ones that we wouldn't dream of holding anyone else to. We forget that being human inherently means being flawed, making mistakes, and, most importantly, having the capacity to learn and grow from them. Stoicism offers a powerful antidote to this self-imposed tyranny—the practice of self-compassion and the pursuit of progress over perfection.

Self-compassion from a stoic viewpoint isn't about cuddling ourselves or making excuses for our shortcomings. It's about treating ourselves with the same kindness, understanding, and forgiveness that we would offer to a good friend. It's recognizing that setbacks are not indictments of our character but part of the human experience. When we stumble, the stoic response isn't to berate ourselves but to ask, "What can I learn from this? How can I grow?"

Embracing this mindset requires a shift in how we perceive our journey. Every effort, every attempt, even those that don't yield the results we hoped for, is a step forward. Progress, not perfection, becomes our mantra. This doesn't mean we become complacent or indifferent to improvement. On the contrary, it means we pursue growth more fervently but with the wisdom to know that growth is often non-linear, fraught with challenges, and beautifully imperfect.

Why is it so easy to fall into the comparison trap? Part of it is human nature. We have an innate tendency to gauge our own value and accomplishments against those of the people around us. But in the age of social media, this inclination is amplified to an unprecedented degree. We're bombarded with snapshots of others' lives that seem to showcase only the peaks, never the valleys, leading us to question the worth and significance of our own experiences.

Stoicism offers a potent antidote to this malaise—the cultivation of self-awareness and gratitude for our own journey. It encourages us to redirect our gaze inward, to focus on our personal growth, virtues, and the progress we've made. Stoicism doesn't advocate for isolation or indifference to others but promotes the idea of inspiration over comparison. It teaches us to admire the virtues and successes of others without diminishing our own value or progress.

How can we apply stoic principles to combat the comparison trap? First, by practicing mindfulness and catching ourselves when we start comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel. It's about reminding ourselves that social media is a curated gallery, not an accurate reflection of everyday life. Second, stoicism teaches us the value of focusing on what's within our control—our efforts, our attitudes, our virtues. These are the seeds from which our unique journey grows.

By concentrating on nurturing these seeds, we cultivate a garden that's rich with personal significance, independent of external validation or comparison. Lastly, gratitude plays a pivotal role. By fostering gratitude for our own experiences, challenges, and achievements, we anchor ourselves in the present and appreciate the richness of our own lives. This doesn't mean we become complacent; rather, it empowers us to strive for improvement and growth from a place of contentment, not inadequacy.

Have you ever found yourself putting off that course you wanted to take, that hobby you wanted to start, or even neglecting your self-care routine? It's something many of us are guilty of. This isn't just about not having enough time or resources. At its core, it's often about not recognizing our own value. It's as if we're saying to ourselves, "I'm not worth the effort." But here's the thing—stoicism, with its profound insights into human nature and ethics, challenges us to view self-improvement not just as an activity but as a form of self-respect.

Stoicism teaches us that our capacity for reason and virtue sets us apart, and it's through the cultivation of these that we find true fulfillment. Seneca, a stoic philosopher, likened life to a garden. Just as a garden requires constant tending to flourish, so too does our inner world require attention and care. Neglecting our personal growth is akin to neglecting a garden. Without investment, both will fail to thrive.

But why do we often hesitate to invest in ourselves? Sometimes it's because we're caught in the trap of immediate gratification, choosing fleeting pleasures over long-term fulfillment. Other times it's due to a deeper issue—a lack of self-esteem or the belief that we're not worth the effort. Stoicism, however, provides a counter-narrative. It asserts that every individual possesses inherent worth and potential for virtue. Investing in our growth—be it through learning new skills, exploring hobbies, or practicing self-care—is a testament to recognizing and honoring that worth.

How, then, can we start to make that investment in ourselves in line with stoic philosophy? It begins with shifting our mindset. We need to start seeing self-improvement as an essential, non-negotiable aspect of our lives. This doesn't mean overhauling our lives overnight; instead, it's about making small, consistent investments in ourselves. It could be as simple as reading a book on a topic that fascinates us, dedicating a few minutes each day to meditation, or taking up a hobby that brings us joy.

Moreover, stoicism teaches us about the importance of reflection and self-examination. This practice allows us to understand our strengths and areas for growth, guiding our personal investment efforts. By regularly taking stock of our lives, setting goals, and reflecting on our progress, we foster a sense of purpose and direction. This process of self-reflection and goal-setting isn't just about achieving external markers of success; it's about aligning our actions with our values, cultivating our virtues, and living a life of purpose and meaning.

Another key aspect is embracing the concept of lifelong learning. The Stoics believed that wisdom was not a destination but a journey. Adopting a mindset of curiosity and openness to new experiences can transform the way we view personal investment. It's not a chore but an adventure, an opportunity to explore the vast landscapes of knowledge and experience that life has to offer.

