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8 STOIC TIPS FOR SOLVING PROBLEMS WITH PEOPLE | STOICISM INSIGHTS


16m read
·Nov 4, 2024

Have you ever felt utterly overwhelmed by the noise around you, the endless stream of opinions, expectations, and the relentless pressure of 'keeping up'? Imagine this: ancient stoic philosophers over 2,000 years ago faced the same human emotions, struggles, and questions about identity and purpose that we grapple with today. It's fascinating, isn't it? That the wisdom from centuries past still holds profound relevance in our modern, fast-paced world. Today we're diving deep into the stoic way of life, uncovering timeless truths that can help us navigate the chaos of the 21st century with grace, resilience, and profound inner peace.

Whether you're struggling with stress, seeking meaning, or simply curious about a philosophical approach to life that has stood the test of time, you're in the right place. Together, we'll explore how stoicism isn't just a set of ideas but a practical guide to living more fully, authentically, and serenely. And if you're eager to embark on this journey of self-discovery and timeless wisdom with us, please hit that subscribe button. And remember, every part of this video is crafted with you in mind, so don't skip any section. Each moment is a step towards a more stoic, resilient you.

Isn't it curious how much we all, at some point in our lives, find ourselves entangled in the web of others' opinions? We often surrender our peace of mind and happiness trying to fit into the molds others create for us. But let's pause for a moment and delve into the ancient stoic wisdom. Marcus Aurelius emphasized the futility of seeking external approval. He urges us to question this innate desire to please others, challenging us to break free from the chains of external validation.

It's a liberating thought, isn't it, to realize that the only approval you truly need is your own? Now think about it. When you lay your head on your pillow at night, it's your thoughts you're left with, not others'. So why not make those thoughts about your true self, your values, and your actions? Imagine the freedom of being unapologetically you, not swayed by fleeting opinions or the latest trends.

But how do we start caring less about people's opinions? It begins with understanding and reaffirming your values. What do you stand for? What matters most to you? When your actions are in harmony with your beliefs, there's a profound sense of peace and authenticity that no amount of external approval can match. Moreover, embracing your uniqueness attracts the right kind of people into your life—those who appreciate you for who you genuinely are, not for who they want you to be. It's about quality, not quantity.

Having a few meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and understanding is infinitely more fulfilling than seeking the fleeting approval of the masses. It's crucial to remember that people's opinions are just that—opinions. They are subjective, variable, and often more reflective of the person expressing them than of you. As Marcus Aurelius wisely points out, the only constant and true validation comes from within, from living a life aligned with your values and principles.

When we talk about being honest, it's easy to default to the idea of not lying to others. But stoicism invites us to explore honesty on a much deeper level. It's about aligning our external actions and words with our internal values and beliefs. This alignment fosters a profound sense of integrity and wholeness. Imagine the peace that comes from knowing your actions are not just surface-level performances but true reflections of your inner self.

Epictetus, one of the great stoic philosophers, really hammers this point home. He suggests that honesty doesn't just make moral sense; it makes practical sense. Think about it. Deceit requires us to remember our lies, cover our tracks, and live in constant fear of being found out. It's mentally exhausting. Honesty, on the other hand, is simple and liberating. It frees us from the tangled web of deceit and allows us to live with ease and clarity.

But here's the real kicker: honesty affects not only our relationship with others but also with ourselves. When we are honest with ourselves about our strengths, our flaws, our desires, we pave the way for genuine growth and self-acceptance. It's like clearing out the clutter in our minds to make room for more peace, more understanding, and more authentic connections with the people around us.

And yet, embracing honesty is not always easy. It requires courage and vulnerability. It means sometimes admitting we were wrong, facing our mistakes, and dealing with the consequences of our actions. But the reward—trust, respect, and a clear conscience—is immeasurably worth it. So how can we cultivate this virtue in our daily lives? It starts with small steps. Practice transparency in your interactions. Reflect on your day and acknowledge moments where you might not have been entirely honest. Ask yourself why and how you can improve. Remember, it's a journey, and every step toward honesty is a step toward a more serene and meaningful life.

We've all felt that sting, that immediate reaction when someone's words or actions seem to hit us right where it hurts. Seneca, with his profound understanding of human nature, reminds us to look beyond the surface. He suggests that when someone acts in a way that we find hurtful or offensive, it's often not really about us at all. People act based on their perceptions, their struggles, and their history. It's like everyone is moving through the world wearing a unique pair of glasses that colors how they see everything around them, including us.

