Dealing With Anger (A Stoic & Buddhist Perspective)
Of what use is anger when the same end can be arrived at by reason? Do you suppose that a hunter is angry with the beasts he kills? Seneca.
Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. There are different ways in which anger manifests and also different ways to handle it. Some people throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way, while others respond with anger when they are in danger. A respectable amount of people cling to the idea of being wronged, which results in a form of anger that slowly consumes us, also known as resentment.
In this video, I’d like to talk about anger, the dangers of anger, and some suggestions on how to deal with it from a Stoic and Buddhist perspective. Even though anger is natural, we cannot deny that the consequences of unrelented and uncontrolled anger can be devastating. It's not uncommon that anger leads to murder. History has taught us that deeply rooted anger, also called hate, can lead to mass violence, war, and even genocide.
Still, many people justify anger, calling it ‘righteous anger’ when they have solid reasons to be angry. People also see anger as a functional emotion that assists us in asserting ourselves and self-defense. Aristotle declared anger to be a desire to repay suffering. We could also see anger as a form of energy, and when harvested the right way, it may help us to attain our goals.
Stoic philosopher Seneca, however, is critical towards the validity of these claims, telling us that anger is a form of madness. I quote: “...for it is equally devoid of self-control, regardless of decorum, forgetful of kinship, obstinately engrossed in whatever it begins to do, deaf to reason and advice, excited by trifling causes, awkward at perceiving what is true and just, and very like a falling rock which breaks itself to pieces upon the very thing which it crushes.” End quote.
There is a Buddhist story that challenges the notion of righteous anger, by telling us about a young boy with a bad temper. His father was concerned about this. But instead of fighting anger with anger, he gave the boy a bag of nails and a hammer. He told him to hammer a nail into the fence every time he loses his temper.
After the first day, the boy hammered about thirty nails into the fence. But as the days passed, the daily amount of nails decreased, until the day came that the boy didn't lose his temper once. He proudly told his father, who then instructed his son to pull out a nail every time he was able to suppress his temper. Finally, the day arrived when all the nails were pulled out. The father showed his son the fence and said: “Well done, my son. However, I want you to look closely at the fence. It's full of holes, which means that it has been changed forever. When you let anger out, it will leave scars. You can stick a knife in someone and pull it out, but no matter how often you apologize: the scar will be there forever.”
End quote. Even when we may seem to have a very good reason to be angry, which is basically a sense of being wronged and violated, we only risk doing further damage (especially to ourselves) if we throw our ability to reason in the gutter and let our emotions take over. “When reason ends, anger begins,” said the Dalai Lama.
Now, there are many different forms of anger. There is rage, surliness, resentment, bitterness, harshness; there is temporary anger that lasts a few minutes, and long-term anger that lasts a lifetime. Tibetan Buddhist monk Geshe YongDong distinguished two types of anger: hot anger and cold anger. The first type of anger is the one that, figuratively speaking, sets oneself and the surroundings on fire. The second type of anger is the one that’s internalized and repressed and can be carried along for years, eating one up inside.
According to Seneca, we should not confuse human anger with the aggression we see in animals since human anger is based on flawed reasoning, while animal aggression is based on impulses. A fundamental difference between animals and humans is our ability to reason. Seneca doubts the usefulness of anger for humanity, by explaining the nature of anger compared to the nature of man. I quote: “Yet what is more savage against them than anger? Mankind is born for mutual assistance, anger for mutual ruin: the former loves society, the latter estrangement. The one loves to do good, the other to do harm; the one to help even strangers, the other to attack even its dearest friends. The one is ready even to sacrifice itself for the good of others, the other to plunge into peril provided it drags others with it.”
End quote. Now, is anger useful? Both Buddhist and Stoic ideas agree on one point: anger is not useful. The Dalai Lama pointed this out in his book A Policy of Kindness, stating that anger is not necessary when we have the power of reason. Moreover, when we resort to using force, we probably don't have good reasons to do so. I quote: “If there are sound reasons or bases for the points you demand, then there is no need to use violence. On the other hand, when there is no sound reason that concessions should be made to you but mainly your own desire, then reason cannot work and you have to rely on force. Thus, using force is not a sign of strength but rather a sign of weakness.”
End quote. Therefore, when we are about to throw a tantrum, it's always good to ask ourselves the following question: am I doing this from a place of power, or from a place of powerlessness? According to Seneca, there is nothing reason cannot do that anger can. In his work, Of Anger, he makes a distinction between using force and using force with anger.
In some situations, it is necessary to use force. Many people believe that using force goes together with anger, and that being angry can somehow assist them in their use of force. But Seneca compared anger to drunkenness; in a battle, angry fighters have no control over their movements, like drunks. Eventually, their rashness leads to defeat by a more intelligent opponent that isn’t led by the passions.
So, what can we do about it? Well, anger comes in different stages. It may start with a light irritation which then builds up to one angry outburst. When the latter is the case, it’s too late. Seneca argues that in order to remedy anger, we should become aware of it in the early stages and apply antidotes when it’s still small. I quote: “That which is diseased can never bear to be handled without complaining: it is best, therefore, to apply remedies to oneself as soon as we feel that anything is wrong, to allow oneself as little licence as possible in speech, and to restrain one’s impetuosity: now it is easy to detect the first growth of our passions: the symptoms precede the disorder.”
End quote. So, it is clear that the Stoics prefer tranquility over anger. But how do we achieve this? In Buddhist as well as Stoic sources we’ll find different approaches and ideas that can help to kick anger to the curb.
An important one is patience, which, according to Seneca, is a product of reason. The thought behind patience is actually an important Buddhist doctrine called impermanence. Everything is in flux and what’s happening in this moment will soon be the past. Not only do the things that we are upset about lose their significance; the feelings of anger will start to subside. That’s why counting to 10 is excellent advice. Although, in some cases, it may be better to count to 100.
Another one is acknowledging that we are angry. This doesn’t mean that we act out; it’s just that we accept that the emotion is present in our body. Denying the fact that we’re angry, for example, because we want to be goody-goodies that never get angry (regardless of our true feelings), we’re fooling ourselves and the world. It’s just another form of repression, that will end up in the unconscious. We can just say to someone: “I feel angry right now,” without hitting the person with a rock. When we acknowledge our anger, we create space between the observer and the emotion, without identification with that emotion. This way, it won’t control us.
Another one is forgiveness, which works better when it comes to long-term anger like resentment. When we forgive, we can finally give ourselves permission to let go of the grudges that we’ve been carrying around for so long. The Stoic idea of control is a good argument to practice forgiveness: some things are in our control, some things aren’t. We can’t change the past; we can’t control what the person who wronged us says, does, or feels, but we can change our own position towards it. We can let go and forgive. Or we can choose to drink poison and wait for the other person to perish. But it’s more likely that this leads to our own slow and painful death.
Thank you for watching.