yego.me
💡 Stop wasting time. Read Youtube instead of watch. Download Chrome Extension

How to Stop Taking Things So Personally


4m read
·Nov 4, 2024

Miscommunication is a daily occurrence. Oftentimes, we aren’t doing a very good job when it comes to interpreting what people say or understanding the reasons why they say it. A common mistake is creating a story around a specific situation, which revolves almost entirely around ourselves. As a consequence, we feel insulted, offended, inadequate, angry, and resentful. This phenomenon is called ‘taking things personally’. In this video, I’d like to share some suggestions on how to stop this.

When we experience an emotional reaction caused by the words of other people, it means that we feel personally attacked. Our very essence is threatened. But, is this really the case? Well, it probably has more to do with how we look at the world than with the world itself. A distorted image of the world may come from insecurities and low self-esteem. When we look at things from a different angle using reason, we might be able to change that distorted image into something more realistic.

That’s why the first suggestion is... (1) Changing perspective. When we make outside events all about us, we close our eyes to different perspectives. So, the key to getting out of this way of thinking is seeing it from another point of view. Therefore, it’s essential to realize that the people around us are as human as ourselves. They also have their insecurities, their biases, their Hintergedanken as the Germans call it, meaning that they have inner motives that they don’t share with the world. People aren’t perfect; many are selfish. And as Carl Jung wrote: “Everyone carries a shadow.” So, what people say often says more about themselves than about us.

Also, in many cases, people act out of a sense of duty. When it comes to criticism at work, for example, it’s important to realize that it’s not about us as human beings, but about our performance in the workplace. If we see the situation from the company’s perspective, we can make it less about us and more about the company. If our performance is truly bad, and we’re better off doing something else, this says nothing about our value as a human being, which is something that we decide ourselves.

(2) Discerning reality from fiction. At the end of the day, the views and opinions of other people are not up to us. What is up to us is how we react to them. And that’s where it goes wrong very often. It’s important to make firm discernments between our own thought processes and what’s truly happening outside of us. The mind is a trickster. It can pollute reality by adding its own fantasies in the mix. In this way, a simple remark from someone could blow up in our minds to the point that the whole universe is one big conspiracy against us. Well, that’s a bit egocentric, isn’t it?

Discerning reality from fiction doesn’t mean it requires us to know the ins and outs of the matter. In many cases, we’ll never know. Rather, it’s about being comfortable with ‘not knowing’, instead of creating a fake reality. A form of mindfulness would be a great way to tackle this because by watching our thoughts closely, we can identify our fantasies and separate them from reality.

(3) Discerning nonsense from truth. This may sound similar to the previous one, but it’s different. While the previous one is about our thought processes, this one is about what people actually say. Honestly, many people are just full of s***. And if they aren’t, well, they’re being truthful. In both cases, there’s nothing to worry about, and there’s no reason to feel personally attacked. The idea behind the insult flow chart, for example, is that before we react, we first assess if the perceived insult is truth or nonsense. If it’s the truth, well, why would we be upset by the truth? Moreover, this could be an opportunity for learning.

If it’s nonsense, well, why would we be upset by nonsense? Of course, it takes time and practice to become more resilient against words. We’ll probably experience sudden emotional reactions from time to time. And that’s okay. It’s human. Epictetus had some great advice on how to deal with people that criticize you, no matter if it’s the truth or nonsense. I quote: If anyone tells you that such a person speaks ill of you, don’t make excuses about what is said of you but answer: “He does not know my other faults; else he would not have mentioned only these.” End quote.

Perhaps, Epictetus has taught us the most valuable lesson when it comes to taking things so personally; the lesson to loosen up and let things slide. If we take ourselves less seriously, we’re less likely to feel attacked by what other people say. Just look at us, humans, from a cosmic point of view, and we’ll see that we’re probably less significant than we think. Thank you for watching.

More Articles

View All
The Murder of Kim Jong-un's Brother | North Korea: Inside the Mind of a Dictator
♪ ♪ NARRATOR: February 13th 2017. Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Kim Jong-un’s brother enters the terminal, unaware that two female assassins are also at the airport. Now, for the first time on television, one of the assassins tells her full extraor…
See the Sparks That Set Off Violence in Charlottesville | National Geographic
The point of the rally is to, number one, protect this statue because this statue is one of many statues that are in honor of the history of Western civilization and European peoples that are being torn down. [Applause] The policies that liberals have put…
How to Create a Soundtrack for National Geographic with ‘Queens’ composer Morgan Kibby | QUEENS
National Geographics Queens celebrates powerful female leaders in the natural world, and behind every inspirational animal on screen is an equally gritty and determined woman. All the women on this Queen’s Journey are true leaders—fierce, smart, resilient…
Mobilizing the Masses | Photographer | National Geographic
People really want to know what it feels like to be a photographer, what it feels like to be sitting there in the stream when a bear comes walking in. I was cold, I was hungry, I was scared, I was excited. And so we started posting those stories, and it …
Warren Buffett: A "Storm is Brewing" in the Stock Market (40% Stock Market Decline)
But I don’t mind at all under current conditions. Building the cash position, I think when I look at the alternative of what’s available in the equity markets and I look at the composition of what’s going on in the world, we find it quite attractive. War…
Sounds That Make You Go Barf | Brain Games
I would love for you to give me your honest opinion about our new headphones. Would you like to try them out? Bring it! Let’s go try this one on. Throw them on, check it out. Pick it up, it’s so clear. Excellent! Oh, I’ll be jamming on the subway with th…