Now think about a time when you might have snapped at someone or acted in a way that wasn't really you. Chances are you were dealing with something else entirely—stress, fear, insecurity, or maybe you were just having a really bad day. Now, if we can recognize this in ourselves, why not extend that same understanding to others? This perspective shift, which Seneca advocates, is about empathy, but it's also about self-preservation.

When we stop taking things personally, we detach ourselves from the unnecessary pain that comes with believing everyone's actions are about us. It's like setting down a heavy burden we've been carrying around. Suddenly, we can breathe, move, and live more freely. But how do we actually do this? How do we stop taking things personally, especially when our emotions are already flared up? It starts with a pause. When you feel that rush of hurt or anger, just pause. Take a breath. Remind yourself of Seneca's words: This might not be about me at all. This simple act of pausing can prevent a reactive spiral and give you space to choose a more reasoned response.

It's also about building resilience and understanding. The more we remind ourselves that we don't have the full picture of what someone else is going through, the less likely we are to be wounded by their actions or words. And when we do get hurt—because it will happen—we can treat it as a practice ground for our stoic principles. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can it help me grow? In embracing this stoic approach, we not only protect our peace of mind but also open ourselves up to more compassionate and meaningful interactions. We become less reactive, more understanding, and, in a way, more connected to the humanity in everyone we meet.

Marcus Aurelius often wrote about patience. He saw it not just as a passive waiting but as an active engagement with the present moment, whatever it may hold. To him, being patient was akin to donning armor against the trials of life, transforming potential irritants into lessons of endurance and calm. Think about it. When you're stuck in traffic, there's a kind of freedom in accepting you can't move faster than the cars in front of you. It's an opportunity to listen to your favorite music, an audiobook, or simply to your own thoughts.

This shift doesn't change the traffic, but it changes how you experience it, turning a frustrating wait into a moment of peace or even enjoyment. Similarly, when dealing with a challenging person, imagine if instead of reacting with irritation or anger, you respond with patience. You give yourself a moment to understand where they're coming from, to recognize that their behavior is more about their own struggles than anything else. This doesn't mean you accept bad behavior, but you respond to it with composure and thoughtfulness, which often diffuses tension and leads to better outcomes for everyone involved.

Patience, in the stoic sense, is about embracing the moment rather than fighting against it. It's about seeing the delay, the annoyance, or the obstacle as part of the path, not a deviation from it. Every moment of impatience is a chance to practice, to deepen your understanding of stoicism, and to cultivate a serene mind. But how can we cultivate this patience in our everyday lives? It starts with awareness. Recognize when impatience is starting to bubble up inside you. Then pause. Take a deep breath. Remember Marcus Aurelius and the countless others who have faced far greater trials with patience and dignity.

Another practical step is to adjust your expectations. Often, our impatience stems from things not going according to our plan. But if we remind ourselves that we're not in control of everything, only our response to things, we can set more realistic expectations and find peace in the unfolding of life, however it happens. View each test of patience as an opportunity, not a hurdle. Like a muscle that gets stronger with exercise, your capacity for patience grows every time you choose it over frustration or anger. And the rewards are immense: a calmer mind, less stress, and a reputation as someone who is composed and thoughtful even in challenging situations.

Epictetus knew a thing or two about adversity and integrity. He didn't just lecture about stoicism in the classroom; he lived it every single day. And he encouraged his students to do the same. To embody your philosophy is about making your life a testament to your values, letting your actions speak louder than your words. Imagine the ripple effect you can create by simply living out your principles. When you show kindness, even in challenging situations, others take notice. It might inspire them to act kindly in turn.

When you demonstrate integrity, refusing to compromise on your values, it sets a standard for those around you. And when you face adversity with resilience, maintaining a calm and composed demeanor, it can be a beacon of hope for others who are struggling. But how do we actually do this? How do we become an example for others? It starts with self-reflection. Take a moment to consider the values that are truly important to you, what principles do you want to guide your life? Once you have clarity on these, strive to align your actions with your values.

