Why it's so hard to be happy

• A long time ago, humanity rose to become the dominant species on planet Earth. And we were able to do this because of one specific trait. It certainly wasn’t our physical prowess, pretty much any animal the same size as us would absolutely destroy us in a one-on-one physical altercation. And it wasn’t even our ability to use tools, because that’s not unique to humans.

We were able to rise to power because of a specific development in the cerebral cortex. That of abstract thought: the ability to conceptualize, predict, and plan for the future. Unlike any other animal, human beings weren’t just concerned with what they were going to eat today, but also what they were going to eat tomorrow and weeks from now and years from now.

It was this instinct of future preservation that allowed us to ration our food and start to predict changes in seasons. We became the only animal in history that was able to consciously forego present pleasure in order to pave the way for a better future. And while this trait was perhaps the single greatest survival mechanism we ever developed, I’d also argue it’s the very reason why it’s so difficult to be happy.

Because the world is modernized, technology advanced so much faster than we did as humans. We live in this super advanced world, yet we’re still packing around primal hardware. It’s in our very nature to be constantly fantasizing about an ideal future. We’ll work jobs that we don’t like, grind away today, so that we will eventually achieve prosperity tomorrow.

Maybe if you're a student, you're grinding through school today so you can eventually get the degree, get a well-paying job, maybe find the love of your life. Human beings are really good at postulating what might be in the future and using the present to prepare for that moment. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It’s an extremely useful thing. It’s a very motivating thing.

We need to have some sort of goal and direction in our life, otherwise we’re completely goalless and directionless. I mean, sometimes it’s kind of weird being human because not only do we exist in the present moment and have to do our day-to-day things or duties and responsibilities, but we also psychologically exist at the exact same time in this abstract future, in this abstract potential, that we ourselves generated.

And a lot of the time, it’s this abstraction that motivates us to get through our present, especially if our present is something that we don’t generally like interacting with. But the problem we run into is the fact that there is another sensation that is universal to human beings worldwide, and that is the fact that we only experience life in the present moment.

We prepare for a future that we will actually never get to experience. And if we place too many cards in the future basket, at the dramatic expense of the present moment, then our entire lives can end up looking like a squirrel, obsessively hoarding acorns in preparation for a winter that never comes.

Which seems, in a way, like we’re constantly postponing our own happiness. And that can be extremely exhausting, especially if you’ve been doing that for years and years and perhaps even decades. It’s almost like every single person who has ever lived and who will ever live, if left unchecked, will hamster wheel themselves right into their graves.

So what's the solution to this problem? I’d be really demoralizing me coming here and saying, you will never achieve your dreams. Your dreams are just an abstraction. You will never get what you want. But that’s not true. There is a way to be optimistic about the future and still have ambition, yet still be able to take some of that future happiness into the present moment.

And I propose that the way that that’s possible is through gratefulness. Now, maybe you’ve heard this a thousand times. Maybe you’ve heard that gratefulness is a really good idea and I should just be grateful for what I have, but how can I do that if my surroundings are honestly kind of shitty?

And I understand this feeling completely. It’s not easy to be grateful at all, especially if you’re an ambitious person. In fact, I would say the more ambitious you are, the harder it is to be grateful. Because being grateful is actually risky. You risk neutering yourself of the drive to push forward, to trend your life in an upward direction.

If you spend your life dreaming of cookies, then gratefulness can often feel like you’re forcing yourself to no longer want the cookie, but you want to want the cookie because that increases your chances of getting the cookie. But I think that’s the wrong way to look at gratefulness. Gratefulness doesn’t stop you from getting cookies; it just helps you realize that the cookies aren’t all in front of you, they’re kind of all around you.

And you’re more than welcome to take one out and eat one. So about a year and a half ago, my mom started to develop a pretty severe case of insomnia. She’s always been a very naturally anxious person that kind of runs in the family. But we started to go through some hard times in the family, and this anxiety really turned into a really, really bad case of insomnia.

It wasn’t just going on for days, but it was weeks and weeks and weeks of just barely any sleep at all. Anyone who’s had a severe case of insomnia will know that you start to become terrified of the nighttime, because you know that you’ll just be sitting there with your own terrifying thoughts, not being able to go to sleep.

So this was going on for weeks, and I was starting to become extremely concerned for her mental health. One day she messaged me and said, “I finally been able to get some good night’s rest.” And I was so relieved. And it turns out she didn’t use any heavy pharmaceuticals or there were no magic pills involved.

All she did was every single night before she put her head on the pillow, she listed three things: one, something that made her smile that day; two, something that she’s grateful for; and three, something that she did well. She started doing this every single night. And it’s crazy to think that just simply reflecting on the good things in her life, that her frantically busy and noisy brain was able to calm down.

And she was finally able to get the rest that she so desperately needed. And she didn’t just start doing this randomly. This is all based on a study that she read. I’ll put the link in the description. You guys can check it out. I guess what I’m trying to say is that gratitude gets you out of your head.

You stop existing in the what ifs. And if this happens then that, or maybe this bad thing happened in the past, and maybe I can get this done in the future. You start to really look to the present and the good things that are already in here. And I’d argue that by practicing habitual fullness, it doesn’t stop you from getting the things that you want.

You still want the things that you want; that primal instinct is not going away. But what it does do is it gives you permission to pull some of that future happiness into the present moment. Because if you’re never happy with what you have, you will never be happy with what you get.

Every single night before you put your head on your pillow, write three good things: something that made you smile, something that you’re grateful for, and something that you did well. And this might be difficult to see at first, and the harder it is to see at first, the worse you are at it. But I promise you, you’ll get better.

And as you get better and better at identifying the good things in your life, you’ll come to realize just how many of them there are. Videos like these are made possible, thanks to amazing sponsors like Skillshare. As you guys all know, one of my goals in life is to become a better cinematographer and filmmaker.

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