15 Things to STOP EXPECTING from Other People
Your life picks up once you realize you're in the driver's seat, not the passenger seat. Everyone else might hop on and off the you bus, but they're not the ones holding the steering wheel. This doesn't mean you should become a lone wolf, no, but there's a smart way to go about your life in relation to other people, where you get the best possible outcome for yourself. This video surgically picks apart exactly how to do that. Here are 15 things to stop expecting from other people.
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Number one: Stop expecting other people to come into your life and make it great. Don't expect others to do the hard work for you. Don't expect others to one day show up and make it feel like your life is finally starting. Some of you are still waiting for your life to start, for something to happen, and for life to unlock. Nobody's coming to save you; they're all too busy trying to grasp for air themselves.
What screws up your life the most is this image you keep in your mind about what life is supposed to look like for you. That particular reality doesn't happen on its own; you build it up, and one day you wake up and realize all of those bricks have stacked up to your own fairy tale castle. Until then, see the world for what it is, not for what you want it to be.
Number two: Stop expecting others to rise to the potential you see in them. What we're about to tell you will change the way you look at life from this moment forward. The potential you see in other people isn't real; it's a reflection of what you would do if you were in their shoes. They don't have that potential, and you should be okay with who they are right now. If this hits you like a brick wall, subscribe to our channel, 'cause we're dropping nuggets like this in every video.
Some people don't have the same drive as you do, the same dreams, the same data set to base their decisions on. You are you, and they are them. It's okay to provide your support when they ask for it, but if you try to push it down their throat, it'll only distance them from you. What you're actually saying is they're not good enough for you the way they are, and some will take that personally.
Number three: Stop expecting others to read your mind or act the way you would act. Parents, partners, employees—unless you show them exactly what your expectations are, unless you've got a mutual understanding of it and you repeat it to underline its importance, don't expect others to know what you want from them. The easiest thing in the world is to fault them for not rising to a standard that you never communicated or trained them to attain. If it happens, it's actually your fault, not theirs.
Assumptions are the termites of relationships; they eat away at the structure of what a relationship is built on. So stop assuming. Start asking. Start showing, and we'll all be much better because of it.
Number four: Stop expecting others to be your source of happiness. This entire video is technically about regaining back control over your damn life. Stop giving other people control over your life—what you do, what you feel, where you are, who you're with, and what you wear. Happiness is by far one of the biggest parts of a life well-lived. Not to get too loud on you, but if you depend on other people for your happiness, you will always be miserable.
The same way if you measure wealth by money alone, you'll always be poor. Allow life to pour through you, the good and the bad. Get yourself to a point where you're okay as a default setting, so when happiness hits, life feels even more amazing than it already did.
Number five: Stop expecting others to understand that you're changing, and that said, you should stop expecting them to stay the same as well. Growth is the whole premise of life. We bloom like flowers; that's the purpose of a seed, and we're all seeds. When you plant yourself, when you water yourself and get enough sunshine, you'll change.
The only people who'll hate on your progress will be those who are secretly wishing they would do the same. We become different versions of who we used to be. Take it from me, people will look at you strange, say you've changed, like you worked so hard to stay the same. Change is good if you're better because of it.
Our academic major was on the management of change, and we leveraged that expertise to build a unique tool that helps people do just that. Evolve. In the Alux app, we mix large-scale academic studies with real-life expertise to guide you to the most valuable 15 minutes of your day. Step one: go to alux.com/slapp and install it on your phone. Step two: finish the survey; we'll figure out where you are in life and the immediate low-hanging fruit to maximize the impact of our app. Step three: you open up the app in the morning while you drink your coffee or tea, and you go through one session. That's it!
We help to program your brain for growth. Hundreds of thousands of Aluxers, just like you, have found this life-changing. Every three months, we measure your progress and adjust course as needed. Now, a decent executive coach or a life coach will cost about $5,000 a month, and you'd get one or two sessions. We pay the best of the best their outrageous fees on your behalf and give you the same insights and knowledge for a fraction of the cost. When you look back on it, it'll prove to be one of the best investments in yourself you have ever made. Go to alux.com/slapp right now.
Number six: You can't expect them to have answers to your problems or to realize just how important they are to you. Others won't care about your problems the same way you do. This is because of three reasons: one, they've got their own problems to deal with that require urgency; two, they lack a big picture understanding of all the details that gravitate around the problem; they don't know what you know; and three, it is you who has to solve this problem, not them.
It's a part of your journey, your bridge to cross. What for you is a level 10 threat, from their perspective, might be a level five. Because we're biased when it comes to ourselves, everything seems more important when it's happening to us than to other people. Some people will volunteer to help, but as long as they are your only lifeline, you're in big trouble.
Many of you watching this can instantly recall a situation where you really needed someone to show up for you, but they didn't. Never put yourself in a situation like that ever again.
Number seven: Stop expecting everyone to like you. Even better, stop trying to get everyone to like you. It's okay for people not to like you. Stop allowing it to eat away at your soul. Move on, be happy. The price of trying to make everyone happy or to like you is that you'll make yourself miserable.
You'll twist and you'll turn; you'll try to present yourself as someone you're not, and just the act of being will begin to feel like work when it shouldn't. It's much easier to find your crowd than to mold yourself into a shape that's not natural to you. Not to mention that you'll be much happier when you let go of this meaningless pursuit.
Number eight: Don't expect others to show up for you the way that you do for them. Thanos had it wrong; the world is not balanced. You've got your values, they've got theirs. You've got your timeline; they've got theirs. They don't have your heart, your soul, your vision. Sometimes it might not be of malicious intent on their part.