It's about making conscious choices every day that reflect who you are and what you stand for. Of course, nobody's perfect. We all have our moments of weakness, our lapses in judgment. But being an example isn't about perfection. It's about striving, about making a genuine effort to live according to your ideals, even when it's hard. And when you do slip up, it's about owning your mistakes, learning from them, and moving forward with even greater resolve.

Another key aspect of being an example is consistency. It's not just about doing the right thing when it's easy or when people are watching. It's about being consistent in your values, whether you're in the spotlight or alone. This consistency builds trust and respect, and it's what truly sets an example for others. Let's take inspiration from Epictetus and strive to be living embodiments of our philosophy, whether it's kindness, integrity, resilience, or any other virtue. Let's bring it to life in our actions.

Remember, you have the power to inspire, to influence, and to make a positive impact on the world around you. Be the change you wish to see and watch how your example can light the way for others. It seems everywhere we turn—social media, news outlets, even our daily interactions—there's a barrage of negativity, criticism, and yes, the haters. It can be exhausting. But they don't have to dictate your happiness. Marcus Aurelius often wrote about maintaining one's inner peace amidst external turmoil. He spoke of the Inner Citadel, a fortress within you that no external negativity can breach unless we allow it.

This concept is incredibly empowering. Think about it. You have the power to create and maintain a space of peace and calm within you, no matter what storms rage outside. So how do we tune out the haters and keep our Inner Citadel secure? First and foremost, it's about recognizing what is and isn't within our control. We can't control what others say or do, the harsh comments they leave, or the unkind rumors they spread. But we can control our response. We can choose not to engage, not to internalize their negativity, and not to let it disturb our peace.

Another key stoic strategy is to reflect on the intention behind the negativity. Often, those who lash out are struggling with their own issues, insecurities, or pain. Understanding this doesn't excuse their behavior, but it can help us respond with compassion rather than defensiveness or anger. It allows us to see their negativity as their burden, not ours. Practicing mindfulness is also a powerful tool in maintaining our Inner Citadel. When faced with negativity, take a moment to pause and breathe. Remind yourself that this moment of negativity is just that—a moment. It will pass. You don't have to let it define your day or your mood.

By staying present and grounded, you can keep your Inner Peace intact. It's also helpful to surround yourself with positivity. Engage with uplifting content, connect with supportive people, and fill your environment with things that bring you joy and peace. Remember, you have the power to curate your own life experience. Choose positivity and let the negativity slide by. Remember that tuning out the haters is not about building walls or becoming indifferent. It's about choosing where to focus your energy and attention. It's about preserving your Inner Peace and strength so you can face challenges with grace and resilience.

Stoicism might seem all about rationality, but there's a big place for love too. Seneca tells us that love isn't just something you feel; it's something you do. It's an active, vibrant energy that you put out into the world, and it has this beautiful boomerang effect—the more love you give, the more you find it coming back to you, often from the most unexpected places. But what does it mean to be full of love in a stoic sense? It's about approaching every interaction, every person with goodwill and benevolence. It's seeing the humanity in everyone, even those who are challenging to deal with.

It means wishing well for others, genuinely desiring their happiness and well-being regardless of how they feel about you. This isn't always easy, especially when faced with negativity or hostility, but it's a powerful stance that can transform not just your own life but also the lives of those around you. Being full of love also means practicing forgiveness and understanding. Everyone we meet is fighting their own battle, carrying their own burdens. By choosing love and compassion, we lighten their load and our own. We connect on a deeper level, recognizing our shared humanity.

Moreover, stoicism teaches us that love extends beyond just our relationships with people. It's about cultivating a loving relationship with life itself, embracing all its twists and turns with open arms. It's finding joy in the simple things, appreciating the beauty around us, and engaging with the world in a meaningful, positive way. So how can we cultivate this loving, stoic approach to life? Start small. Offer a kind word to a stranger. Show appreciation to your loved ones. Practice gratitude daily. Reflect on your actions and intentions, asking yourself if they're rooted in love and kindness.

And when you encounter negativity or unkindness, try to respond with understanding and compassion. Remember, being full of love isn't about being naive or ignoring the harsh realities of the world. It's about choosing to respond to those realities with love rather than fear or anger. It's a courageous, powerful choice that can lead to true contentment and connection. How often do we find ourselves scrolling through social media, looking at someone else's highlight reel, and feeling like we just don't measure up? But here's a stoic antidote to this pervasive issue: focus on your own path, your own growth, and your own achievements.