True validation comes from within, from living in alignment with our values and principles. The Stoics believed that the only things truly within our control are our own actions, intentions, and responses. Marcus Aurelius eloquently reminded us that it's not the opinions of others that disturb us but our own judgments about those opinions. Why do we find ourselves seeking external validation? At its core, it's often rooted in insecurity and a deep-seated fear of not being enough.

In a world that constantly bombards us with messages about what we should be, do, or have, it's easy to lose sight of our own path. But stoicism invites us to redirect our gaze inward, to focus on cultivating our character and living a life of virtue. It teaches us that true peace and fulfillment come not from the fleeting and fickle approval of others but from knowing we've lived true to ourselves.

So how can we break free from the chains of external validation? The first step is self-awareness. By becoming mindful of our tendencies to seek approval, we can start to question the motives behind our actions. Are we pursuing a goal because it aligns with our values or because we're seeking applause? Stoicism teaches us to engage in regular self-reflection, to examine our intentions and ensure they're rooted in our own values and principles.

Another stoic practice that can help us combat the need for external validation is the development of self-sufficiency. This doesn't mean isolating ourselves or becoming indifferent to others; rather, it's about finding contentment and fulfillment within ourselves, recognizing that we are complete as we are. Epictetus, another stoic philosopher, emphasized the importance of focusing on what's within our control and letting go of what isn't. By cultivating inner contentment, we become less reliant on external sources of validation.

Stoicism also encourages us to redefine our concept of success. Instead of measuring success by external accolades or achievements, stoicism teaches us to measure it by our ability to live according to our values. Success, from a stoic perspective, is about the pursuit of virtue, the practice of reason, and the cultivation of resilience in the face of life's challenges.

It's like finding ourselves in a dense forest where the air is heavy, the path unclear, and every step feels like a struggle. Whether it's a toxic workplace that drains our spirit or personal relationships that leave us feeling undervalued, the decision to stay often stems from a deep-seated belief that we don't deserve better. But here's where stoicism offers us both a mirror and a map.

The Stoics believed that our environment can significantly influence our ability to live virtuously and find contentment. However, they also emphasized our responsibility in shaping our surroundings and choosing our associations wisely. Marcus Aurelius reminds us that our inner peace is not determined by our external circumstances but by our responses to them.

Why do we tolerate negative environments? Often it's because we underestimate our capacity for change. We might fear the unknown, cling to the familiar, or doubt our worth. Stoicism challenges these fears and doubts by encouraging us to recognize our inherent value and the power we possess over our choices and attitudes. It urges us to question the belief that we are trapped and to realize that more often than not, we have the agency to change our circumstances or our perception of them.

Stoicism offers us tools to navigate and transform our environments. One key stoic practice is the cultivation of inner resilience and autonomy. This doesn't mean adopting a stance of indifference or detachment; rather, it's about strengthening our inner citadel, as Marcus Aurelius calls it, so that we can remain steady and true to our values even in the midst of chaos and negativity. By fostering a strong inner core, we become less susceptible to the toxicity of our surroundings and more capable of making choices that align with our well-being.

Another stoic principle that can guide us is the idea of living according to nature, which includes seeking harmony within ourselves and our environments. This means actively seeking out or creating environments that are conducive to our growth, health, and happiness. It's about recognizing that we are deserving of respect, kindness, and positive interactions and making the conscious decision to not settle for less.

In practical terms, seeking environments that nurture our growth might involve setting boundaries in personal relationships, seeking new opportunities in our careers, or even changing our social circles to include more supportive and positive influences. It also means investing time and energy into cultivating a personal environment through practices like meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that support our mental and emotional well-being.

Why does fear have such a hold on us? Often it's because we're acutely aware of what we stand to lose. Our minds paint vivid pictures of failure, of time and effort wasted, of the judgment we might face from others. Stoicism acknowledges these fears but invites us to ask ourselves, "What do we stand to gain?" It encourages us to weigh our fears against the potential for growth, fulfillment, and the realization of our dreams.

Stoicism teaches us that the pursuit of virtue, of excellence in line with our nature, is in itself a worthy endeavor, regardless of the outcome. One of the stoic practices that can help us overcome the fear of pursuing our dreams is the premeditation of evils, or what's known today as negative visualization. This involves contemplating the worst-case scenarios, not to dwell on them but to diminish their power over us. By considering the potential hardships and accepting that we can endure them, we often find that our fears are less daunting than we imagined.

This doesn't mean we become reckless or heedless of risks, but rather that we approach our dreams with a balanced perspective, recognizing that failure, while possible, is not the end but a step in our journey of growth. Another stoic principle that can embolden us to chase our dreams is the concept of amor fati, or the love of fate. This is the idea of embracing whatever life throws our way, not just with resignation but with enthusiasm.

