15 Lessons That Take The Longest to Learn

You don't have as much time as you think you have. Some incredibly important lessons become obvious only in retrospect, but you learn them the hard way. This video is your unique opportunity to learn these lessons now so you can benefit from them for the rest of your life. Here are 15 lessons that take the longest to learn.

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Number one: It was never about the money. Here's the catch: okay, you need to get the money first before you realize it was never about the money in the first place. Money is a tool. Money is what you use to get safety. The more you peel that onion, the more you realize you want money because it validates your effort. You want it for the safety it brings to your family and for its ability to fix your money problems. We think it's about the money when in reality it's about the freedom that money buys. Once you are free, more money becomes an impediment to your well-being.

Number two: You're responsible for everything—your health, your happiness, your lifestyle, etc. You are not responsible for other people's happiness, but you are responsible for your own. Nothing will come to you; you'll have to roll up your sleeves and go after every single thing on your own. You've got two choices: you either act as if your entire life is predetermined, so there's no point in even trying, or you act as if nothing has been written yet and you're the one holding the pen. Every successful person out there falls into the second category.

Number three: You'll regret not having the courage to do it more than you'll regret the failure or rejection. Living with the regret of not trying is way more painful and taxing long-term than a failed attempt. Trying and failing is what allows you to be better. Realizing that you're stupid, weak, unskilled is the first step to getting good. Feeling that means you're at least on the right path and you're acquiring knowledge. Everything great in life is on the other side of fear, failure, and rejection. That's just life's way of keeping out the pretenders.

Number four: Not everyone wants your help or to be fixed. You can't help people who don't want to be helped. Not everyone wants the same things out of life that you do. Like a child crushing a square into a triangle shape, forcing an outcome on someone who's not made it for themselves only creates tension, frustration, and resentment. Under the veil of love, you're actually fostering resentment in other people. We all have to live with our own choices, and until one makes that choice themselves, nothing will fix them.

Number five: Your present input determines your future output. What you do today, right now, slightly alters your tomorrow. People think life happens in leaps, but they're wrong. Okay? What you do today, before the end of the day, tilts whatever tomorrow is going to be. But you know, as humans, we're really bad at seeing long into the future. In aviation, there's this thing called the one-degree rule. It states that for every single degree a plane veers off course, it'll miss its destination by one mile for every 60 miles it flies. If you've got two planes flying at the same time with just a one-degree difference in their flight trajectory, well, after a while, they'll drift so far apart it's almost impossible for one to catch up with the other. People you knew back in the day or went to school with are shocked when your reality is so much different than theirs. The one-degree rule alters your outcome.

You're here because you take your financial education seriously. Your friends might not. Like with the airplane, in the first few years, that gap between you is barely even noticeable. But as time goes on, that gap only grows larger. You keep investing in yourself. You keep making better and better choices. You embrace risk, and before you know it, you're the multi-millionaire at your high school reunion, looking around shocked at everybody.

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Number six: Forgiving and loving your parents unconditionally. Parents aren't perfect; it's their first time going through life as well. Try to remember that. This lesson takes a long time to learn because you only learn it after they're gone. Once you lose a parent, you realize how selfish the both of you have been. Taking swords to the grave is too high a price to pay when it all can be solved by a simple "I was wrong, so was I." The goal is to live a happy life unburdened by heartache.

But an important caveat here is that you are not your parents' parent. You are not meant to sacrifice your happiness to deliver them theirs. The only way that both of you can be happy is if you make peace with who the other person is and learn to love them for who they are.

Number seven: Once words are spoken, they're no longer yours. You don't have to say everything that you're thinking because words are feelings encapsulated in speech, and people will always remember how you made them feel. When you're young, you speak a lot because you crave validation. You don't know how to keep your mouth shut. It's only when you get older you start to learn just how much power there is in listening.

Number eight: Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It's just a fact of life. Most people think that life is a meritocracy where those who deserve it more get it, but more often than not, their rewards in life go to those who grab them, even when they're less worthy than others. In modern society, a bias for action paired with belief and confidence trumps everything, shaping reality to your whims.

