8 Ways How KINDNESS Will RUIN Your Life | STOICISM

Everyone tells us that we should be nice and put the needs of other people ahead of our own, but does anybody ever tell us that being extremely kind and empathetic could be risky? Because our world is filled with nice people who are aware of the fact that their generosity leaves them feeling emotionally and financially depleted, we live in a world in which we do not always receive what we give. Is it feasible that being extremely empathetic could put our own lives in jeopardy? When you are helpful to others, you can be astonished by the unpleasant things that can happen to you.

In today's session, I will outline eight unfavorable outcomes that may occur to you if you are overly kind, and I will also demonstrate four tough tactics that can be used to prevent others from taking advantage of you. Without further ado, let's proceed to the first spot instead. You will have excessively high expectations for other people. It is the Stoic idea that we should not depend on the acts of other people to bring us satisfaction; rather, we should accept things in their current state. When you give without expecting too much in return, you avoid dissatisfaction and allow yourself the opportunity to develop emotional separation, which causes your mind to become more serene.

When we contribute, it is impossible for us to be entirely selfless, regardless of whether or not we are cognizant of this reality. When we offer everything we have, we expect everyone else to do the same. When it's us who need anything crucial, though, you've gotten people so used to having everything done for them that they'll take it for granted that you can handle everything in their life and yours, especially your own. Because if you don't take care of your own, why would you take care of other people's? In actuality, your hopes of reciprocity won't be met, and you'll finish up with a terrible mood, tiredness, fury, and sorrow.

Still, if we look at it honestly, people aren't letting you down; they're just doing what you should be doing, which is taking care of their own jobs. People will only expect you to give them something, which is the second point. The Stoics say that it's vital to remember that real worth comes from acting in a way that is good and rational, not from just doing what other people demand. Moderation and giving in a balanced way help you stay in charge of your actions and keep you from getting into habits that affect your mental health.

You've heard your whole life that people are creatures of habit, and this couldn't be more true. People are built to adapt to a pattern, a way of life, and a symphony of things going on around them. The idea of a comfort zone stems from this desire to change. This indicates that if you're always providing, the people you help will want you to offer them something all the time. You'll guide them into their comfort zones, and they won't have to perform many of their obligations because you'll be there to fulfill them.

If you don't appreciate yourself, no one is going to look you in the eyes and tell you to think more about yourself. At least don't assume this kind of empathy from the people you help, because they'd stick to their own Robin Hood, which would cost them a lot in their lives. Third, your goals will not be taken into account. The Stoics said that it's necessary to live by reason and virtue, to set limits, and to put our own commitments first if we want to keep in balance and not give up our identity and well-being for other people.

If you put everyone else's wants before your own, you may find yourself running away from something inside you that hurts and scares you. How do you feel when you spend the weekend alone or come home every day, knowing no one is there to greet you? If you're doing so many different things because you want to get away from yourself, the blow will be twice as great since, on the one hand, you'll have to face yourself sooner or later, and on the other, your bad mood will get worse as you start to put other people's needs before your own.

Self-care is one of the most critical components of remaining healthy. Before you can help others feel better, you need to make sure you're happy, spoiled, and well cared for. That is, you should never give someone chocolate until you have thoroughly enjoyed it yourself. Similarly, you shouldn't offer to clean a friend's house until you've cleaned your own and watched a wonderful movie while sipping wine. The rest of the world will follow you.

Fourth, people will assume you are weak and treat you accordingly. Stoicism tells us to work on being strong and in charge of ourselves. By setting restrictions and practicing self-discipline, we can show others that we are committed to our own duties and goals, earning their respect instead of being viewed as weak. If you help other people too much over time, you might be seen as an expert in the area where you work with other people. You can make the exact opposite impression when you don't set restrictions.

People start to consider you weak, exactly like the guy who challenges a boss so much that they'll come to you to get away from their commitments because they know you won't say no. On the contrary, as soon as you utter this magic word, people will start to feel something for you they never believed they would: respect. You'll have a lot of buts or people who only come to you when they need something. Stoicism shows us how important it is to be smart and sensible when choosing who to help.

With self-control and perspective, we can identify the difference between real individuals and those that wish to take advantage, so we don't waste our time or energy on things that don't help. People who believed you were a terrific friend all of a sudden just want to hang out with you when they need something. If you think about it logically, it's not so unlikely that this may happen to you, as most individuals don't invite their colleagues or co-workers to have coffee with them, let alone a beer. What's going on with you makes sense, but that doesn't mean it's fair.

So you need to learn how to handle the ways I'll tell you about at the end to keep people from taking advantage of you. Sixth, you'll only get people who want something, not those who wish to offer it. With patient discernment, we may develop partnerships that are real and good for both sides. People enter our lives because their energies match ours. That is, if we vibrate low, we attract people who are negative, depressed, have dark souls, and want to hurt us.

