NERD WARS: Boba Fett vs. Deadpool

This is Jeff Wman. I don't know where Adam is, but we're bringing you another Nerd Wars. This one's coming from hello, Master Chief. It's Boba Fett versus Deadpool.

I will do the opening gambit right here. There's no way that Boba Fett could stop Deadpool, simply because I'm just going to put this out right now: Deadpool has a healing factor. Like, you can decapitate Deadpool, he has a healing factor.

You know how many times you've used that argument? He's you every week.

No, this is the first time. He's got a healing factor. Thor's got a healing factor.

I never said that.

Daredevil's got a healing factor. Superman's got a healing factor. Wolverine's got a healing factor.

There, that one was right. Here's the thing: Deadpool has been liquidized numerous times. Actually, melted down and turned into liquid, still regroups, reforms, and comes back for more.

I got one word for you.

What's that?

Mandalorian.

Isn't that an 18th-century musical instrument?

Got Mandalorian armor, he just kicks him ass. He's the son of Django Fett.

So, basically, you're saying that because his dad's badass, Boba Fett can beat him up?

Yeah, I got news.

No, it's a badass breeding program. All Boba Fett has to do is collect that liquid in a tiny little container, put it on Slave One, and just shoot it out into space, and 20 years later, Deadpool would come back and kick his ass.

Luckily, they're both mortal, so they'd be dead 20 years from now.

Ah, sorry. All cool people die before they hit senior citizens.

Sorry, dude, Deadpool, with his healing factor, means that he really doesn't age. Same as Wolverine.

Blam! Another point for Deadpool.

Healing factor has nothing to do with aging.

Yes, it does! The body keeps healing instead of deteriorating.

I'm going to edit it so I win, and that's how it's going to work.

I hate the fact that you do all the editing.

Some people started to notice that.

Yeah, yeah, you see, it's all one-sided. Like right now. Right now, here's going to be the worst picture you can imagine of Deadpool, and now here's a really kick-ass picture of Boba Fett.

Yeah, well, that's how the editing works. See, the thing is, you can't find a non-kickass picture of Boba Fett because he's that badass. He's got a jetpack.

I don't see Deadpool going around with a jetpack.

He came out of the Sarlacc pit.

Whatever, he survived the Sarlacc.

Really? We're going to play that game?

Oh yeah. So yeah, he did die in the Sarlacc pit until 20 years later when George Lucas decided that he should live because he's marketable.

No, that was in the books.

Whatever, you know what you can do? You can read a book. There's a whole series of novels of Boba Fett.

I'm going to become the most popular guy on this website by saying those novels suck.

Yeah? Why don't you go read a dumbass Deadpool comic?

Here's, don't you say—here's a little point: he's a trained assassin.

So's Boba Fett.

No, he's a bounty hunter. Boba Fett's got years, and he has to deal with far creepier people than Deadpool ever has to do.

Deadpool's an assassin; Boba Fett's a bounty hunter. I have watched Dog the Bounty Hunter, and there's nothing intimidating about a bounty hunter.

Oh, that mullet!

What are you talking about?

There you go. The most intimidating thing about Dog the Bounty Hunter is his wife.

Nails?

His wife's nails, exactly! And the boobs—they're like Wolverine's claws.

Mhm. Yeah, maybe if Boba Fett had the fat, big-breasted wife that Dog the Bounty Hunter has, I'd give the point.

How do we know he doesn't?

They really don't go over it.

Do you know how many times Deadpool's died?

Zero! No one can kill Boba Fett!

No, no, they did kill Boba Fett.

No, they didn't!

Yeah, they did! They threw him in a Sarlacc pit!

And he came out, and then there was—and then there was a book.

Oh, so you’re going to say, "Oh, there was that first book Deadpool was in," and then there was another book.

That doesn't matter because I'm declaring for my argument that those books don't matter.

If you want, we could find some fan pics of Deadpool banging Princess Leia.

Doesn't mean it happened!

Tell us how much ass Deadpool would kick in this fight, or how badass Boba Fett is because he's the most badass bounty hunter in the universe.

You just like him 'cause he fweap.