When we pursue our dreams guided by amor fati, we open ourselves up to the full spectrum of experiences—successes, failures, joys, and disappointments—all of which are integral to the human experience. This acceptance frees us from the paralyzing grip of fear and allows us to move forward with courage and determination. Stoicism emphasizes the importance of acting in accordance with our own virtues and potential.

It reminds us that our true worth is not measured by external achievements but by our commitment to living virtuously, to striving towards our goals with integrity, diligence, and courage. In this light, the fear of pursuing our dreams is not just a barrier to success; it's a barrier to living a life that's truly ours. Why is it that we so often forget this fundamental stoic lesson?

Part of the reason lies in our natural desire for connection and validation, which when unchecked can lead us to seek our worth in the reflection of others' opinions or in the milestones of success we achieve. However, stoicism teaches us that true worth comes from within, from living in accordance with our nature and virtues. Epictetus eloquently stated that freedom is not secured by fulfilling our hearts' desire but by removing our desire.

This principle applies profoundly to how we perceive our worth. True freedom and contentment come not from external validation but from recognizing and embracing our intrinsic value. Stoicism encourages us to shift our focus from external achievements to the cultivation of our character. It teaches us that our worth is measured not by the titles we hold, the wealth we amass, or the approval we garner, but by our commitment to live virtuously, to act with integrity, kindness, and courage regardless of our circumstances.

This isn't to say that achievements and recognition don't matter, but rather that they are not the source of our worth. Our worth is innate, as immutable as the stars in the night sky, and recognizing this frees us from the relentless pursuit of external validation. How can we cultivate this stoic understanding of our inherent worth? It begins with self-reflection, with turning our gaze inward to acknowledge and appreciate our virtues, our efforts, and our resilience.

It involves practicing gratitude for our abilities, our character, and our potential, recognizing that these internal qualities are the true measures of our worth. It also means learning to detach our sense of value from the fluctuating opinions of others and the transient nature of achievements. This detachment isn't about indifference; it's about perspective, about understanding what truly matters in the grand scheme of our lives.

This feeling can stem from a variety of sources—past traumas, societal conditioning, or personal failures. We compare our journey to others', seeing only the highlight reels of their lives while being acutely aware of the behind-the-scenes of our own. This comparison, fueled by the misconception that happiness is a finite resource awarded only to the deserving, leads us to doubt our worthiness. Stoicism encourages us to dismantle these misconceptions and to recognize that happiness is not a reward but a way of living.

It invites us to reflect on our values, to align our actions with these values, and to find joy in the pursuit of virtue and the practice of reason. Stoicism teaches us to focus on what is within our control—our thoughts, actions, and reactions—and to let go of what isn't. This perspective empowers us to take charge of our happiness, to create it through our daily choices and attitudes.

How can we embrace this stoic approach to happiness? It starts with changing our narrative about worthiness. We must challenge the belief that happiness is conditional on achievements, external validation, or perfection. Instead, we should view happiness as inherent in the practice of living virtuously, in making the best choices available to us, and in appreciating the present moment.

Additionally, stoicism teaches the importance of gratitude. By practicing gratitude, we shift our focus from what we lack to what we have, from perceived inadequacies to the abundance present in our lives. This shift in perspective is crucial in feeling deserving of happiness, as it allows us to see the beauty, opportunity, and potential in our everyday lives.

Stoicism reminds us of the significance of community and support—happiness is not a solitary journey. By fostering meaningful relationships, by supporting and being supported, we recognize that our worthiness of happiness is affirmed not just by ourselves but by the collective wisdom and love of those around us.

As we journey together through the wisdom of stoicism, let us carry with us the understanding that our lives are canvases upon which we have the power to paint with the vibrant colors of virtue, resilience, and happiness. Remember, you are the architect of your own destiny, the sculptor of your own happiness. The path may be strewn with challenges, but it is also lined with the potential for immense growth, joy, and fulfillment.

You are deserving of happiness, capable of achieving your dreams, and worthy of every bit of love and success that comes your way. I encourage you to watch this suggested video on the screen—it dives deeper into the stoic practices that can transform your life, offering insights and strategies to live with intention and joy.

If this conversation has resonated with you, if it has sparked a flame of recognition or curiosity within your heart, I ask you to like and share this video with your friends. Let's spread the wisdom of stoicism far and wide, empowering others to recognize their worth and pursue their happiness with courage and conviction.

Join us next time for another episode of Stoicism Insights, where we'll uncover even more treasures hidden within the philosophy of the ancients. Until then, remember to live bravely, love deeply, and seek the joy that is your birthright. Stay tuned, and keep seeking wisdom!