Impostor Syndrome: What Is Your Worth?

Hi there. We've been looking for you. Yes, you. We know everything about you: how you've pretended to know things you have no idea about, how you've slept through years of your education, how you've received awards that you never deserved, and how you've never earned a single thing in your life. We know how you pretend to use charisma with your partner who, by the way, is way out of your league. And those jokes you were telling your friends? They just laughed at them because they didn't want to hurt your feelings. You know that, right? We know you've been faking it this whole time, and you know it too. You're full of it, aren't you? Without luck, you're just a failure. Well, luck isn't going to get you over the line this time. Time's up.

The thing is, you've always felt this way. You've anticipated the day when someone in a suit shows up with a clipboard at your doorstep to tell you it's all over. When someone truly figures out how just unworthy you are of your success and how you've convinced everyone else otherwise. You've been dreading that day for quite some time now. So what if you've constantly racked up achievements? You lose yourself in self-doubt that is so profound that you disassociate yourself from the person that actually got those achievements in the first place. Filled with a sense of phoniness, you become an imposter—an imposter of your own self. Instead of trying to look at the proof that you are where you are through hard work, sacrifice, and grit, you lean towards the possibility that you just happen to be in the right place at the right time on the important days.

I mean, think about it. Everyone gets lucky sometimes, right? Maybe you sing just fine in the shower, but you can't do it when you have to sing that same song in front of a crowd who, by the way, couldn't care less if you don't single-handedly blow their minds away with the best performance of their lives. They're not expecting you to, but of course, you're going to pretend not to know that, and you're going to beat yourself up over the smallest of errors. Errors which will probably go unnoticed by the unassuming crowd. You start anticipating these errors before they even occur, which in turn leads to more errors, and slowly but surely, you realize the downward spiral that you're in. How dare you waste their evening like that? You shouldn't even be up here. But you keep trying nonetheless, or else they'll find out, remember? And that's a risk you just can't take.

So you keep practicing and practicing and practicing in search of that phantom named perfection. And in the rare occasion that you do catch it, the joy of finally having caught up with it is shortly followed by the realization that this broken attempt to perfection is only another glaring reminder of your inadequacy. After all, it wasn't perfection with ease, was it? It was a jagged bumpy and rough rendition of it. You never had the effortlessness of true genius; you simply faked its effect like you've always done, and everyone else will still be quick to praise you for it. But come on, that's not the victory you really wanted, is it? If you were really smart, everything should come quick and easy, right? Well, you know it doesn't, but you like to pretend it does, right? You can only keep that up for so long.

If you were really smart, you'd do everything yourself too. Why let anyone else get in the way? Chances are your perfection is, so anything less than 100 won't do. Who are you, and what is your worth? Whilst you desperately try and hide the lack of genuine brilliance, you somehow managed to receive some compliments—compliments you were wholly unprepared for, and compliments which deep down make you feel so incredibly uncomfortable that you would rather cling onto the bitter yet reassuring feeling of failure. How in the world can they possibly think that was good? You think to yourself. For a brief moment, however, you entertain the alternative anyway. Maybe they had a point. Maybe, just maybe, you start thinking, I'm not so bad after all, as you find some comfort in their remarks, however unbelievable they may seem to you.

You remind yourself of the tightrope balancing act between arrogance and humility—an act you've walked your entire life. It must be hard thinking you're both better than everyone and the least talented person on earth at the same time. In the midst of all this, you find yourself torn between crippling self-doubt and an unfamiliar sense of confidence. You decide instead to take the easy route and simply attribute the good things to luck again. After all, that's what you were taught anyways, right? Humble in victory, graceful in defeat—to never take credit for anything and let others do the talking. Well, here they are; they're talking about you. Why then do their compliments sound so helplessly undone? Where is that self-belief that everyone says you ought to have? What do they see in you that you don't see in yourself?

