7 Anti-Stoic Habits To Remove From Your Life Now! (A MUST WATCH STOICISM GUIDE)
Marcus Aelius, a famous Stoic philosopher, once said, "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." This quote reminds us of how our thoughts affect our reality and our health. Just as the people we hang out with can have a big effect on our journey, some habits can quietly lead us away from the path of Stoicism.
Today, we will discuss seven non-Stoic habits we may have and discuss strategies to return to Stoicism and inner peace. Before we start, please let me know if you like the video; this will help me keep sharing the Stoic philosophy. I suggest that you subscribe and turn on the bell so you don't miss any videos if you haven't already.
The first habit is to complain about things you can't change. Picture yourself at a picnic where everyone is having a good time; the food is superb and the sun is shining. Suddenly, clouds form and it starts to rain. Some people would let this sudden turn of events ruin their day by whining about the weather, their bad luck, or their wrecked clothes, while others would be happy about the change and enjoy the smell of rain.
This is a standard case of being affected by things we can't change. Life, much like the weather, is unpredictable, and while we can't control the events that occur, we certainly can control our responses to them. Stoicism is rooted in knowing and internalizing the difference between things we can change and those we can't. The act of complaining, especially about things beyond our grasp, is a futile practice that saps our energy and time. It changes into a perpetual state of dissatisfaction.
In a real-world setting, imagine the workplace. We've all encountered colleagues who spend a lot of time lamenting decisions made by higher-ups or changes in business policies rather than adapting and finding ways to work with the new parameters. Not only does this constant complaining affect their work and peace of mind, but it also creates a negative environment for those around them.
To combat this anti-Stoic behavior, one could heed the wisdom of Epictetus: we should always be asking ourselves, "Is this something that is or is not in my control?" When faced with such situations, instead of voicing discontent, a more Stoic approach would be to ask, "How can I adapt to this?" or "What can I learn from this situation?" By doing so, we reclaim our power and maintain our inner peace, ensuring that we remain unswayed by external events, no matter how unpredictable they might be.
Habit number two is seeking external approval. Imagine yourself working on a project for weeks, putting your heart and soul into it. Once complete, instead of feeling proud of your success, you find yourself constantly checking for likes, comments, or any form of acknowledgement on social media. Or perhaps you've bought a new outfit, and instead of wearing it because it makes you feel confident, you're seeking praise to validate your choice.
In our digital age, this need for outward validation is amplified. Social media platforms live on our human desire for affirmation, making it easy to fall into the trap of quantifying our self-worth with metrics like followers, likes, or shares. This, however, is a shaky foundation to build one's self-esteem upon, as these numbers are fleeting and often affected by factors out of our control.
Practically speaking, depending on external validation is like being on a seesaw; one day you're up because of the praise and attention, and the next you're plummeting down due to a lack of it or, worse, abuse. This volatile emotional rollercoaster stops us from having a consistent sense of self-worth and peace. The Stoic method would be to seek validation from within.
Stoicism teaches us that self-worth should be anchored in our virtues, deeds, and personal growth rather than the fickle opinions of others. As Epicurus wisely stated, "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." This means that the true measure of our worth isn't the praise or criticism we receive from others but how we evaluate and feel about our own actions and decisions.
To embody this Stoic principle, the next time you find yourself wanting validation from external sources, pause and reflect: "Why do I need this validation? Am I proud of my actions or decisions?" If the answer is yes, then that alone should be enough. Remember, while feedback can be useful for growth, your self-worth should come from within based on your actions, goals, and integrity rather than the ever-changing opinions of the world around you.
Habit number three is being a slave to your feelings. Imagine yourself at a family gathering where a relative, perhaps unintentionally, makes a comment about a choice you've recently made. Whether it's a new job, a new relationship, or even a lifestyle change, that comment stings, and a whirlwind of feelings rises within you—anger, defensiveness, or sadness. Before you know it, you might snap back with a hurtful comment, creating tension for everyone present. Was that reaction really the best response?