Number nine: The character of your partner will raise your children, not the money or good looks. You want to be with someone that you like now and that you'll like in the future too. Most people forget about the second part, though. Who you'll spend the rest of your life with is one of the most asymmetric choices you make in life, with extraordinary or horrible consequences. So choose for yourself with an eye on the future. And by the way, contrary to what social media tells you, there's nothing wrong with dating a man similar to your father if your father is a good man.

Number ten: Not everyone will live up to their potential. Potential is a delicate seed that some of you have within you, but not all soils are fertile, nor are all hands capable enough to take care of its growth. Some people abandon their path not because of a lack of ability, but the comfort that comes from choosing safer or easier options. Every day you make that choice: live up to your potential or watch another rerun of The Office.

Number eleven: Life gets lonely after 45 with no kids. After a while, all beaches look the same, all churches feel the same, all airports feel the same. The only thing that grows is this weird loneliness you're feeling. Sure, you can be as vocal as you please about not wanting kids when you're young, but the clock is ticking. It'll take years or even decades before you realize just how much you're missing out. The trap here is that by the time you decide you want it, you might not be able to have it, and that regret renders everything else pretty useless.

Number twelve: People think about you way less than you think they do. We live in our heads more than we live in reality. We live in our perception of what reality is. And the catch is, when we don't know exactly what reality is, our minds make up a story. That's why you are what you think others think you are. It all boils down to an illusion of self. You'll waste all of your life trying to impress or get the approval of people you don't even care about, nor do they care about you.

Number thirteen: You are the common denominator to all of your problems. You want the big takeaway? Look, there's no secret, okay? There's no magic, there's no philosopher's stone, no guru with all the answers. No trainer will get you fit, no monk will make you happy, no coach— not even us—can make you rich, okay? It is all you. You are the architect of your life. You are the designer, the writer, the actor, and the main character. Whatever you consider God or the universe to be is just watching you live out your life without intervening. It's all on you. You are the cause of your problems. But the great news is you are more than able to fix them because they are your problems to solve.

Number fourteen: The only way to get ahead in life is by not quitting when things get hard. Persistence and grit are the absolutes when it comes to turning the scales of life in your favor. Just don't quit. Put 10 to 20 years into something, and you'd be a fool to not make any progress. Most people quit at 60%. They try something halfway; they quit. They start something else that they'll quit halfway too. But turns out, almost all plans will get you to where you want to go. Just stop changing the plan all the time.

Number fifteen: The sooner you figure out exactly what you want, the sooner you'll get there. We don't get what we wish for, okay? We get what we plan and execute on. It's not that rare to find people in their 40s, 50s, and older confused or disappointed with how their life turned out up to that point. That horrible question people ask you when you're far too young to answer, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" actually has fundamental roots into a happy life. The goal is to not grow up and throw away what made you happy, but to grow toward happiness, success, and play.

If you don't have an answer to that question, ask yourself right now: what does a happy life look like to you? What does success in life look like to you? What does play mean to you? Because the combination of these three things is your North Star. It doesn't even have to be concrete; you just have to be directionally right because that at least allows you to move forward until you can pin exactly what it is you're after. But most people don't do that. They don't have that long-term discussion. They don't know it for themselves. They don't talk to their partners about it, and then life just moves on. If you don't tell the universe explicitly where you're going, it'll ignore you, and others will choose your future for you.

For the mature members of our community, no matter your age, what is a lesson that you've learned too late in life, especially one that you would have benefited to learn sooner? Share your wisdom in the comments with the rest of the community so we can all learn from you. And since you've made it to the very end, here's your secret bonus: to get it in the future, you have to live it in the present. Learn the things that don't have a name yet. The true believers, the ones who see into the future and craft their present to match what they saw, are the ones who reap the rewards. The past is for reflection, the present is for enjoyment, and the future is for growth. Pick carefully what you'll focus your energy on because the world will give it to you.

Now this bonus might be one of the more complex ideas we've shared with you this year, but if you're one of the select few that understands it, write the word ‘focus’ in the comments. We applaud all of those who do.

That's all from us today, my friend. Until next time, take care.