How rapid hair loss changed my life

So I've had a lot of comments on the channel over the years being like, "Joey, you should share your hair loss journey," as if I have some epic tale, a dramatic story arc infused with life lessons, a coming-of-age tale. But in reality, it's not something I've really thought about much. Hair loss was always in the cards for me growing up. My dad really didn't have much hair, and my two older brothers shaved their head due to male pattern baldness when I was around 12 years old. When they did that, at the time, I didn't really think much of it. Probably for like five minutes, I said, "Oh, that's kind of weird. You look kind of dumb." But then the novelty wore off, and they were just my brothers—the same brothers that I always knew since birth.

But when it was my turn and I started seeing symptoms, I wasn't so nonchalant about it. Growing up, I always looked older than I actually was. Even right now, that fact rings true. I'm 25 years old, and a lot of people think I'm like 32. So when I was a kid, I really took pride in the fact that I looked older than I am. That way, I could boss other kids around and seem like an adult before I actually was, even though I didn't have two brain cells to rub together back then.

So when I was 16 years old, my barber told me, "Hey, you're starting to lose your hair." I kind of freaked out internally. It's like this Spongebob meme where he's calm on the surface but internally losing his mind. I was like, "You know what? This is kind of a bummer. Now I'm gonna look really old. Like, I'm gonna look 40 when I'm 17." But I didn't really do anything about it. I started to notice that my hair was starting to recede at the temples, but it was slow enough that I didn't feel the need to do anything about it. I was just hoping and praying that my hair might last me somewhat into university.

We should probably just fast forward to photos of me when I'm 18 years old. This is sort of high school graduation territory. You can start to see that I'm receding at the temples fairly significantly for an 18-year-old. I definitely do not have like a squared-off head of hair at 18 years old, and this is the summer before I went into my freshman year of university. So into university, you can see that my hair—it's still there. You know, it's still fairly thick on top, but definitely lots more temple showing.

If I had actually done something about it, I would have had a decently full head of hair to work with and potentially experienced some regrowth to the point where I would almost have a full head of hair right now. You and me would be talking, having this conversation—actually, it's a one-way conversation. I'm just talking at you—but we would be doing this together, and I would have hair on the top of my head. But I didn't; I was in denial. I just said, "You know what? I don't want to worry about it. I don't really care that much." But I think I did care. It did affect me, and we'll get into that a little bit later.

You can already see by the end of my first year there's a lot of temple there, and I don't know what I was doing with my hair at the time, but it was not doing me any favors. I was slicking that right back, kind of curling it back. You could tell this man is losing his hair like a middle-aged man at 18 years old, and I think at the time it affected me subconsciously—whether I was aware of it or not.

So I'd start to wear hats a little bit more often, trying to cover it up, but the hair loss got worse. Here's me at the start of my second year—there's a lot more forehead. I'm starting to keep my hair shorter on top because I noticed it would just draw a little bit less attention to the fact that I was balding. I would keep my hair very short on the sides as well, just trying to do some techniques that didn't look absolutely ridiculous. I didn't want to look like I was trying to hide the fact that I had a receding hairline. I kind of wanted it just to look clean and out of the way, but then it got worse. And obviously, you know, that's what happens with male pattern baldness. It doesn't just get better.

So here's me playing piano at some gig or something with my brother Eli. I was cutting my own hair at that point, buzzing it all the way up to the sides and then leaving it lengthy on top. It kind of is an optical illusion from the side; it makes me look like I'm kind of going for that mohawk look, but it's not a great look. I do look very pointy. My entire head kind of looks like a crescent moon.

I think my third year is when I should have bit the bullet and shaved my head. I even started a YouTube channel in my third year, and it was called "Better Ideas," and I had hair. You guys can tell it doesn't look that great. It was starting to do that weird androgenic alopecia thing where it was starting to get thicker on the sides, like right around the ears, and then kind of getting a little bit puby on top. Sorry, mom! It just wasn't a very good look. It just didn't look fresh. It wasn't the best version of what I could be doing.

And here's the weird thing psychologically as to why I didn't shave my head—it wasn't because I wasn't aware of the fact that I would probably look better if I just bit the bullet and shaved my head—but it was just the fact that I had lived my whole life with hair, and it was almost like I didn't want to say goodbye. I attached a part of my identity to my hair. I almost felt like I wasn't ready to become a new person by shaving my head. I wasn't ready to present to the world that I'm a new person now.

