15 Things You Do For Others But They Don't Do Back For You
Walking on a one way street is lonely, and sometimes you don't get back what you give. Here are 15 things that you do for others, but they don't return the favor. Welcome to Alux.
First stop, unrequested help. When you constantly offer unrequested help, you are unintentionally devaluing your effort, saying, "I've got nothing better to do anyway." Only makes it seem like your time isn't valuable. And it is. When you help without being asked, people might start expecting it as a given, not something they should be thankful for or they should be reciprocating. It's good to be helpful, but ensure it's needed and valued.
Make sure your support isn't turning into an excuse for others to avoid responsibility or take your time and effort for granted. Favors in exchange for friendship. Doing favors with the expectation that it will solidify a friendship is a balancing act. Relationships should be built on mutual respect, appreciation, and a genuine connection, not merely a transactional basis where favors are exchanged.
When you consistently do favors hoping to cement a friendship, you risk being in a relationship that's conditional and lacks sincerity. Favors should not be the foundation upon which a friendship is built. They should be an outcome of the genuine care and regard you have for someone, not a strategy to maintain a place in their lives.
Priority above yourself consistently. Putting others above yourself might seem like a generous act, but it can lead to imbalance and resentment in relationships. When you make someone else's needs and wants a priority over your own well-being and aspirations, you create a dynamic where your efforts might not be reciprocated or appreciated to the same extent.
Prioritizing others over yourself often comes with the expected option of receiving the same level of care and consideration in return. However, this isn't always the case. People might start taking your selflessness for granted, not fully valuing the sacrifices you make. Just like those flight attendants will tell you, you need to put the mask on yourself first, then care for the people around you. A sinking ship can help no one.
Checking and continually checking in on others, showing that you care about their well-being and offering a listening ear is a kind gesture that nurtures relationships. But when this becomes a one way street, it might leave you feeling unimpressed, jaded, and emotionally drained. When you frequently check in, showing empathy and offering support, you foster an environment where the other person feels valued and cared for.
But if these feelings and actions are not reciprocated, it can create a sense of imbalance and inequality in the relationship. You might start to feel like your emotional investment is not valued or recognized. Checking in should be mutual. It's about creating a support system where both parties feel seen and supported.
If you find yourself always being the one reaching out and showing concern without the same level of care being returned, it might be time to reconsider the dynamics of this relationship. Be considerate of how it would make them feel when you walk on eggshells around other people while they fly in Apache helicopters around you.
Well, it's time to reevaluate why you're being so careful when you're always the one making adjustments, always the one being overly cautious of their feelings and emotions. You end up being taken for granted. It makes the relationship terrain uneven, where your constant effort to be considerate isn't matched, making you feel less valued and respected. It's exhausting to have to treat others like they're made of glass.
Including someone in your plans is a generous gesture of thoughtfulness, care, and a desire to share experiences. You make them a part of your moments and memories. This shows they're essential in your life, and you value their company. However, when this act of inclusivity is not reciprocated, it might make you feel underappreciated or overlooked when others continuously exclude you from their plans.
It subtly communicates a lack of consideration for your presence in their life experiences. It could make you question the place you hold in their lives. If you feel like you don't really belong with those you hang out with, this might be a reason and a sign. It's time to look for some new friends.
Listening to someone's problems is a substantial way of showing that you care. You give them your time and attention. It's about being present, showing empathy, and sometimes offering advice or a different perspective to help them navigate through their difficulties. However, it becomes a one sided street when they don't reciprocate.
When you need someone to listen to your issues, this lack of reciprocity can leave you feeling emotionally drained, unsupported, and undervalued when you're always there for them. But they're not there to back you up in return. It might indicate a lack of mutual care and respect in this relationship. If you're the only one listening to the problems of others, well, maybe it's just time to mind your own problems.
