yego.me
💡 Stop wasting time. Read Youtube instead of watch. Download Chrome Extension

I’m Averse To People! (A Stoic perspective)


3m read
·Nov 4, 2024

Processing might take a few minutes. Refresh later.

The dynamics of desire and aversion lie at the basis of Stoic thought in regards to how we relate to the world. Aversion means a strong dislike and disinclination towards something or someone. Even though this might seem harmless, it can cause a lot of trouble. In this video, I want to share Stoic views on aversion and how to deal with it. I recently got a question from Frank Bask, asking me: “Can you make a video about aversion? More specifically, aversion to a certain person or group of people. I’ve been struggling with that for the past couple of weeks.” End quote.

Well, to understand aversion, we have to understand its polar opposite as well, which is desire. Because desire is a form of aversion and aversion is a form of desire. I think I’m throwing a bit of Taoism in there by saying that one opposite cannot exist without the other and that both turn around a spindle. Let’s say that we desire a million dollars. And I mean that we really crave for it. The desire automatically contains the aversion to not having a million dollars, which we could translate into the aversion to being poor.

By taking this position, we make our future happiness conditional. If we’re able to obtain a million dollars, we’re happy. But if we fail, we’re miserable. This is a quote by Epictetus about this mechanism: “Remember that following desire promises the attainment of that of which you are desirous; and aversion promises the avoiding that to which you are averse. However, he who fails to obtain the object of his desire is disappointed, and he who incurs the object of his aversion wretched.” End quote.

Does this mean that we should abolish desire and aversion? No, that’s too simplistic. The Stoics of old recognized that human nature has a tendency to desire things that are good for us. They called this phenomenon oikeiosis. Things that are good for us but not necessarily required for reaching a state of eudaimonia are known as preferred indifferents. Examples of these are wealth, health, and a good reputation. The opposite are dispreferred indifferents. Examples of these are death, poverty, and sickness.

So, how does this boil down to the aversion towards a person or a group of people? Being averse to a serial killer is healthy because incurring a serial killer probably isn’t good for your health. And it would also be wise to be averse to a thief, savage, and any other person that will do us harm. Since human nature wants us to live, it makes sense that we naturally avoid the people that pose a threat.

So, we might want to ask ourselves the following questions: Are our estimations about the people we’re averse to truly correct? Do the people we’re averse to truly pose a threat? Many fears are irrational. As Seneca wrote to his friend Lucilius: “There are more things, Lucilius, likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” End quote.

According to the Stoics, our capacity for rational thinking is what sets us apart from animals. This means that fears, even though they might be ingrained in the primitive part of our nature, can be overridden by rational thoughts. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a way to replace irrational thoughts with rational thinking, and this form of therapy happens to have roots in Stoicism.

Let’s say you’re averse to a group of people because of prejudices based on news coverage in regards to that group. We have a tendency to think that all members of that group are like that, which probably isn't true. Moreover, we only know this information for sure if we know every single person of that group. Similarly, this applies to a single person we might be averse to. We might have heard some rumors and formed an image in our heads about this person that does not correspond with reality.

“Accordingly, some things torment us more than they ought; some torment us before they ought; and some torment us when they ought not to torment us at all. We are in the habit of exaggerating, or imagining, or anticipating, sorrow.” End quote. The trick is to c...

More Articles

View All
The 5 WORST Investing Mistakes for 2023 (Investing for Beginners)
This video is sponsored by Morning Brew. Sign up to their free daily newsletter using the link in the description. Okay, so 2023 is your year. You’re finally getting serious about your investing, and you’re going to take the time to knuckle down and set …
The Law You Won't Be Told
On a jury, you know your options: guilty, or not. But there’s another choice that neither the judge nor the lawyers will tell you—often because they’re not allowed to, and also it might be better if you don’t know. This video will tell you that third choi…
Buddha - Conquer Fear, Become Free
In The Dhammapada, the Buddha says that a wise person is beyond fear and, as a result, is truly free. And there’s a Zen story that shares a similar message. During a Japanese civil war, an army was taking control of different villages. And in one village,…
Tech's Impact On Young Brains | America Inside Out with Katie Couric
As more young people like David pull up in their rooms with their devices, studies show a generation delaying adulthood. Fewer get driver’s licenses, have after-school jobs, or date. But most alarming, the suicide rate for girls ages 15 to 19 doubled betw…
Types of financial risks | Insurance | Financial Literacy | Khan Academy
So let’s talk about what I would consider a little bit of a downer topic, and then that’s a financial risk. I’ll just tell you about the things that I worry about. First and foremost, what happens if I lose my job? Maybe it’s a bad economy, and I have tr…
Where Do GREAT Ideas Come From
Where do great ideas come from? And why do some people have bigger, better ideas than others? When we look at some of the most creative people who have ever lived, something jumps out at us. We can look at David Lynch, who wrote and directed Twin Peaks, M…