how to ACTUALLY CHANGE your life in 2023 (step by step guide)

We all experienced failure at some point in our lives. Maybe you didn't get that promotion you were hoping for, or you didn't accomplish a personal goal you set for yourself. But for some reason, when it gets closer to New Year's, we tend to be more hopeful and optimistic about our future self. Every single year when January 1st comes closer, I find myself making a bunch of New Year's resolutions as if it's gonna reset me and make me a completely different person.

Since you clicked this video, you're probably trying to change and you waited for a fresh start, trying to prevent the same mistakes from happening again. You might even doubt that you will actually change this year. But listen to me, till 2022, I almost never accomplished my resolutions. I said I'm going to be consistent with the gym, but I probably only worked out once a month. I told myself to read every day, but I probably read only three books in an entire year. I promised to cure my social media addiction; my screen time was 10 hours each day. At the end of the year, all I could see was regrets.

So last year, I decided to break this bad chain and actually work on the things that mattered for me. I decided to identify the problems and work on them. In 2022, I worked on my bad habits one by one, and at the end of the year, I found myself working out consistently, reading every day, consuming less yet creating more. 2022 really taught me that we're capable of change. Change is hard indeed, and it requires a lot of sacrifice. But I am a firm believer that we must suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. But the great news is, once you establish your routine and build the required habits to reach your goals, you get used to the pain of discipline. It doesn't get easier, but you get stronger, and that's what we need.

This video is something I wish I had in the beginning of my journey because everyone talks about how to optimize things during your journey, but no one really talks about how to start. So today, we're going to focus on waking up early, working out, eating healthy, and building self-confidence. If you guys wanted dedicated videos for each topic, just let me know.

When we decide to change our lives, we tend to rush to transform our habits drastically. But in reality, those habits that we build took us years. You're not going to master the rest of your life in one day, so don't put so much pressure on yourself. The most efficient way to change your habits is finding your Keystone habit, which are the habits that are more important than others, since they are correlated with other good habits.

For example, in 2022, I noticed a pattern: when I worked out, I wanted to eat better. Even though I could have rewarded myself with dessert, which I absolutely love, I felt like eating healthy and high-protein meals because I wanted to perform better at the gym. I also slept better because once I got back from the gym, I was oftentimes tired, but in a good way. Sleep improved my performance at the gym, and exercising improved my sleep quality.

Since it improved my sleep quality, I had more energy during the day and also focus, which made me more productive. And since it made me more productive, I had more free time I could spend doing other things that I enjoy. This positive feedback loop improved the quality of my life drastically.

On the other hand, when I didn't exercise, I was more prone to eating fast food, and my efficiency decreased. Because normally, I would have to finish all of my tasks by 7 PM so that I could hit the gym. When there is no deadline, I usually struggle with prioritizing and end up doing unimportant tasks till very late at night. In other words, fitness is the Keystone habit that puts the rest of my life in place. When I work out, other things naturally fall into place. I don't have to think about eating better, or I don't have to force myself to focus on getting things done.

Exercise naturally pushes me towards my best self. Your Keystone habit can be different than mine, but since fitness seems to be the majority of people's Keystone habit, let's dig into how we can build the consistent fitness habit.

For years, I would start and stop exercise programs, always telling myself that I would get back into it tomorrow or next week. But somehow, tomorrow and next week never seem to come. I was stuck in a cycle of inconsistency and frustration, feeling like I would never be able to get in shape and feel confident in my own skin. But then something changed. I stumbled upon a YouTube video from Chrissy Cella. She was talking about how exercise can make you feel stronger, confident, and peaceful.

I always struggled to love my body and accept it. I always dealt with eating disorders and body dysmorphia, but I realized that I didn't want to be insecure anymore. And if I wanted to see any progress, I needed to make a real commitment to my health. I decided to subscribe to Chris's workout program/app called Evolve You, and I started with experimenting and trying various workout programs and training styles in the app. This video is not sponsored, by the way; I'm just a huge fan.

The great thing about following a program is that it gives you a structure, so you don't need the energy to create one, and it makes being consistent much easier than you think. The app is quite easy to use; you can track your progress, schedule your workouts on the calendar, and also there are a bunch of different trainers with different approaches, so that you can find the type of exercise you enjoy. If you want to be consistent this year with your workouts, try various exercises. Maybe you're the type of person who enjoys classes, or maybe you like working out solo. Just because I lift doesn't mean you need to lift. You can do Pilates, dance, swimming, walking—anything you enjoy.

The key is to actually enjoy the thing you pick. Don't focus on the calories you'll burn per hour. If you want to stick with it, it won't get you into shape anyway. When I started with lifting weights, I was feeling very uncomfortable with being in the gym, being one of the very few males in the weights section. It can seem very intimidating at the beginning, especially because you don't know what to do, and also there are so many things to learn.

