yego.me
💡 Stop wasting time. Read Youtube instead of watch. Download Chrome Extension

A Crime Against Childhood


2m read
·Nov 7, 2024

There is no greater human joy than waking up to a winter wonderland that, with its frosty magic, also cancelled school. Well, no more. Because schools are cancelling snow days. Some school systems have decided, "This way when there's too much snow to physically drag students in, we can still mentally drag them in."

[Grey] Wha..? Who di...? How...? What kind of villains are you?

[Grey] Gah! We don't all agree. This is horrifying! Internet, where are you? Where's hashtag SaveSnowDays to protect us?

[Boring Bureaucrat] Shhhh, we don't need that.

[Grey] No! You cannot take away the human experience of being on a dark winter's night, unable to face the next day. Then, when thin clouds appear on the horizon giving you faint hope, you beg with all of your belief to make it happen. And when it does happen, it is the most epic experience of low to high, combining the triple joys of snow, freedom, and getting out of something that you totally shouldn't have. There are only so many days of such great glory in a human life.

But, say some school boards, and I fear this snow day cancellation pestilence will spread because the school system, with its bureaucracies and committees, loves its checkboxes checked, its percentages maxed, and its attendance punch cards punched. Snow days mess all that up.

So the system, wielding the ultimate banality of evil, cancels snow days. Look, I'm just going to say it. Yes, I am going to play the "won't somebody please think of the children" card.

[Under his breath] Teenagers, I know you hate this, but it's in your best interest to roll with it.

But seriously, protecting snow days is what this card was made to play. Those who want to cancel snow days should be forced to look into the wide, excited eyes of a little girl, waking up to experience her very first snow day and tell her,

[Boring Bureaucrat] No! You can't play outside.

[Wide-eyed little Girl] Why?

[Boring Bureaucrat] Because it's super important that today, right now, you learn about what a newspaper frontage, in England, three hundred years ago, thought was important and you also must know the French conjugation of the verb "to have fun."

[Boring Bureaucrat] This... this is what matters.

[Grey] If you can do that while thinking you are doing good, you are a heartless monster extinguishing the light of a child. A child who, while on their kiddie conference call with their ikkle headset, listening to a teacher tell them, will resolve the cognitive dissonance by deciding, and with a sigh say,

No! This shall not pass. Don't cancel snow days. Cancel kill joy committees. Hashtag SaveSnowDays.

More Articles

View All
Apoptosis | Cell division | Biology | Khan Academy
Hello Emily, hello David. So we’re here today to talk about apoptosis. Uh, I was going to ask you some questions about it; you were going to explain what it even is to me. Absolutely. Okay, talk apoptosis. So, this word apoptosis—I did a little bit of …
How can a text have two or more main ideas? | Reading | Khan Academy
Hello readers. Today, I want to begin with a brief aside about physics. Unless you’re like a quantum particle or something, it’s not possible to be in two places at once. Nor is it possible to travel in two directions at once. Right? If I’m on a train fro…
Homeroom Office Hours With Sal: Tuesday, March 17. Livestream From Homeroom
Okay, I think, uh, third time did the trick. Sorry for all the stops and starts. As I mentioned, uh, this is all very, um, impromptu and very improvisational. But yes, now even this dashboard that I’m using says that I’m online on at least Facebook and Yo…
NERD WARS: Captain America vs. xXx (Vin Diesel)
Hootie-hoo! Yeah, we’ve been listening to your suggestions for people to beat the crap out of Vin Diesel or Marvel characters that want to get their ass kicked by Vin Diesel. Either way, we listen to your suggestion and here’s what we come up with: an epi…
Making Custard | Live Free or Die: How to Homestead
[Music] Custard utilizes ingredients that we tend to have a lot of, so I want to teach you how to make custard. All you need is milk, eggs, and honey, and then you can add some flour or corn starch and some vanilla. Okay, all right, let’s just use up all …
The Key to Living a Longer Life | Breakthrough
NIR Barzilai has been studying a group of exceptionally healthy hundred year olds, or centenarians. “Hi Milton, so nice meeting you!” He believes they’re a model for how we can all age. “Come on in fellas!” One of the interesting things with those cen…