This is a prime example of being overtaken by emotions. Emotions, in their core, are neither good nor bad; they are innate human responses that provide valuable insights into our state of mind and how we view our surroundings. However, becoming a slave to these emotions, allowing them to dictate our actions unchecked, can lead to regrettable choices and strained relationships.
The Stoic philosophy emphasizes the value of recognizing our emotions without being consumed by them. Marcus Aelius eloquently puts it: "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realizing this will find strength." This Stoic teaching reminds us that while we may not have control over the initial emotional reaction to a situation, we certainly have control over our subsequent actions.
So the next time you're confronted with a surge of emotion, whether it's due to a friend's comment, a situation at work, or any other trigger, take a moment to breathe and ask yourself, "Is my immediate reaction to this emotion the best course of action? Will it lead to harmony or further discord?" By practicing this pause and introspection, you cultivate emotional resilience, ensuring that your reactions align with your values rather than just fleeting feelings.
Adopting this Stoic approach allows you to navigate through life's varied challenges with a sense of equilibrium, ensuring you act not out of impulsive feeling, but from a place of reason, thought, and wisdom.
Habit number four is the pursuit of extra pleasure. Imagine walking into a big feast; the table is laden with an assortment of sumptuous dishes, decadent desserts, and an endless flow of drinks. While it's tempting to indulge without restraint, by the evening's end, the original euphoria might be replaced with feelings of discomfort or regret. This is the trap of excessive pleasure.
Life offers a multitude of pleasures—from delicious foods to luxurious adventures. While enjoying them is part of the human experience, becoming entrapped in the cycle of constantly wanting more can lead to a sense of emptiness. The transient joy these pleasures provide can often mask a void, diverting us from finding deeper, more important sources of contentment.
Seneca's profound observation, "Slavery resides under marble and gold," serves as a reminder that being excessively attached to materialistic pleasures can bind us, ironically restricting our freedom. It's as if we become chained to a machine, forever chasing the next source of fleeting happiness. For example, consider the current allure of technology. The thrill of buying the latest smartphone is undeniable, but how often does that thrill wane, only to be reignited by the announcement of a newer model? Similarly, consider the habit of binge-watching shows. It's enjoyable in the moment, but does it truly offer long-lasting satisfaction?
To navigate this, it's helpful to develop an attitude of moderation. Before diving headlong into the next indulgence, stop and reflect: "Is this pursuit adding value to my life, or am I merely seeking a temporary high?" Such introspection helps in distinguishing between what truly enriches our lives and what merely offers a momentary escape. By aligning our desires with long-term well-being rather than transient highs, we position ourselves to experience a deeper, more sustained sense of joy and fulfillment.
Habit number five is living in the past. Imagine sitting on your porch on a beautiful evening, but instead of enjoying the sunset, your mind is miles away, caught in a web of past events. Maybe it's a mistake you made, a chance you missed, or a memory of someone you once knew. While everyone occasionally reminisces, getting rooted in the past can prevent you from fully living in the present.
Dwelling on past events, particularly those filled with regret or sorrow, can be like walking through life with a heavy backpack. It burdens you, slows you down, and stops you from seeing the opportunities and beauty right in front of you. Every time you replay a past event, you give it power, allowing it to occupy important mental real estate that could be better used for the present.
Epictetus, one of the famous Stoic philosophers, said, "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them." This means our suffering often isn't because of past events themselves, but because of our continued focus on and interpretation of them. Consider the story of two old friends meeting after many years; one laments the past, the chances not taken, and the ties lost. The other, however, talks of lessons learned, gratitude for present moments, and excitement for the future. Both have experienced the passage of time, but their perspectives vary vastly.
To break free from the chains of the past, it's crucial to develop mindfulness. When you find yourself drifting into bygone times, gently pull your attention back to the present. Engage in activities that ground you in the now, like meditation, journaling, or simply taking a walk and watching your surroundings. By focusing on the present and taking each day as a new chapter, you free yourself from the shackles of the past, allowing you to write a brighter, more fulfilling story for yourself.
