The reason I'm single

Lots of you guys, it's Graham here. So here we go! I've gotten way too many comments from people asking about my relationships, what I think about dating, what it's like dating when people know you have money. And then, of course, a lot of people seem to ask about gold diggers and how to prevent gold diggers, and more comments about gold diggers.

And then you have actual comments from people who legitimately just want my opinion on having a relationship versus using that same time to go and make a business and go and make money. This is something I've avoided talking about for a very long time, mostly because I wanted to keep this channel focused around real estate and finance, and credit, and making money—and smashing that like button before I ask you to go and do that. But there's obviously a lot of demand for a topic like this. So here we go! Here it is!

Now, just to get some background here, I would say that pretty much since high school I've been in relationships more often than I've been single. And maybe that answer might surprise some of you because I've never talked about or posted anything publicly on my relationships. A lot of the reason for that is because I believe a relationship is complicated enough on its own, and throwing a big social media presence in on top of that just seems like a recipe for disaster with very little upside. So I've just kind of kept it away from it all.

But given all of that, I definitely have the dating experience from two totally different opposite ends of the spectrum. One is as me completely broke, living on $5 subway footlong sandwiches, and the other with a large social media following, where I'm literally publicly posting about how much money I'm making and what I'm worth. So anyway, here are my thoughts when it comes to relationships, my experience with dating, making money, answering all the other questions you guys have wanted me to answer, and gold diggers—everyone wants me to talk about gold diggers, so sure, fine, you know, we'll talk about gold diggers.

So first of all, I've just noticed this really strong entrepreneur mentality out there of just get money. That gets thrown around a lot, or like that stupid relationship status picture that people post on Instagram of just like not single, not taken, I'm building an empire. It's basically this notion that relationships are a waste of time, that they're a distraction, that ain't nobody got time for that, and instead, I am in a relationship with my business. And I'm not here to criticize anyone's choices, and if that's something they live by, that's fine. But for me personally, there is no way I would be here today if it wasn't for the support and encouragement of several of my past relationships.

Like my first long-term girlfriend ever was with me on the day I found out I didn't get into college, and I thought my life was over. And she really gave me this support and encouragement to say, you know what? Forget it, I'm just going to go and get my real estate license instead. She also really encouraged me any time I was feeling unsure of myself in the beginning of my career, and having that really just meant the world to me. And even though it didn't work out, it was still such a valuable learning experience.

Like, to be completely honest, I don't think I would be here today if it wasn't for the complete heartbreak of getting dumped by her. At the time, I had no friends. I was so lonely, I was so depressed. I felt like such—I felt so worthless. I basically felt like I lost my entire world. So, basically, what did I do? I used all of those feelings and emotions, and I put that into my work. Work became my entire outlet for all of the anger and frustration I was experiencing. And looking back, thank God for those experiences where I did nothing but basically just work for three years straight because doing that was what really catapulted my career.

I really believe that everything happens for a reason and that whole negative experience was really a blessing in disguise. And since then, I've been really fortunate to have had a series of just really great relationships, and all of those, I believe, have just been instrumental in helping me get to where I am today. Even when I was first starting this YouTube channel, my girlfriend at the time was so encouraging of me when I had 20 subscribers, and people were calling me an idiot on the internet. She really believed in me, and having all of that really helped push me through that initial hurdle of thinking like, oh she—can I actually do this? And just really having someone like that on your side, in my opinion, is just completely—it's priceless.

Now again, even though that one didn't work out either, I regret none of it. And I'm really grateful for those experiences that have helped me grow more as a person. I think all of it is really just an important part of growing up and learning what you want out of life, and then using all of those experiences as a learning lesson for the future. However, I think one of the biggest concerns people have when it comes to this is that they believe a relationship is just going to take time away from their work or be a distraction from making money. And I think it's a totally valid concern. I've been in that situation many more times than I would like to admit where my career just takes priority over everything else, and work is just my focus.

Anytime you're working to build something from the ground up and really make your mark, sacrifice is just required. And your time just needs to be prioritized. And I'll tell you what ends up happening: sometimes people don't get the attention they want or deserve or need, and that becomes detrimental to keeping a healthy relationship. Now here's my take on it though. Now maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like a lot of the people who say that they don't have time for a relationship, that that's a distraction, and you should just go and make money, usually just say that as an excuse for why they can't get a girlfriend.

Now, of course, that's a totally separate topic that I am NOT going to get into. But assuming that is not you and you do believe that a relationship right now is going to be distracting and you just don't have time for it, then chances are, you know what? You're right, and it's really important just to have the self-awareness to recognize that. But if you do find a healthy balance between having a relationship or dating and building up a business at the same time, then I'm 100% for it. I think if both people just understand the situation and support each other, then that's all you can possibly ask for. It never needs to be like a one or the other decision, like so many people paint it out to be. Like, you do realize it is possible to have a relationship and build an empire at the same time, right? This isn't some motivational Instagram post to get likes on your entrepreneur page; like this is real life.

