Top 5 Gratuitous B00BS in Gaming -- Wackygamer: V-LIST #4
This is Jeff and this is Adam, and we love boobs just as much as the next guy. But a gratuitous nip slip in a video game makes about as much sense as an urve platter at an orgy, which is why we decide to bring you the top five most gratuitous boob shots in video games.
Number five: Dante's Inferno. I knew Dante's Inferno was a total jugfest when I got to Cleopatra, who basically spits out spider babies from the nipples of her giant undulating boobs. All I'm saying is maybe if the game designers spent half as much time rendering boob sweat as they did, uh, on actual gameplay, the game wouldn't come out as like a bastardized oversexed version of God of War. I also like the part where you find your wife dead, the sword sticking out of her, and as you go to kiss her and find out what's going on, it's just a tit in your face. Take that, feminist movement.
Number four: Felicia from Darkstalkers. See, I have no problem with fighting games with female characters with big boobs dressed in spandex, but did we really need a Catwoman dressed only in gauze bandage? Yes? No? That was kind of gratuitous. It's like Leeloo Dallas from Fifth Element, except she was hot and not a cat.
Number three: Leisure Suit Larry: Summa Cum Laude. All right, all the Leisure Suit Larry games revolve around sex, but this one's especially bad. They basically use sex puns and nip slips to cover up for the fact that the gameplay is less advanced than your average iPhone app. So if you like playing Simon, you'll love playing Leisure Suit Larry: red, green, yellow, blue, yellow, yellow, yellow, green, yellow, blue, yellow—boring!
Number two: Rumble Roses XX. This is a women's wrestling game. Two women enter, sit on each other's faces, shake some boobs, and one is crowned the winner. My friends never actually played this game; they just used it as a lesbian porn simulator. You said you wouldn't tell anybody that. Oh, sorry dude.
Number one: Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball. This is a really significant game because it's when DOA decided that nobody was playing their games for gameplay and just decided to show women in bikinis at the beach. If you ever wondered why women hate us, well, this is it! You'd be frustrated too if every time you came home, your girlfriend was drooling over a video game featuring a man with a 5-ft penis.
"Your girlfriend plays the video game!"
"I'm in, dude!"
"Not cool."
"You're right, it's 6 feet. Open my mouth."