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Mario vs. Link: Who Would Win?? NERD WARS


4m read
·Nov 10, 2024

Nerd wars time! It's Friday again! We're gonna do some old-school action today. Oh, nerd wars! Someone suggested this on the YouTube channel comment, you know that thing down here? And I was too lazy to figure out who it was. I forgot, but here it is: Link versus Mario. I'm gonna be doing Link. I'm gonna be doing Mario. That sounds... yeah, it does sound dirty.

Hello! I'm gonna be doing the little boy with the pony hat. I'm going to be arguing in favor of the Italian plumber. Good, didn't wanna start off kicking off. I'll start it off. Alright, uh okay. I'm gonna talk inventory.

Alright, Mario has the inventory. He has an out inventory! Oh come on, he's got it! He's got a backpack that shoots water! He's got... he grabs a star, he's invincible! He's shooting fireballs, he's got a raccoon suit, a Tanooki suit, a friggin' frog suit!

Okay, so you're gonna get a frog? He can turn into a frog! He can turn it, what's his name? Skills? But he has no weapon skills! But the water cannon, slightly okay, fireballs, Link can just bounce them off of the shield. Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing! Then just knife him! Oh, a little freaking furry tail! Shield shank! Shield shank, you're done!

Yeah, and we're done! Of course, oh meringue! Mario would just... okay, I beat enough hammer brothers in Mario games to know you can just jump over that boomerang! I can't! Ange, I'm for shame! Right on Link's head! They can't aim for... and then aim for nothing! You can throw the boomerang, and then you could just knife the guy when you got too close!

No! Yes! No! What I mean? What else you got? Oh, okay, well, doesn't have the power of the Triforce! Link doesn't have any power whatsoever! Link, magical power... Blin Triforce is sniveling a little.

Oh, hold on here! You're talking that the guy who cleans drains for a living is going to defeat a hero? That's his whole purpose, is to be a hero! No, the thing is, Mario, you think that shield would stop him? Mario would just go down a tunnel! To go down a pipe! Floop! Pop right up behind them! Fireball freak!

But no! Crime tunnel! There's tunnels too! There's tunnels in Mario! I decide to use a pipe at the bottom of pipes! Hmm, I could also go into a snake barrel if it's my brother!

Let's talk about backup posse! Link has no backup posse! We're not talking about... where's his Yoshi? Fairies! Fairies, alright! Link hangs out with a bunch of fairies! That's all he's got! Mario has got his brother! Alright, Luigi!

He's got Yoshi, he's got Princess Toadstool, which just proves how lame Mario is! He needs this backup posse! Where's Link? He can just go! Strength in numbers! Link can be on his own and just save the world!

Third reason, Mario, I'd like to see Mario pull the sword! He could pull a sword! He can't pull the sword up! He could pull his own camp! If he can pull the daikon radish out of the ground in Mario Brothers 2, he can pull a sword! Link pulls up bushes! Shh!

Anybody could do that! Pushes out any ground! Mario lifts all sorts of people right above his head! Just throws! And Link's a stone-cold killer!

Link is not a stone-cold... have you seen how he, like, just burns bushes down? Breaks people, talk about the carapace! He's rude! He's rude! He's an independent thinker!

Alright, independent thinker! Mario has the ability to grow facial hair while Link is prepubescent. I can draw him up! Yeah! Link’s grown up in several games! He grows up into a taller little boy! He never looks like a man! You know why? 'Cause he doesn't a damn man!

Call me Web Link! Call me out! Mute! You don't need to be a man to defeat Mario! Yet, you do need to be a man! Bartoli's like a 7-year-old! He's a 7-year-old plumber! Mario is probably in like his mid-30s!

No, he's way older than that! Yeah, if you look the way... think he's wearing a hat all the time! Look, I know, Mario, my guy who knows! He's not bald! Balding!

That's no... that's not why! Where's the hell don't you take off with a hat? To Luigi, he wears the hat because underneath that he has all of his hair! He has a flowing mane! He's like Fabio! He's like an Italian Fabio!

'Cause I don't think it's Fabio's Italian! So it's a lot more! It's just two company! I'm gonna give this one to Link!

You're gonna give it to Link just because that's what you want to say? You're talking because he's got weapon selection! More! Mario has tongue! Doesn't need a backup crew!

Oh, he doesn't need no crew to kill people! What's up? Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't need a crew! But Mario has a crew! Mario would win!

Alright, we're gonna end this! No, we're not! We're gonna end it with me winning! I win! No one ever! Why's this is the one that Adam wins! Adam totally wins this one!

No, no! Okay, um, seriously, he lost his glasses again! Uh, winner! Widow K will give her will say he's the winner! Post your suggestions down below and we will do them! Winner! [Music]

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