The Worst Book I've Read So Far This Year

The worst book I've read so far this year has got to be How to Make a Hat Entirely Out of Dried Cucumber by Xand Eloquin Bazaar the Ab Third. This book does a lot of things, but it does not teach you how to make a hat entirely out of dried cucumber. Did you think that it would? Oh no!

Instead, this book is a series of screenshots from a YouTube video the author made. The main lesson seems to be that unless each of us, each morning, makes a brand new hat entirely out of dried cucumber, we will all continue to suffer. But what if he's right? What if the answer to life, the universe, and everything really is just that simple and cringe?

Like a lot of people, I discovered Zand Eloquin on TikTok, and I wondered, what the heck is this about? Is it performance art? Is it philosophy? Or am I just being tricked by a charlatan who took my money? Because I like weird artists, you know? What I hope is that it's a little bit of all of those things.

Because when I die, the people who pick through my stuff will find this book, and they will say, "What was wrong with Michael?" And they won't know because I don't either.