Stories of Life in Solitary Confinement | Short Film Showcase

[Music] It can either break you or make you. And if it breaks you, you know what? You're just going to just be broken, physically and mentally.

Oh, I haven't seen a tree or a plant since 2003. The only thing that I've seen is a spider in the corner, and I find him little bugs sometimes, and I feed the spider. That's about the only closest thing to nature I have. It's not to the point where you want to commit suicide, but sometimes I be at the point I be wanting the right to judge—say just give me the death penalty. Just give me the death penalty, man.

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We're in our shell 22 and a half hours a day, and then our yard is just brick walls. I'm not able to go out to a yard and be with other people, but I'm not able to see things around me, whether it's trees, grass, or birds; to talk to my family; or to get sunlight.

You had people in here that's been in solitary confinement longer than I've been alive. If you could put every emotion of the human spirit—of hopelessness, pain, agony, hatred, frustration—a sense of continuous silence screaming—all these emotions, and while you're locked in this cage, treated like some animal. Most people wouldn't even treat an animal like that. An animal who was suffering pain, they would take him to the vet and do something for him.

I had to take a lot of deep breaths before I came in here. Just being around people, it's not an awkward feeling; it's a good feeling. But it's still an anxiety feeling because I haven't been. It's like, wow, I'm around free people. I'm around regular [Music] people.

This is a behavior modification psychological low-intensity warfare against the mind of a human being. That's what exists here at Pelican Bay. It's the same thing day in and day out—it's just psyching ourselves out to make the best of the day. It's kind of robotic. Have you just spoke to 100 guys today? The same thing: I get up in the morning, wash up, I drink my roll, up my mattress, I'll brush my teeth, I'll drink some coffee, drink water, brush my teeth again, see the floor, the walls.

You do certain things just to fill up that time where you can hear the vent, and you focus on it like, man, did I just hear a whisper right now? And the person starts focusing on this little noise because the noises and the vision are the senses, and that's what we have to constantly survive.

But if I had a window to look out, I think if they came by every half an hour, I'd be sitting in that window. Yes, I committed a crime to come to prison, but don't make the assumption that my current situation here being Pelican Bay SHU is due to my continuous criminal behavior because I have grown that a long time [Music] [Music] ago.

Humankind has a history of ugliness, and humankind also has a history of beauty. It's in for all of us, and you need laws to have a society, not go into chaos.

Ultimately, people have the ability to look at what is bad and good in a way that is not insulting, not aggressive, not with bullets—through psychology, creating a better understanding of each other. Everybody deserves a chance. Thank you for taking your time to hear my voice because our voices are rarely heard.

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