I finally let it go. I'm no longer in denial, and obviously, you don't think these things consciously—it's just sort of a subconscious identity crisis you have. You're kind of at a crossroads. Do I just let go of my hair as a variable in my life, or do I continue to hold on to it for whatever it's worth, despite the fact that it's not serving me anymore? But I pressed on for at least another year.

This is when it really started to just not look so good. I definitely have this sort of bowl-shaped thing going on on my head—two semi-circles—and from the top, it was starting to thin right on the crown. So here's the year before I shaved my head—everyone's looking suave. Here's all my brothers. Here's a bald brother of mine. Here's another bald brother of mine, and then some non-balds. Look at this non-bald right here, non-bald right here, non-bald right here.

Then here's the funny thing about Daniel—he was starting to recede here, but he actually did something about it, and now he has sort of, you know, more hair—like way more hair than he did when he was losing it. That's what happens when you're proactive, so good on Daniel for not denying reality so he can improve upon it. Either way, my hair is really looking rough at this point. It's definitely like an advanced Jude Law look, and I don't have Jude Law's face, so it doesn't work as well for me as it does for him.

So at the end of my fourth year, the summer between fourth and fifth year, I finally bit the bullet and I shaved it off. Alright, let's film this video! So I shaved my head. I think it looks a lot better, to be honest. I was really postponing that my hairline was—like, you can see where my hairline is—and I had like a little bit of hair. Kind of like, did I do this with? And then you turn my head—it'd be all thin up here. Looks like I'm not trying to hide anything anyways.

And I sent some photos to my friends and family being like, "Yo, look, I shaved my head," and they're like, "Looks good, dude!" That's it. You know, I met with some friends that summer, and they'd be like, "Oh, you shaved your head?" Like, "Yeah." They’re like, "Yeah, it looks good, man." That's it, you know?

All that buildup for, you know, 22 years or whatever it was led to the reaction of people being like "Oh, looks good," and then treating me like they've always treated me. You know, it's— it doesn't really—it’s not a thing. Like, it just doesn't matter! And what I've learned over this whole process is that nobody cares. Even when my hair was receding, unless you had somebody else who is really self-conscious about their hair, they would probably compare it with you and be like, "Oh, that guy's receding a little bit more than me."

But all in all, you know, nobody's thinking about your hair more than you are, and when you shave it off, it's not like a big reveal, and it's like the Princess Bride where you have this giant glow-up. There's a glow-up in the Princess Bride? No, Princess Diaries, I think. Yeah, it's not like that! Nobody cares. Nobody cares before you shave it off; nobody cares after you shave it off. Your hair is just dead protein on the top of your head. Do what's best for you, in my opinion. If your hairline is receding to an advanced degree, it probably will look better when you shave it off.

But do I care if you shave your hair off or not? No! So just make the decision based on what's best for you. And funny enough, since shaving my head, I feel like I have actually gotten more confident, especially when meeting strangers. And it's totally a subconscious thing because I don't have to think about the fact that I have an incomplete hairline. I don't have a hairline anymore! I literally can't have a bad hair day!

I can also walk faster because I'm more aerodynamic. I can also tell when it's raining quicker than anyone else. I can jump higher, swim faster. I've basically become a god! But in all seriousness, the moral of the story, I guess I can conclude from my hair loss journey is that no one really thinks about you nearly as much as you think about yourself—not even close. Most people, most of the time, are not thinking about you, and that might be a little bit of a hit to the ego, but it's the truth! Most people are mostly thinking about themselves. So to think that people are sitting down at a Christmas dinner thinking about Joey's hairline is such a joke!

But that's how our brain—we always think that's gonna happen. The same could be said not just about hair loss, but about a mole that you happen to have on your upper lip or a zit that you have on your forehead. One day it's a huge deal to you, maybe, but really you're just kind of like a background character in most people's lives, and they're not really thinking about you at all. So why would you put yourself through the trouble, the mental distress, to let that affect you?

So yeah, that's the story of my hair loss journey. I hope you guys got something out of this or at least just had some fun getting to know me better and, you know, kind of picking apart a little bit of my history. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from this, but if not, maybe you'll learn a thing or two using today's video sponsor, Skillshare!

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And if you liked this video, make sure that you actually hit the like button because when you hit the like button, the algorithm shoves my bald head into other people's homepages, helping them out, which also helps me out. So it's kind of a win-win for everybody involved. This whole Better Ideas community can grow, and that's good—that's a good thing!

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Other than that, thank you so much for watching, and we'll catch you in the next video! [Music]