Drifting Away from People: The Dark Side of Solitude
In the novel The Stranger by absurdist philosopher Albert Camus, the main character Meursault finds himself, in a way, apart from the world around him. He’s not following conventions, doesn’t really mingle with his environment, and has a unique way of responding to events. For example, when his mother dies, his indifference leads those around him to perceive him as heartless, even possibly a psychopath. And after shooting and killing a thug who attacks him, he displays no remorse.
But later on in the story, we learn that Meursault isn’t a person with bad intentions who purposefully does evil deeds. He’s just different, the odd one out, as he’s detached from accepted conduct. Although often different from Meursault, many experience estrangement from the world. These people have drifted away from others. They became disentangled. This estrangement could have a particular cause, such as a bad experience with people. Or maybe, like Meursault, one’s personality doesn’t quite jive with the rest, making one socially incompatible to a certain extent.
Whatever the reason, this (often) self-imposed seclusion isn’t always without dangers. As a lover of solitude, I think it’s useful to look at the dark sides behind turning our backs on society. This video explores why we drift away from people, the resulting loneliness and estrangement, and the associated dangers. If you want to help keep us going, support us on Patreon. You’ll get access to ALL Einzelgänger videos ad-free.
Drifting away from people can happen slowly and gradually but also quite quickly. We find ourselves communicating less with people, whether it’s our family or friends. Maybe the connection is gone, conversations feel empty, and interests have shifted. Or perhaps we’re always too tired or never have time to meet, as our busy schedules hardly allow us to have a social life. But it could also be that, like Meursault, we have trouble resonating with the conventional, you know, the white picket fence, the 2.3 kids, the 9-5, watching sports on the weekends, or asking people “How are you!” without actually being interested in the answer.
We lose interest in engaging with other people for many reasons. In a positive sense, we might deeply enjoy solitude; for example, it allows us to find wisdom and experience personal growth we usually don’t find in the company of others. In a negative sense, we seek solitude out of hate or fear. We just don’t like being around people. Maybe it’s because of how they judge us, the sense of being under the scrutinizing gaze whenever in the presence of others. Existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre stated that “Hell is other people” as we begin to see ourselves through their eyes in their presence.
Whether we like it or not, in most cases, the presence of other people changes our experience of ourselves and the world. For example, we may be home alone, enjoying whatever we’re doing, but when someone enters, there’s suddenly a different game going on. Most likely, there’s a shift in our behavior; we put on a mask, even if it’s just a subtle one. We do this because we consider what other people think about us and may not even be conscious we’re doing it. Pessimist philosopher Schopenhauer mentioned that we can only be truly ourselves when alone. In a way, that’s what Sartre also implies: when alone, we are free from other people’s influence, free to be ourselves. That’s why solitude feels so liberating, as we’re away from other people’s gaze.
Another reason we drift away could be disappointment in the world around us. We may be disappointed in our direct environment and how family and friends treat us (or treat each other, for that matter). We could have been victims of an unfortunate string of bad relationships, which led us to the conclusion that people, generally, are a bunch of toxic bastards, better to be avoided. Just look at any ‘lone wolf’ type of villain, and we’ll find traces of abuse by others in their past, turning them into these secluded misanthropes.
However, the disappointment that causes people to drift away could also direct itself toward a broader scope, which is quite common nowadays. For example, take people’s discontent with specific political policies. They feel overlooked, marginalized, or mistreated. Due to the copious amounts of negative news, people often develop the distorted view that the world is entirely doom and gloom and that the best way to defend oneself against this is by stacking two hundred cans of tuna and living in a bunker. Others may experience such disgust by our very species that they wish to distance themselves from humanity.
This dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs, the pervasive Weltschmerz looming over our existence like a dark cloud, may drive people to withdraw and observe the perceived collapse from a distance, in solitude. Some experience drifting away from people as a blessing, while others suffer in isolation. Some grow exponentially in solitude, others hide and self-destruct. So, as we drift away from people, are we floating toward heaven or hell?
Drifting away from people isn’t all bad, though. For some, the disentanglement from the herd, so to speak, is a blessing. Consider the freedom from conventions and the peace of mind that comes with not dealing with others. Is there anything better than sitting alone by the river with a fishing rod, somewhere in nature, far away from the hustle and bustle of society? Think of the Taoist sage, becoming one with the Tao, residing in a blissful solitude. Or how about the mountain hermits of China? They estrange themselves from the general public to seek things like self-cultivation, harmony with nature, and spiritual enlightenment.