And even though that might take time away from making money, sometimes having that person by your side can more than make up for it. So now with that said, knowing that my audience is like 90% male and everyone wants me to talk about gold diggers and how do you keep away the gold diggers, let me tell you a story. I was 22 years old when I started putting myself out there to date again. That was three years after my first girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Yes, it took me three years just to gather up the courage and repair my self-esteem enough just to put myself out there and start dating again.

I'm not gonna lie, when I was 22, I felt like I had made it. I was driving around a chrome orange Lotus Elise, I had just bought my second rental property, I was making six figures in real estate, and from the outside looking in, I felt like I was the shit. But the problem was, I still didn't know who I was as a person. I wasn't emotionally ready to open up, I was still way too insecure, and let's be real, guys, girls hate that. Like trust me when I say this: no amount of money is ever gonna help you if you lack confidence. All the money, all the cars, all the houses in the world, they make no difference. Even now, trust me when I say this: your money does not matter. Ninety-nine percent of women out there do not care.

There's so many angry teenagers out there who just believe that women are out there to steal their money or that any girl who happens to like a successful guy is a gold digger. No, like, okay, I'm sure some of that exists; let's not kid ourselves here. But the vast majority of women care more about having a genuine connection with someone than they do about the size of that person's bank account. And if you think money is gonna make you more attractive, then I think you're gonna be very, very disappointed. What made the biggest difference for me was not money; it was when I worked on myself and my confidence, and I found my purpose, and I figured out exactly what I wanted out of life.

Once I got my own life in order internally, then everything else changed, and none of that has anything to do with how much money you have. Plus, let's be real, you guys, like I'm way too frugal for any sort of gold digger to be into me. Like, just think about that for a second. I would be the worst choice for any sort of gold digger to ever be interested in me. Like most of my videos on this channel are on how to save money and not spend it. Like I'm sitting here trying to get my electrical bill down five dollars a month by doing laundry on off-peak times and eating eggs and oatmeal for dinner because it's cheap.

Like gold diggers don't see that, blow off peak electrical hours; that's awesome. I'm just not that type of guy that those types of girls would be into, no matter how much money I have. I just believe you'll become a much more attractive person by focusing on what you want to achieve, having a passion, sticking with what you believe in, and having integrity than you will be some relationship-hating 100 millionaire Meisner who believes every girl is out there to take his money.

And part of becoming that attractive person is just learning how to be okay on your own, and being okay with being alone, and not relying on another person to bring you happiness. I believe you gotta be a happy, fulfilled person on your own first before you can have any sort of healthy successful relationship with somebody else. And I think that's something that just takes time and life experience to get to that point. I've always found that the right people come into your life when you're in your element, you're in your zone, you're doing your thing, you're not looking for anything in particular, and then everything just effortlessly falls into place organically.

Now, one more thing I gotta mention here: I'm always humored when I post a video on saving money and I get the inevitable comment like, "Yes, the only reason she's able to save so much money is because she's not married!" or the other comment like, "Oh yeah, no, you can tell he does this but good luck doing this when you've got a girlfriend, then that's gonna go all out the window!" I gotta say, I don't know what type of women these people are dating or marrying, but I have never once had that experience.

I have never once felt like I've had to spend money to impress anybody or keep someone happy. And I think any relationship that centers around you continuously spending money to make the other person happy, or to keep the relationship going, is first of all not a healthy relationship and something that's probably not going to last. And sure, I'm all about spending money on great life experiences and having a good time, but there's nothing about that that needs to be expensive or drain the bank account. Like most of the time, it's more fun just to cook at home and enjoy each other's company than it is to go to one oak and get bottle service. But you know what? That's just me. I acknowledge that my outlook is not for everybody, and I'm sure there's plenty of people out there that would rather just go to the club and, you know, make it rain, whatever.

So be it, but that's just me, and I'm not out there to try to impress everybody. And you know, just find someone with similar values as you, and that's all I think that really matters. But anyway, I'll end with this: I don't get why so many business-focused entrepreneurs are against relationships or thinking that they're a waste of time or thinking that they have to be very expensive or thinking that all women just care about money because I've had nothing but the exact opposite from my own experience.

I think meeting the right person can absolutely enrich your life in so many different ways. And until then, it's really up to you just to improve yourself and continually become a better person. And if you have a relationship right now, and it doesn't matter if you're a guy watching this or a girl watching this, just make sure that that person is wholeheartedly supportive of what you do. There's nothing that crushes your dreams faster than from someone you love and trust and support telling you that they don't approve of what you do or don't believe in you just out of their own insecurity and jealousy.

And the most important thing from this entire video is that it really just comes down to—really make sure that you find someone who smashes that like button if you haven't done that already. So with that said, you guys, thank you so much for watching! I really appreciate it, and I really hope you enjoy a bit of an off-topic video like this. I understand this isn't really money related, but at its core, I think it's a topic that a lot of people want to hear about and a lot of people are wondering about. So this is at least my own take on it.

This is just my own experiences on it. I'm sure other people will have different results and different opinions and all that good stuff, but this is just my own experience. So anyway, thank you so much for watching! If you haven't subscribed already, make sure to subscribe! Also, feel free to add me on Instagram. I post there pretty much daily, so if you want to be a part of it there, feel free to add me there. Thank you again for watching, and until next time!