Paul Ekman: Do We Want Liars in Our Lives | Big Think.

The most malevolent application of my work would be for people to learn how to not get caught when they perpetrate serious lies. How to actually become better at lying. In most interactions we have with other people, we seek honesty. In fact, on most of the public opinion polls that have been done, it comes up as the first or second most important criteria in terms of who we’re going to have as a friend, the relationships we want with our children, with our partner or spouse. We want them to be honest with us.

I’ve been asked by a sitting president – I won’t say which one – to enhance their credibility, in other words, make them more successful as a liar. And of course, I would never vote for a president who I didn’t think could lie. We don’t want our political leaders, when they deal with other political leaders, to put all their cards face up. We don’t want them to be untrustworthy either. So it’s a fine line that’s walked between truth and dishonesty.

[Henry] Kissinger, not a politician that I enormously admire, but in his book on diplomacy, he said it’s accepted if we conceal our true beliefs, our bottom line. But to ever actually say something false ruins you for future diplomatic encounters. So you can conceal but you can’t falsify.

When my wife comes and says, “I just bought this new dress. What do you think of it?” She wants me to say that’s smashing. But I say that I don’t flatter her. So if I think it’s the wrong color or the wrong cut, that’s what I’ll tell her. That’s not what she wants. She wants the smashing. But I’ve tried to convince her over more than three decades that it’s useful to have someone who will tell you the truth.