Maybe you've just gotten into bad habits. I mean, you spend all your time on the internet anyway, right? And while social media might exacerbate the issue, it has also opened up an avenue to solve it. You see, one of the reasons why the imposter syndrome is so defeating is because you feel so caged up and alone. You feel like you are the only one that feels this way, but that's clearly not the case. Reportedly, 70% of people experience imposter syndrome, and personally, I'm willing to bet that number is higher. If Tom Hanks, whose list of awards literally requires scrolling, can feel like a fraud, so can you. If Jennifer Lopez, who has sold over 70 million copies of her songs, can feel inadequate, so can you. If Emma Watson can captivate movie screens since her childhood, starring in one of the most iconic franchises of all time, and still feel she needs to prove herself, so can you.

Can I ask you something? Yeah, why do nice people choose the wrong people to date? We accept the love we think we deserve. Can we make them know that they deserve more? We can try. The imposter syndrome isn't about relationships for the most part; in fact, it rarely is. Most of the time, it's about the idea of self-worth that spans across race, gender, and age. Ironically, the most disparaging thing about this persuasive phenomenon isn't even the nagging sense of inadequacy about past achievements, as strange as that sounds. Rather, it's the stifling of future potential. Imagine how many people never go to that audition or sign up for that opportunity or start that YouTube channel or apply for that job despite having the ability to excel at it because they think they don't deserve it to begin with. They give up before they even try because they're consumed by self-doubt simply because they think they're unworthy of their success in comparison to their confident, self-assured peers.

If only they knew how far that was from the truth. If only they knew that those supposedly self-assured peers are fighting the very same battles you go through every single day. Someone I knew had an incident you might resonate with. He's an aeronautical engineer, has served in the Navy, and has test piloted many new aircraft—achievements that would be obvious, at least to you and me. He was invited to a gathering of scientists, discoverers, and creatives a few years ago. As established as he was, he kept complaining to the people he met at the gathering that he felt very unqualified to be there. "What am I even doing here?" he wondered. "I just went where I was sent."

"Yes," replied someone at the gathering, "but you were the first man on the moon, and I think that counts for something." Who are you, and what is your worth? One would imagine that the imposter syndrome would at least spare one of the most celebrated men that has ever lived, but it didn't. What then does this say about the widespread phenomenon? What do you, me, and Neil Armstrong have in common? I mean, clearly, we haven't gone to the moon. Well, it's certainly not about achievements. Perhaps it's a discrepancy between others' perceptions of us and that of our own. After all, deep down, we are afraid not of being outed as conmen, but rather being perceived differently than who we think we are. We are not afraid of setting high standards for ourselves, but of chasing those set by someone else.

This unrelenting pursuit of a different self that might ensue out of a desire to please others is not much different from the pursuit of perfection. You're a perfectionist chasing someone else's definition of perfection. Neither can be achieved at the end of the day, but where the pursuit of perfection can nonetheless teach us something about our craft, our passion, the pursuit of a different self only brings suffering. The validation that you get from such a pursuit might be there, but it'll be very short-lived. In the end, you'll never live up to that ideal. With social media, the idea of who you are and who you are perceived to be has never been more conflicting. Not only is the inspiration to put out fake versions of each other stronger than ever, but we're also quantifying each other's worth by likes, shares, and views.

And like, I get it, it's cool, but like, how in the world could this have ended in anything but a self-worth endemic? You know, it's very funny. They've been telling us all to wear masks these days. If only they knew that most people have been wearing one their entire lives. In the end, it's about answering a simple question: who are you, and what is your worth? Imposter syndrome is a massive issue. It affects many people, and you can probably tell—myself included. If this video felt like it was attacking you, you might be affected too. Odds are you know a lot about it, a lot more than you think you do. And you may even be able to see these tendencies in your friends and family.

Those affected by imposter syndrome can experience a multitude of effects. Some people use those feelings to push themselves further in life; it has a positive effect. But for others, it can be crushing. It's important to be aware of the feelings associated with imposter syndrome because now more than ever, they're starting to creep into our daily lives. The pressure to excel in even the most trying and difficult situations can really degrade your mental energy. The greater levels of success you achieve, the higher you climb in society, along comes with the feelings of inner stress. This is something I've come to realize lately. Understanding imposter syndrome seems relatively easy, but understanding why people have it and where it comes from is a completely different task. It could be a childhood experience; it could be your parents; it could be anything, or it could be nothing. Reality is, I don't know. But I do know that it's an everyday battle.