Even if it was personal and important to you, everyone is a unique mix of past experiences, so your expectations of how other people should behave is yet again one of those races where you simply can't win. All you can do is set an undeniable standard: you always show up; you do your absolute best because it makes you feel like you're doing the right thing. You do it for yourself, not for anyone else, because this is who you are.
Now we're about to hit some of you right in the feelings with this one.
Number nine: Don't expect others to stay when their time to go has come. You know when we talked about change and growing? Some people will wake up to the realization that they can no longer grow alongside you, and you have to let them go. This is all about the people in your life.
It might be the lover to whom this doesn't feel right anymore. Maybe it's the child that's ready to move out. It might be the parent leaving you to go to the field of reeds. If their time has come, it might pain you to your core, but they really have their own journey. Even if you wish they could stay, let them go with grace. As cheesy as it might sound—and it doesn't get any cheesier than this—be glad that it happened.
Number ten: Don't expect others to make you rich when you're not willing to work. You want to hear something brutal? Statistically, you will not earn more than 50% of what you earn in the future; your lifestyle costs will increase by the same amount in the same period of time. This is kind of it for you. Unless something radical changes in your life, you'll probably maintain this earning trajectory for the next 10 to 20 years. If you're not getting rich right now, you'll probably not get rich in the future.
And if this sentiment makes your blood boil, it's time to do something about it. The main reason why people don't earn more is because of two reasons: one, they lack a foundation for building wealth; basically, you've got no idea what you should be doing; or two, they don't know where to start; basically, you lack the first step, so they feel too small for you to take.
Y'all out here wanting to get rich in the next six months while everyone rich has been busy working at it for the past few decades. Those of you who think a decade is too long will always stay poor because money requires time to compound, to breed, to grow.
This decade will pass, and most of y'all will be right here where you are now, the same way not much has changed in the past five to ten years. So let us help you with those two blockers: where to start and how to get it right.
We'll help you build the kind of discipline that will get you rich. We're not talking about more morning routines and ice baths; people got rich long before those were trending. We'll help you to understand money and then guide you to position yourself right in the flow of it. Go to alux.com/slapp, download it, and give Foundation Week a try. It doesn't cost anything to get yourself a free trial. Even if you don't stick around after the trial, you'll still benefit from it, so do it right now: alux.com/slapp.
Number eleven: Don't expect others to make you their priority, even if you made them yours. People are selfish by design; it's a survival mechanism. They'll use you, they'll lie, they'll take advantage, they'll be there for you when it's advantageous for them. You'll experience this from some of your friends and even your family if they're toxic.
Ironically, this is why marriage actually plays a crucial role. It's deeper than the legal part; you go from being "me and you" to being "we," and "we" becomes the priority. As long as the parties have their luggage by the door, no one can afford to go all in.
Number twelve: Don't expect others to have their act together. They'll break apart, they'll let you down; they won't put in the work that they were supposed to. Life is one of those group project type of deals where not everybody carries their weight evenly.
This generation likes to think of themselves as broken, which is why "trauma" is such a common word thrown around. Although trauma is absolutely real, we're beginning to feel like the word is losing its meaning as people grow softer by the day. The growth we mentioned earlier is nonlinear; you and them might just be at different growth stages. Try to be kind every time you can.
Number thirteen: Stop demanding forgiveness, even if you've changed your ways. If you hurt someone, you have to stop expecting forgiveness and for everyone to move on as if nothing happened. Actions have consequences, same with words. Once the words have left your mouth, they're no longer yours to retract; the damage is done.
Forgiveness isn't something you expect or demand, even if you feel like you've earned it. You're at fault; move on, and they'll come to you when they're ready.
Number fourteen: Stop expecting others to be on the same journey you're on in life. You've met people with whom you've shared a portion of the journey. At those stages, you thought you would go the entire way together, but as time moves on, as you grow, learn, and progress, you find yourselves slowly drifting apart.
Make an effort to keep the people you value and let the others go, but you can't expect everyone to move at the same pace you do. You can't expect them to work as hard as you do. You can't expect them to see the vision that you see.
And lastly, number fifteen: Stop expecting others to give as much as you give, especially if the outcome impacts you disproportionately. We've already established that people have different perceptions of scale. We like to think astronomically big, but sometimes the people around us simply can't comprehend the vision.
And because they can't tap into it, they're not as driven as we are. We tried everything—tied them to the outcome, gave them shares—but something's not connecting. No matter how much you try to show them, their eyes cannot see that far into the future.
Nobody will give as much of a damn as you give on something that's deeply important to you. Some people are just meant to stay the same, to stay where they are. They'll coast through life without the big rewards, without the big sacrifices, and that's okay. Just don't make them a part of your journey because they'll hold you back from greatness.
You're watching this because you've been through something similar, and we want to know: what did you stop expecting from other people? Let us know what we should add to this list in the comments.
And since by this point, it's tradition, here's your bonus: negative visualization. This is our way of instantly grounding ourselves in reality and being grateful for what we have.
Pretend the worst outcome happens. Think of everyone you hold dear and imagine them suffering a terrible disease. Imagine them being taken away from you. Imagine them in pain. Do this exercise right now and see how your soul squirms inside of your body.
Now get yourself back to the present and realize just how calm everything is right now, how fortunate you are for this to be your current present. Go give them a big hug and tell them how much they mean to you, if you can.
If despite everything that's happened in your life you're still holding on to a positive outlook, leave a plus sign in the comments. The casual viewer won't know why you're doing it; it'll be our little inside secret. Let's see how many of you are seeing that positive growth.