Talk well about them when they're not around. The way you speak of someone when they don't have a chance to reply shows a great deal of character. It takes a lot of emotional and social intelligence to be aware of that and always painting someone in a good light and letting their own actions confirm or deny it as a sign of maturity, something that people generally lack. Unfortunately for some, gossiping and making a fool of others when they're not around is a national sport.
The main activity of their evening being their cheerleader. When you're someone's cheerleader, you're the pillar of strength, their source of encouragement, and their unwavering supporter. You're there clapping the loudest at their successes, big or small, and offering a shoulder to lean on through their failures and setbacks.
Your energy, enthusiasm, and belief in their potential can be a driving force that helps them push boundaries and strive for more. But what happens if the roles are reversed? If your unwavering support isn't reciprocated, it can be draining and just straight up demotivating. In most cases, when people don't acknowledge your achievements, it's because it makes them uncomfortable regarding their own success.
These are the types of people who drag you down just to feel slightly above being flexible. You change plans, you make compromises, and you go out of your way to make sure things are convenient for everyone else. Your flexibility becomes the glue that holds plans together, ensuring that things go smoothly for everyone and they're all happy.
But going out of your way to others who can't have theirs is a signal. You might lack some backbone, especially if you're the only one ever being flexible. Suddenly, your own time becomes whatever you have left after others are done. If you find yourself in this position, a loser, know that you're supposed to be your own person.
Expressing gratitude, saying thank you and being genuine about it is the easiest and most low effort way to show appreciation to people. So there's really just no excuse for others not to say it back to you. Doing something and not expecting anything in return is fine. But if no one even says thank you for it, you might start to wonder if your help is actually valuable or not, or if others see it as valuable or not respecting their time.
Always respecting the time of others means you probably aren't respecting your own time. It's one thing to be mindful of when it's the right place and time for something, and it's a whole different thing to be overly respectful of others' time at the expense of your own.
Everybody's got priorities, urgent matters, and things that need solving, and everyone needs the time of others now and then. But if nobody gives it to you, it might be because you don't actually value your own time. You see, when you're overly respectful of others' time, what you're really saying is, "You are way more important than I am." And that's no way to represent yourself.
Dropping what you're doing to go and help them. Very few people should be in your first circle—that's the circle for which you can drop what you're doing and go to their help. But since very few people will do the same and return, that circle is more like a dot. Being someone's pillar of support or get out of jail free card should be reserved only for the people who will reciprocate that for you when you need it.
Remember, minor but important details. People feel a special kind of attention when you care about things that aren't written in their Facebook bio. Things like their dog's birthday or the place they met their partner. Remembering small but cool details about people can really make a difference in friendships.
It's about noticing and remembering things that are special to them, but not super obvious or posted on Facebook. Not everyone takes the time to remember stuff like that about others, and doing this makes people feel really important and listened to. It's like giving them the extra attention that stands out, making your connection with them stronger and more personal.
But not everyone makes this kind of effort. And finally, maintaining confidentiality. Be honest. How many people will keep your secrets to the grave? Maintaining confidentiality is like being a vault for someone's secrets or private stuff. When a friend trusts you enough to share something personal, keeping it just between the two of you is super important.
It's about respecting their privacy and showing them that their trust isn't misplaced. However, it might feel a bit disappointing when you realize that not everyone does the same thing for you. Some people will spill the beans either carelessly or intentionally, not keeping your secrets as safely as you kept theirs.
Despite this, sticking to your values and continuing to be a trustworthy friend is a pretty solid move. It makes you reliable and someone others can count on to respect their privacy, even if the favor isn't always returned in the same way.
And of course, we've got a bonus for those sticking with us until the end: bringing them with you on your journey. What's the point of sitting in first class if your people can't sit there with you? When this is a matter of a core team, the OGs, the people who've been there since day one, grinding side by side with you, if you make it, you bring others with you.
That's the point of this whole journey, and it's a beautiful thing if you build a group who will do that for everyone. We hope you learned something valuable here today, Aluxer. We'll see you back here next time. Take care.