Follow a Transgender Teen’s Emotional Journey To Womanhood | National Geographic

A tender knee.

You know how sometimes life seems like you're living years in a couple minutes? This is Emy and I. We're identical. I kind of take pride in being one of very few identical twin pairs that are boy and girl.

"Daddy, look! It's Mommy!"

When I first learned that my child was transgender, I couldn’t speak the word. I was so... I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything about it, and here I was, this, you know, good mother that researched everything before we, you know, bought a diaper. I mean, I was... I was the one in the know, and all of a sudden, I didn’t know anything. It was frightening, and it was other. And I didn’t want my child to hurt, or be hurt, or be judged.

Oh my goodness, I think people are fascinated by gender reassignment surgery. They're like insatiably curious about it, but they also don’t know how to have a conversation about it.

People ask me that question all the time, you know, like, what if there were no gender norms in this world? Like, would Emy want to transition? I’m like, well, we do live in a world of gender norms, so I don’t quite see how it’s relevant.

I’m feeling very, um, honored to be the parent accompanying Emy on this journey. It feels very sacred, this time of stillness, transition, and embracing of this new life. And we've been kind of giddy and tired, you know, um, nervous.

"Dear God, we give you thanks for this incredible girl. Please bring this courageous girl through today, in the name of your son, Jesus. Bring her to health of body, mind, and spirit. Amen."

"Have you heard from Caleb this morning?"

"Yeah, I just texted him. I asked him to record me, um, a song of his that I really liked last night, so he did that for me. And it's one of my favorites of his, and it has a lot to do with overcoming. The chorus goes like:

Never back down, things are bound to change.
Never turn around, things are strange.
See where you are, it's light, though there's miles to go.
Never back down, keep walking through the snow.
I hope that you find them, I hope you do.
Tell them how I kept you warm, tell without tears.
Love have no regrets, I married us inside the store."

The gland's penis becomes the clitoris. The skin of the penis becomes the labium minorum, and part of the opening of the vagina. The scrotal skin is taken off and used as a skin graft; it's rolled up into a tube, and that's placed in a space that we make at the base of the scrotum.

And goes back in between where the bladder sits and the rectum sits, and that's going to be the lining of the vagina. The testicles and the cords are removed, and the urethra is actually saved. A flap of urethra is used to make a hood for the clitoris, covering you, keeping you warm and dry.

"Oh, I may die here! You'll follow through, not up."

"Good morning! You hear me? You're all finished. You're in the operating room. In the recovery."

She's scared. I can see it in her eyes today, but I know she's going to be fine. She had a great surgery.

So when people don’t do well after their transition, it’s because they have absolutely no support system. Their support system is, you know, like their family is putting on a game face, but you know they’re scared as hell too. I mean, those family members are real heroes to me. I have goosebumps as I say this.

Uh, she’s got everything going for her.

"Hey, it's me. She's out. She's great!"

I know I'm so sorry; I feel like I haven't taken a deep breath for, like, two days. So she’s going to be in recovery in a little bit, and she’ll be a little groggy, but I’m kind of taken care of by the gang here. And then she’ll be ours again.

"Hi NAB, it's Kate. We just went down to the O. I'll keep you in the loop as I get any news."

So wish I could be with her! And Patrick sent three hearts, and Sarah said, "Thank you, thank you," with a heart. And Jewel sent three hearts, and Laura said, "Thank you, Kate." And Tia said, "Thank you, Kate." And Sophie Girl said, "I wish so much that I could be there. Thank you so much."

Being closeted was one of the worst parts of my life. Being out, I mean, it's not so much like a personal change; it's a social change. I came out on Facebook; there was a lot of positive response just from that.

The thing I really remember about coming out was I was in a play. I went to rehearsal; they were getting my pronouns right. They were using my name. Like, it was, you know, just a totally different world, and I felt, you know, incredible.

If I was not out, I’m not sure I would, you know, be alive right now.

What my husband and I keep remarking on to each other is this just feels so right. It's so her; it's so the child we've always known and loved, um, even though a few years ago, we wouldn't have necessarily anticipated this step into a standing position.

The idea is, when I think about why I eventually wanted to get this surgery—because I really didn’t at first—I think the reason um that I ended up really wanting it to happen started out as being something more out of convenience.

As it became more real, and as I got the surgery date and all of that, um, I found a million reasons, you know, why I wanted it to happen. And that's where I think transition is again problematic because it presupposes an endpoint, like at some point you have transitioned.

Whereas every single one of us is in constant development. This is obviously a huge, huge moment in Emy's life, but it's not by any means the endpoint; it's just in some ways the beginning.