Even after you learn the movements, correcting your form takes quite a lot of time, especially if you don't have access to a personal trainer. There are so many times that I tried to quit in the past because it was making me feel so insecure. So this year, I decided to really pretend to be confident at the gym. I started with my appearance because it was the easiest thing to work on and also to fake. I bought cute and comfortable activewear that made me feel like a gym girl and made me feel confident and empowered.

I always underestimated the power of my workout clothes. Even now, when one of my cute activewear sets is being washed and I wear something different, I don't feel as confident as I feel in my favorite set. Even if you're on a budget, I highly suggest you get activewear that makes you feel confident and empowered in it. There are so many options available, so do a little research and try new stuff. You don't need to buy expensive items; you can just check it on Amazon.

Another thing that really helped me with gaining confidence at the gym is starting small. I was very scared of the weights section, so I started with cardio to get used to the gym environment. Then I switched to the machines because they have lower risks of injury and it also gave me a great understanding of moving my muscles. I'm not saying that my form is perfect now, but I'm working on it. With time, you'll get used to the gym environment, and actually, the gym community is very supportive and helpful. Everyone is there to improve themselves, and it's such a motivating community.

When I just started, I often found myself comparing my progress with people I saw on Instagram and YouTube, and I felt very discouraged and unmotivated. I thought I was doing something wrong, and it made me question myself a lot. But in reality, there are so many factors that can affect your progress. Analyzing it and trying to improve it is a good thing, but use it as a learning opportunity rather than being negative towards yourself.

We can't fully control the outcome—how much we're going to lose weight or how fast we're gonna gain muscle—but we can control the input: how much we're going to eat, how long, and how often we're gonna exercise. Our things are in our control. Exercise to feel better, not to lose weight. Don't focus on the outcome; learn to enjoy the progress itself.

In the past, I would set big goals for myself, but I always seem to fall short because I was waiting for the perfect moment of inspiration. I would tell myself that I need to feel motivated in order to take action. When that motivation didn't come, I would give up. But in reality, motivation comes after the action, not before.

The key to staying motivated is regularly enjoying small successes. Small successes are motivating. Enjoying them can lead to a happy cycle of more success and more motivation. By savoring small victories, you can feel accomplished every day. That's because you'll no longer be focused on the gap between where you are and where you want to be. In fact, as long as you achieve what you set out to do each day, you'll feel like a winner.

But first things first: to reap the benefits of small successes, you have to get started, and for most people, the first step in any process turns out to be the hardest one. For example, even though I am passionate about hitting the gym, I absolutely love it, there are some days when it's the last thing I want to do. It's not that I don't enjoy it—I really love going to the gym—it's just that I have to get through changing my clothes, going to the gym, and the first few reps before lifting becomes fun.

As soon as the endorphins kick in, my mood improves significantly. Since I track how much I lift every session, seeing my ability to get stronger and continue improving makes me proud. So to get out of the house each time, I taught myself to enjoy these successes and remember how great I will feel once I do a few reps. Because I always regret it when I don't hit the gym, but I have never regretted in the past that I hit the gym.

We need to normalize doing things that we don't enjoy if we want to achieve our goals. Everyone doesn't want to do hard things, and that's why we do them. Because if we want to be successful in our lives, we need to go ahead of most people. And how are we going to do that? Laying on our couch watching TV shows? Obviously not! The more you practice self-discipline, the better it gets.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you, challenge you, and remind you of your goals. For example, on Instagram, I follow a bunch of gym girls, and on YouTube, I follow entrepreneurs, YouTubers, and CEOs that I truly respect. Listen to podcasts and reflect on your knowledge, but also daily remind yourself why you started in the first place.

Read regularly to learn new ideas, perspectives, and widen your vision. In 2022, I read almost 50 books, and I can't stress enough how much my mindset changed and how much knowledge I have now around various topics. The great thing is, books can help with various struggles you are facing. For example, let's say you're struggling with productivity; grab some best-known books about productivity and implement the tips you learned from those books. Or if you feel like you're bad with money, read some finance books. There are so many good books out there that can help you with any aspect of life.

Reading a good book is sort of like having a conversation with the author, and usually, those authors are some of the best and most successful people in their field or people who have done multiple researches that can really help you and provide solutions to the problems you have. We really need to use this to our advantage because, like, let's say for 10 to I don't know, 15 bucks, you can have a conversation with someone whom you can probably not sit down and have a casual talk and ask them questions because most of them are either already dead or they're really successful and famous people who are quite busy.

Getting access to this pure gold information just for 15 bucks is insane. So there's no reason for you not to read books. But reading a book can become quite expensive if you read a lot like me. I don't know if it has happened to you before, but sometimes when I randomly grab a book and feel like it didn't answer any of the questions I have or solve any problems I have, I feel like I've wasted my time and money. Especially since I have hundreds of books I want to read on my list, I find myself thinking like I could have used this time and money for another book.