The Stoics, with their profound wisdom, teach us that the only comparison worth making is with who we were yesterday, not with someone else today. This idea is so liberating when you really think about it. Imagine freeing yourself from the endless cycle of looking over your shoulder, worrying about what everyone else is doing, and feeling inadequate. The Stoics offer us a different perspective: your journey is yours alone, replete with its own challenges, triumphs, and lessons. By embracing this, you honor your unique path and cultivate a sense of self-worth that isn't reliant on external validation.

But how do we put this into practice, especially in a world that constantly urges us to compare and compete? First, it's about becoming mindful of when we're making these comparisons. Notice that twinge of envy or self-doubt when you see someone else's success or happiness. Acknowledge it, and then gently remind yourself: my path is different, and that's okay. Next, actively celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Did you tackle a difficult task at work? Did you show kindness to a stranger? Did you make time for self-care? These are all victories worth acknowledging.

By celebrating your own progress, you reinforce the idea that your journey is valid and valuable. Another powerful stoic practice is reflecting on your personal growth. Take time to look back at where you were a year ago, five years ago, or even a decade ago. Recognize the strides you've made, the obstacles you've overcome, and the lessons you've learned. This reflection not only boosts your self-esteem but also deepens your appreciation for your unique journey. And remember, the Stoics didn't just talk about personal achievements in terms of career success or material gain. They valued wisdom, virtue, resilience, and inner peace.

So when you measure your progress, consider these deeper, more meaningful markers of growth. Are you more patient than you used to be? More compassionate? More resilient? These are the kinds of achievements that truly reflect your growth as a person. In the whirlwind of our daily lives, it's so easy to get caught up in the minutiae, the endless to-do lists, and the relentless pursuit of our personal goals. But stoicism, with its profound insights into the human condition, reminds us of what's genuinely important: the connections we share with the people we love. Stoicism might seem like it's all about self-discipline and resilience, but at its heart, it's deeply concerned with community and relationships.

The Stoics understood that our time on this earth is fleeting, that every moment we have with our loved ones is precious and not to be taken for granted. They encourage us to live in the present, to appreciate the here and now, and to value the people who add meaning and joy to our lives. But how do we put this into practice, especially when life gets busy and we get distracted? It starts with mindfulness, with making a conscious effort to be present when we're with our loved ones. It means really listening when they speak, engaging with them fully, and showing them through our actions that they matter to us.

Expressing gratitude is another key aspect. It's about letting our loved ones know that we appreciate them, not just in grand gestures but in the everyday, small moments that truly define our relationships. A simple thank you, a note of appreciation, or a kind word can mean so much. It acknowledges the value of the other person and the contribution they make to our lives. And then there's expressing love, which can be done in countless ways tailored to the individual and the relationship. It might be spending quality time together, offering support during challenging times, or sharing joys and successes. Love, in the stoic sense, is active and engaged. It's about showing up for people, being there in the moments that matter.

Making time for our loved ones is perhaps the most crucial part. In our busy lives, it's all too easy to let relationships slide, to assume that people will always be there. But the stoic reminder of the impermanence of life urges us to prioritize our relationships, to carve out time for those who matter most, even when it feels like there are a million other things demanding our attention. Cherishing our loved ones is about recognizing the irreplaceable role they play in our lives and honoring that with our time, our attention, and our affection. It's about building and nurturing those bonds, knowing that they are the true source of richness and meaning in our lives.

Remember that the journey of life is one we share with those we hold dear. Cherish every moment, embrace every opportunity to show love, and never underestimate the power of presence. Thank you for joining us today on Stoicism Insights. Your journey towards wisdom and inner peace is one we are honored to be a part of. Please don't forget to watch one of the suggested videos on your screen to continue exploring the profound insights of stoicism. Together, let's cultivate a life of virtue, resilience, and deep connection.

Thank you for being here, for being a part of this journey, and for embracing the wisdom of stoicism in your life. As we close this chapter of our journey together, remember: the wisdom of the Stoics isn't just ancient text; it's a living, breathing guide for navigating the complexities of modern life. By embracing their teachings, you embrace a path of growth, resilience, and profound inner peace. Thank you for joining us today at Stoicism Insights, for taking this step toward a more mindful and meaningful existence. Your presence and engagement here are what make this journey so enriching and worthwhile.

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