With Horses' Help, Army Veteran Finds Healing in Yellowstone | National Geographic

I served in the US Army for 11 years. I was in 10 Special Forces Group, did all my combat deployments to Afghanistan, been diagnosed with PTSD, pretty bad anxiety, and for a long time, 8 months, I didn't want to leave the house at all.

I went on a horse packing trip with an outfit called Heroes and Horses last year. They take combat veterans to the mountains, and I went on that trip. All of a sudden, I found purpose, and it fundamentally changed my life. I'm trying to get to Manhattan, Montana, and when I get there, I'm going to donate all my tack and all my ponies to Heroes and Horses, 'cause I believe this program is amazing and it's going to help a lot of veterans.

A friend of mine that I worked with in the back country, who was also a veteran, committed suicide about a month ago. So when I heard that Ray was riding 1,000 miles from Colorado to Montana, along the Continental Divide, to seek healing through horses in wilderness, I asked to come along. I myself have completed two similar long-distance rides and feel a bond with Ray.

"Let's go through Yellowstone."

"Yeah, that's pretty cool, dude."

"It's so freaking cool, man! Hats off to that buffalo for standing his ground."

I've been carrying this Ride and Reel around since Colorado; I haven't caught one fish yet.

"Yeah, this is absurd. It's typically bad luck to catch a fish on the first cast."

"Nice dude, here's five!"

"Holy crap! Here we go, here we go, here we go! Now we're talking Yellowstone Cut Throat trout!"

"Catching up, Ray."

"Oh, I just missed one!"

"I got one too, nice! That was probably the fastest I've ever seen 15 fish get caught. That was pretty cool."

Part of the reason why I did this trip is for my buddy Clint, who just passed away two weeks ago. I wasn't able to go to his funeral, and I thought, you know, this is the perfect way to come out and honor our friendship in the good times.

"I think so too. So to Clint! To the guys that took their lives for reasons that we never understand."

"The mules are just amazing critters that give you lots of love and affection, a lot more than my mare does. This is the first time I've been able to come up to him while he's been laying down without him standing up. This is so cool!"

"I'm going to try it in the other mule. Hey buddy, hey buddy."

These ponies have absolutely trust in me now; they agree, and that makes me feel really good. These ponies have an amazing ability: once you gain their trust, they care for you. They believe in you and look for you for leadership. When someone's looking for you for leadership, you can't fail them, and that's an amazing thing. You stop worrying about yourself.

I haven't learned anything new about myself on this trip; I just found things that I had once lost. It's really easy to get in a pattern of self-defeat, and I think that's where I was at. This challenge made me realize that there was nothing wrong with me.