I think someone in Japan said this well: choosing something means giving up something. It doesn't necessarily mean that the book you read was a horrible book, but more so it means that it wasn't the right fit for you. Maybe your current mindset or current concern does not really align with that book, so in the future, you might enjoy that book, but it was just not today. But no matter what the situation is, we want to avoid this happening as much as possible, and for that, I use Shortform.

Shortform is a service where you can discover hundreds of book guides. The great thing about Shortform is that before reading any book, you can use Shortform to get key ideas from the book to decide whether you want to invest your time and money into reading that book. Also, you can discover new books you've maybe heard of and always wanted to read, so you can read the book guide first on Shortform and decide whether you want to read the full version. In that way, we can minimize the chance of us reading books that aren't really suitable for us.

Also, there are multiple journals you can discover. These days, I'm really into self-improvement, entrepreneurship, finance and money, and also psychology. The great thing about Shortform is that they publish new book guides and articles every single week so that you will always have something to read. Subscribers get to vote on what books to cover. Recently, I have been reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, which you can read for free on Shortform. It's quite an interesting book, so I'll probably read the full version of it and make a video about it, so stay tuned.

To get a five-day unlimited access and an additional 20% off discount on annual membership, join Shortform through the link shortform.com or use the link down in the description below. And thank you, Shortform, for sponsoring this video!

Also, use YouTube videos as inspiration, not as a way to procrastinate. Let's say you learn something from a video; write it down and actually do it the next day. Don't just consume. Take action and create. Also, post it online. Put yourself out there. If you want to be connected with people who have the same mindset as you, you need to put yourself out there. You can't stay at home hiding in your room and expect someone to find you.

If you want to be friends with people who are willing to improve their lives like you do, you need to put yourself out there. The easiest way to do an effective output is actually by creating Instagram Reels because it's quite easy to create, and since it's a short-form video, it doesn't actually take much time compared to creating YouTube videos. You can maybe document your day and share the things you learned. If you can provide enough value to people, maybe you can monetize it—make money from learning and improving yourself, which is a dream.

I know what it's like to struggle with sleep. For years, I was annoyed; staying up late and sleeping in until the last minute possible was my thing. But as much as I enjoyed those late nights, I always felt exhausted and unproductive during the day. I knew I needed to make a change, but it wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I finally decided to take action. One night, I couldn't fall asleep until 3 AM and ended up oversleeping and missing an important exam. That's when I realized I need to take control of my sleep habits.

The first thing I did to change my sleeping habits was to identify the reason why I was struggling to wake up early. It wasn't that I didn't like sleep; indeed, I really like sleeping. But for some reason, whenever it was required for me to wake up early, I procrastinated going to bed. It might sound crazy, but even on the days I was dying from lack of sleep, I stayed up till 2 AM for no reason. When I searched about it on Google, I learned that there's actually a name for it, and it's called "revenge bedtime procrastination."

Revenge bedtime procrastination is the act of deliberately putting off sleep in favor of leisure activities, often involving Netflix, social media, and next day exhaustion. Revenge bedtime procrastination is especially likely when busy schedules and daily responsibilities prevent the enjoyment of "me time" earlier in the day. My go-to way of taking revenge from my busy schedule was scrolling on my phone endlessly until I fall asleep.

One day, when I was reading the book "The Power of Habit," I stumbled upon advice the author gives. He was explaining how to change old habits. Basically, habits work in a three-step loop: cue, routine, and reward. The cue is a trigger that kicks off the habitual behavior. To change a habit, you must keep the old cue, deliver the old reward, and insert a new routine.

It might sound complicated, so let me give an example. In my case, my cue was going to bed, and then the routine was grabbing my phone and scrolling endlessly on social media platforms. The reward was consuming content and getting a spike of dopamine. So according to the author, I needed to change the routine part where I grabbed my phone to get a rush of dopamine, which was the reason why I kept putting off my sleep.

I decided to swap it with reading books. Rather than grabbing my phone, I decided to grab my Kindle instead since it has no apps on it, no notifications, and since it wasn't providing the same dangerous amount of dopamine as scrolling on the phone, it was a much better option. I also created a charging station far away from my bed and bought an alarm clock to prevent the night and morning time scrolling.

I always put my Kindle right next to me in a visible position to remind myself what I was trying to accomplish, which was reading. In the beginning, I got really bored and wanted to reach for my phone, but since it was far away from my bed and I'm a very lazy person, I didn't end up getting up and grabbing my phone. I would either read or sleep right away.

Once I cured the revenge bedtime procrastination, I decided to sleep and wake up 15 minutes earlier each day because curing the revenge bedtime procrastination was the Keystone habit for me when it comes to waking up and sleeping early. It was actually quite easy. I would suggest you define the main problem in your routine and swap it with something beneficial. Since the reasons can differ from person to person, I would start by analyzing my nighttime routine to identify the cause.

I hope you enjoyed this video, and I wish you guys a very, very successful year. See you soon.