Solitude isn’t inherently harmful; it’s how we use it that matters. Estrangement and loneliness can be just as hellish as being around people. In our solitude, we may be free from the judgmental gaze of others; we are now alone with our thoughts. And the quality of our thoughts decides our experience in that solitude rather than the circumstances. We could live in the most beautiful environment, somewhere in nature; if cynical thoughts constantly plague our minds, we won’t have a good time. The same goes for those who carry hatred toward the people they’ve drifted away from.
Take, for example, people of both sexes who have decided to remain single forever. Whether or not that’s the best choice in their particular situation aside, we often see such radical decisions go together with resentment. The same could be said about people embracing particular, extreme world views, which often happens in seclusion, tumbling down some ideological rabbit hole into an echo chamber of like-minded souls on the internet, which exposes them to highly warped views of reality. Research shows that, specifically, ‘moral echo chambers’ can boost radicalization. One study examined over 900,000 posts in an online community on Reddit known as ‘incels,’ which stands for ‘involuntary celibates.’
Lead author of this study, Dr. Mohammad Atari, states: “In our research, we find that the more people are in morally homogeneous environments, the more likely they are to resort to radical means to defend themselves and their values.” End quote.
Sometimes, people’s ‘drifting away’ is colored by anger and hostility toward a whole group, sometimes the entire human species. Without a doubt, they had once decided that by secluding themselves, perhaps for a while, they’d do themselves a favor, which could have been valid to an extent. However, when wallowing in hatred and fear toward whatever, regardless of how much they believe it’s justified, can they claim they’re better off in solitude?
Imagine you’re a guy in your forties, somewhere in, let’s say, the UK, spending his days scrolling on some racial purist websites while actively loathing the cesspool Western civilization has become, as the Jews are carrying out their plans to eradicate the white race by flooding the continent with immigrants. It’s all going down. Muslims are taking over, which has always been their secret goal while moving to Europe under the guise of labor migration, those sneaky bastards.
In isolation, often operating in these echo chambers, people become susceptible to some very questionable theories. Of course, the idea that some of their beliefs are pretty ridiculous, while others may contain some kernel of truth but lack significant nuance, doesn’t cross their mind anymore, as the only ‘truth’ they expose themselves to is brought by some Neo-Nazi from Harrison, Arkansas, preaching to his internet choir all day. Don’t get me wrong: choosing to be indoctrinated every Friday afternoon by your local extremist isn’t any better.
It’s just that estrangement from people and self-imposed isolation can lead some to dark pathways. I mean, what’s life like focusing on all this bleakness 24/7? How does that actually make you feel? “Well, reality doesn’t care about feelings,” you say. That’s true, but how reliable is your ‘reality’ when you’re secluded from and out of touch with your environment, and your only gateway to what’s happening in the world are the screens of your devices?
Dr. Atari states: “What I am more convinced of is that putting yourself in an extremely homogeneous environment wherein nobody disagrees with your values, or cheers ‘hell yeah!’, is not a great environment to be in, and it might even radicalize you.” Consider the ‘regular’ people we’ve been drifting away from, you know, those we might come across when touching grass: the majority, the ‘normies,’ some call them (not from a place of kindness, by the way).
You may not like these people. Nonetheless, they function as an essential sounding board for what’s happening on a grassroots level. And, I’d say, observing them in real life, experiencing life with them and through their eyes, is most likely a much more objective lens of perceiving society than what the Neo-Nazi from Arkansas, or a radicalized imam, or Andrew Tate has to say about it. Sure, the normies are oblivious to some things going on, but they also, at the same time, represent the gist of what’s going on.
How can we know the supposed “truth” about them if we don’t associate with them, don’t live among them, don’t speak with them, or hang out with them, and the only information about these normies comes from members of our little, closed-off bubbles, who declare their ideas as absolute facts? We lose touch with society when estranged from those who form the lion’s share.
I don’t claim losing touch with society is a bad thing per se. Most likely, not even all echo chambers are harmful. However, suppose, in our seclusion, we are simultaneously susceptible to other voices trying to shape reality for us, and these voices are entirely out of whack with reality and seek to recruit followers for a particular ideology or theory built on these out-of-whack ideas. In that case, we escape people we perceive as harmful but let ourselves be sucked in by others preying on our estrangement along the way.
Of course, embracing extremist voices is just one part of the story. Loneliness and estrangement entail other nasty side effects as well, such as mental health issues like depression and anxiety. I might talk about those and my personal experiences in another video. As mentioned, solitude or drifting away from people isn’t inherently wrong. Aloneness can be a blessing, depending on how we use it.
But suppose we find ourselves becoming increasingly miserable and resentful in our estrangement. Suppose we’re becoming forces for destruction, tumbling deeper and deeper into some rabbit hole where everyone agrees with each other and reinforces questionable ideas, some of which are entirely out of touch with reality. In that case, we might want to change our course, i.e., drift into another direction. Thank you for watching.