Habit number six is worrying over the future. Picture yourself on a serene beach trip; the waves are gently lapping at the shore, and a pleasant breeze is blowing. But instead of being in the moment, you're lost in thought, worrying about an upcoming work project, a financial choice, or any number of future uncertainties. While it's natural to think about and plan for the future, being consumed by it can rob you of the joys and experiences of the moment.
Consistently projecting into the future can be likened to standing at the base of a vast mountain, constantly looking at the top without appreciating the journey. It's easy to get caught up in "what-ifs" and hypothetical situations. This perpetual state of future focus can lead to worry, restlessness, and even a feeling of being unanchored.
Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic Emperor, wrote, "Never let the future disturb you. If you have to, you will meet it with the same weapons of reason that today arm you against the present." This insight suggests that no amount of worry can change the future, but our reactions and preparations in the present moment can. Before a big exam, consider two students; one is constantly anxious, imagining all possible negative outcomes, while the other focuses on the present, studying and preparing to the best of their ability. Both are aware of the upcoming challenge, but their approaches and mental states vary significantly.
To avoid getting trapped in endless future focus loops, it's essential to ground yourself in the moment. Whenever you catch yourself drifting into the world of future anxieties, practice mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or sensory focus, to bring yourself back to the here and now. Remember, while it's prudent to prepare for the future, it's equally vital to live and enjoy the present, for it's the only moment truly within our grasp. By keeping a balanced viewpoint and acknowledging the future while embracing the present, you set the stage for a more harmonious and fulfilling life journey.
Habit number seven is wanting perfection in everything. You're having a dinner party at your home; the guests are enjoying themselves, the ambiance is lively, and the food is delicious. But instead of reveling in the moment, you're fixated on the small oversalting of one dish or the minor imperfection in the table setting. This incessant chase of perfection in every little detail can become an overwhelming shadow, casting a pall over even the most joyous events.
In today's age, with the rise of social media and the constant barrage of picture-perfect lives, there's an amplified pressure to attain perfection in all facets of life—whether it's the flawless appearance, the ideal relationship, the dream job, or the impeccable home. The quest for perfection can become a relentless treadmill, always running but never reaching the desired goal.
Seneca once remarked, "To wish for perfection is a sure way to become unhappy." This Stoic insight underscores the understanding that perfection is an elusive and often unattainable goal. Striving for it can lead to a sense of perpetual inadequacy, anger, and even burnout. Think of a famous artist working on a masterpiece. If they were paralyzed by the pursuit of absolute perfection, they might never finish a single artwork. Instead, they understand that beauty often lies in imperfections, and it's the overall creation that matters, not the minute irregularities.
To navigate away from this perfectionist trap, it's important to embrace the concept of "good enough." This doesn't mean settling for mediocrity but recognizing that aiming for excellence and seeking absolute perfection are two different things. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and learn to accept the imperfections that come with being human. When you find yourself spiraling into perfectionist tendencies, take a step back and ask, "Is this truly important? Will this matter in a week, a month, or a year?"
By reframing your perspective and focusing on the bigger picture, you can free yourself from the constraints of perfectionism and lead a more balanced and contented life. Reflecting upon the advice of the Stoic sages, it becomes clear that self-awareness and introspection are pivotal in nurturing a balanced and resilient life.
As we've journeyed through these seven anti-Stoic habits today, I hope you found understanding to guide and refine your own path. Remember, Stoicism isn't about perfection; it's about growth and perspective. Take a moment to ask yourself: Are you a victim of some of these habits? How can you course-correct and improve?
I urge you to share your reflections and experiences in the comments below. Which of these habits resonated with you the most? Have you encountered other habits that impede your Stoic journey? Let's build a space for vibrant discussion and mutual growth. Thank you for joining Stoicism Insights, and until our next exploration, may you find peace and strength in the Stoic way.