On the other hand, when our vibrations are high, we attract others who are full of excellent energy, friendliness, excitement, hard work, and delight. As a result, when we give to everyone, we lose so much energy that we start vibrating at a low frequency. This makes needy individuals feel pulled to us, as well as opportunists who don't even want to help and only want to grab what they can from us and leave without even saying thank you.

Seventh, you could wind up getting hooked on something. The Stoics encouraged people to be calm and in charge of themselves. Self-discipline in giving helps us avoid being mired in bad habits and lets us preserve a good relationship with our actions and choices. When lack becomes a regular part of our lives, the need for something rises, which is the ideal way to become addicted. So, one day, someone close to you might discover that you drink too much rather than just spring water.

They might also notice that you eat too much, or perhaps gamble too much. Pay close attention to what someone who cares about you says, because your initial inclination may be to become irritated at them and tell them you don't have any difficulties. But this is how people normally respond when they are so caught up in their own problems that they can't recognize that they have any. Always remember that people who care about you want what's best for you, so pay close attention to what they say since they're trying to help you stop falling and go forward.

Eighth, you'll make people think twice. Stoicism tells us to do good things no matter what other people think of us. By focusing on living in line with our beliefs and principles, we build a good image that can withstand false accusations. No matter how much we'd like things to be different, the truth is that there aren't that many kind people in the world, so if you are one, people will be suspicious of you instead of being impressed and thankful.

It won't be long before your kindness makes people wonder what's going on with you and what plans you have that you don't tell anyone about. This could mean you've met a gang of dubious people, but it's more probable that they're just being honest. Most people who want to help too much are hiding such evil plans, so it's best to stay away from them and refuse the help they offer.

Now let's look at what you can do to stop people from taking advantage of you. Strategy number one: Pay attention to how you feel, because it's telling you something. Based on the Stoic idea of self-awareness, pay attention to how you feel. The Stoics believed that it was important to think about yourself in order to understand your feelings and wants. When you pay attention to your feelings, you can tell if you're giving too much and wearing yourself out mentally.

This lets you change your focus and find a good balance. How does it make you feel to help other people? Thinking about yourself and putting yourself first is such a kind thing to do that you should feel like you're walking on clouds when you do it. So, if you feel too busy, tired, angry, or used, it's time to listen to how you feel. If something you don't have to do makes you feel so bad, you shouldn't lie to yourself about it. Instead, find out how the assistance you're providing affects your health.

Plan number two: don't be afraid of the word no. Following the lessons of the Stoics, you should realize that your time and energy are important and need to be used in a balanced way. Self-control can be demonstrated by saying no when you feel too busy or when the request is unfair. Even though the word no makes us think of bad things and sadness, it's normal for us to find it hard to say. But if we don't learn to say this word when someone wants more from us than we can give, pessimism will take over our lives.

Practice in front of the mirror, telling yourself that it's the only way to regain your freedom and avoid unnecessary and possible risks. Strategy three: You have a time and a place for yourself; respect them. Following the Stoic values of self-discipline and self-respect, it's important to give yourself time and room to take care of yourself. Exercise, draw, listen to music while having a cup of tea, or do anything else that gets you going.

Finish your responsibilities as soon as possible, so you can try this out. You should take this very seriously, so seriously that you should schedule this time every day or every week. So if someone asks for your help at that time, they need to be very kind and helpful to you, not to the person. So, without remorse, you tell them no and enjoy that time and space just for yourself. If you don't want to be so direct, you can offer to help at a different time, but make it clear that you will only be able to help for a short time because you have other things to do.

Strategy number four: identify energy vampires and distance yourself from them. Following the Stoic principles of self-discipline and wisdom, it's important to know which relationships are good for you and which can drain you mentally. By staying away from people that regularly sap your energy and don't add anything constructive, you're taking care of your own health and exhibiting stoic self-control in your relationships. You should know that if you try to help an energy thief, it won't work.

These folks overwhelm you with their complaints, their sufferings, and their catastrophic outlook on life. Don't bother trying to help them; if their problems were solved, they would have to stop complaining. That's something they wouldn't tolerate. In conclusion, according to Stoic wisdom, the best measure for things in life is always the middle ground, and generosity is no exception. If we give too little, we come across as selfish and greedy, whereas if we give excessively, we end up absolutely exhausted of energy, time, and probably money as well.

So lean toward the Grays, which are still the best choices for finding a balance between putting other people's needs first and putting your own needs first. And if you're ever unsure, just remember the magic word no—even more so if they offer to drive you home from the window of their car. We've reached the end of this journey, and I sincerely hope these tips will be of great use to you. Don't forget that you are an important part of this channel, so if this video has helped you, made you think, or taught you something, give it a thumbs up so that more people can discover the powers of Stoic wisdom. Also, don't forget to subscribe to STOICISM INSIGHTS for more stoic wisdom. See you soon.