What's it like to become a father? - Smarter Every Day 132

Hey, it's me Destin, welcome back to Smarter Every Day. We just had a baby, which is awesome. I mean, every single child we've brought into our house has taught us a tremendous amount. And you would think that you kind of learned the ropes and you're just like pro at it over time, but it doesn't really work that way. You learn on a deeper level with each individual child.

So today on Smarter Every Day, you might know that I'm a dude that just really loves my family a lot. And I just really want to be the best dad I can be. Today I want to talk about the things that I've learned through the experience and the process of us having a baby. It's really interesting.

For example, we have learned over the years that the absolute best thing for us, when we're pregnant, is to go on a trip together during the second trimester. The reason is she's over morning sickness from the first trimester and she's not like gigantic pregnant in the third trimester yet, so we were super thrilled this year when I got invited to speak at TEDx in Vienna, Austria. Because that gave us an opportunity to get away and just for two days connect as a couple.

We're at the... Hofburg.

• What does that mean?

...I don't know either. Anyway, we're in Austria. At some point you'll notice that your wife's body is growing, and it's very interesting. Being an engineer, I took this opportunity to take her weight and plot it on a graph, so I could determine what the... [beep]

I am more attracted to my wife when she's pregnant. It's like a protect her kind of thing. I don't get it, but it's true. And at some point along the way, you think to yourself, man, she is so attractive we should hire a photographer and get a pregnancy photo made. And it seems like a really good idea. But it's not. It's not a good idea. I don't know why, but pregnancy photos end up being really, really awkward.

If you do want to do artistic type photos, what we recommend is light painting. It's really cool. We have a friend named Wes Whaley that light paints, and what we do is we go down to a really dark warehouse, you open the shutter on your camera and then you can add light to the picture almost like you're adding tint to a canvas. It's really cool. You can combine colors, you can even take multiple exposures. You can backlight multiple silhouettes from different angles. It's very artistic, and the end product, you have the silhouette which is that thing that you find beautiful about the pregnant female form.

So the hospital experience itself is incredible. There's so much on the line; you just... you cannot prepare emotionally for the hospital experience; it's amazing. So a lot of people think of having a baby as what it means to become a parent, but that's not it at all. Parenting is a much bigger issue. But, this is an interesting part of it, right?

• This is interesting, yes.

It is interesting. So my wife actually was in the medical field, so she knows what all these things mean. I don't really. I know that these are contractions down here, this is her body pushing the baby out. This is the baby's heart rate.

• Destin Sandlin.

• What?

So explain what happens when your water breaks.

• It hurts.

A really big deal is picking the doctor. If you get a doctor that you trust, it can make all the difference in the world. This is Dr. Callison, and she has delivered all four of my babies.

• Congratulations.

• Thank you very much.

• The smartest, sweetest babies in the world. [laughs]

She's a great doctor. When you first see your baby, you have this uncontrollable urge to learn everything about how their bodies work. This time I learned that there is a vitamin K shot that the nurses give them to promote blood clotting because they don't have a lot in their bodies at that point. I also learned that the umbilical cord has three vessels in it. I had no idea. I thought it had just an artery and a return vein. But it doesn’t. It has two arteries supplying blood flow to the baby, and one return to the placenta.

Childbirth changes hearts on many levels. It changes your heart because you just... you look at the world differently. You're not living for yourself anymore; you're living for this child. But it also changes the heart of the child. When the baby comes out and it takes a breath, what happens is amazing. There's a hole in the heart, right in the middle, called the foramen ovale. And that breath changes the pressure in the heart and slaps that hole shut. That reroutes the plumbing of the entire heart, changing the entire blood flow of the baby.

The baby's heart changes in an instant. There's also something called the ductus arteriosus that changes more slowly over time. But what was amazing this time is even though I had learned this back in episode 42 with my last child, this time I knew it going in and I got to hear it with my own ears.

• There’s the circulation in their heart changes, and so when the ductus starts closing you'll hear a murmur.

This moment was poetic. My daughter, that I was meeting, was actually changing my heart in that moment, and at the same time I was listening to her heart physically change. Our hearts were changing together. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing.

Another really cool thing was to watch my children interact with their new sister for the first time. You could see in their eyes they went from, you know, just a brother and a sister and a little brother to all of a sudden they're all... big, right? You got big brothers now, and a big sister. And they understand the responsibility. It's an amazing thing.

So I know this was really personal, and I hope you're cool with that. I know it's different, but I just really love my family, I do. And I wanted to say that. Because I think it's cool to have that heart change, and I think that, I think it's really cool when dads step up and participate. And I want to be a dad that does that.

So, I'm Destin, you're getting Smarter Every Day.

• What are you doing?

• What do you mean what am I doing? I'm putting you to sleep.

• We need sheets on the bed.

• No you don't.

Oh can we rip the tags off?!