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NERD WARS: Lara Croft Vs. Elektra!


3m read
·Nov 10, 2024

Ooh! It's a nerd balls! It's a nerd wars! It's the all-female edition! Who we got? So today, I'm Nerd Warriors, we're gonna be doing some girl-on-girl action with Elektra vs. Lara Croft!

Now, yes, thank you XD Minus X deficit Adam can't talk, don't be offended. He's done a couple of them already, we used one of them. Keep sending them, post them if you got more.

Anyway, yeah, well, I'm gonna be arguing, as always, the side of comic books. And I'm sorry, there's no way that Lara Croft could beat Elektra. She's an accomplished martial artist, she's an assassin! Assassin! She's come back from the dead!

Alright, so has Lara! You know how many times I died playing the original Tomb Raider? Mostly because the camera controls! Around, look at me! Whoo! There you go, that's that's half the argument right there! She comes back from the dead all the time! But she can die in a puddle of water!

And I will say this, Elektra's got a worse outfit! Elektra—Elektra doesn't even wear paint, and combat boots! I don't know, there's something about combat boots and a knife that just... mm... yeah, arable!

So you see, here's the thing with Lara Croft, alright? Lara Croft is a nobody! Enough! She's awesome! She's got big Botox, she lives six kids, the most attractive husband on the planet—that's an elite bread! That's Angelina Jolie! That's not even Lara Croft!

Whatever, okay? Okay, fine, what? Fine! Angelina Jolie playing Lara Croft beats what's-her-face as Elektra! No, we're not gonna talk about Jennifer Garner!

Yeah, no, no, no! Yeah, no! Angelina Jolie's way hotter than Jennifer Garner! Hell yeah! Angelina Jolie, why is it every year she looks more and more like a walking skeleton? It's like Skeletor! She's like female, what's this? What's this? That's magic everywhere! What's this? What's this? I'm Angelina Jolie!

What? You know, like Jack Skellington! She used to be so hot, eat a sandwich! Yeah, when she was in Gia! Oh my god! If you haven't rented it, you go rent it!

Elektra? Yeah, played by Jennifer Garner! Angelina Jolie wins! Check!

No, that's not an argument! Over you know! Over, no! Over!

Here's the thing! Here's the thing! Halfway through the fight with Elektra, alright? Angelina Jolie would have to stop so she could make out with her brother at an awards show!

A good point! But that'd be hot! No—that was— it was her brother! Dude, I don't care! See, show making out their tongues in each other's mouths, I don't care!

So, she should? I don't know them, it was hot that she was just kissing on the screen! She had sex with Billy Bob Thornton!

Oh, that's a good point! That's point Elektra right there! Yeah, that is white Elektra point! Lara Croft—Elektra couldn't handle Billy Bob Thornton!

What? Huh? Yeah! Uh, Lara Croft came out alive! She did a second movie!

Oh yeah? Yeah, what do you mean she couldn't handle Billy Bob Thornton? What? You couldn't handle Billy Bob Thornton? He's not just your run-of-the-mill criminal! That dude is crazy!

Oh no, no, no, no, no! There's the fight, Jennifer Aniston versus um, Angelina! Angelina Jolie! Who would win in a fight right now?

Angelina Jolie! You really think she's got this? Bowling ball? She just like... yeah! But her bat can't even support him anymore! Jennifer Aniston seems to be doing fine!

Every time I say wrong! Jennifer Aniston has kept in really good shape! She could—she would just... yeah! Jennifer Aniston! Like, have you seen her when she gets mad? She turns into the Hulk!

Mm-hmm! Yeah, She-Hulk! Actually, no! Just know! She hopes to slide! You can see Jennifer Aniston—and whose stomach just growled?

Yeah, that's not true! I made a little fart!

Oh! Different! Elektra wins! Alright, if you got suggestions, stick them down here! I'm gonna throw one out there! If anyone can do this well, we will definitely use it! Any character played by Vin Diesel! Any character created by Stan Lee!

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