IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY ANYMORE

Hello everybody! Yeah, you read the title right. It's not my freaking birthday anymore! If you didn't know already, yesterday was my birthday. We did a cool live stream yesterday. It was a lot of fun, the live stream yesterday, but it's not my birthday anymore. Now it's just a normal freaking day. But I guess I can hang out with you guys, read some chats.

The first person to chat gets put in timeout like always, so let's see who it's going to be! Hello, are you guys asleep today? Just wait for it; it'll happen. Okay, right here, the first person to type was Guitar. He said, "P." Okay, I'm not reading that. Alright, yeah, okay, he's getting timed out for uh, let's do 10 seconds today. Get timed out! Thank you for being the first person.

What's up everybody? So yes, in yesterday's stream, somebody I remember, somebody donated 50 memberships. So type in the chat, even if you don't think you're a member. Type in the chat! I want to see who's a member 'cause 50 random people became a member. So type in the chat; we're gonna shout out all our members! Nico de Jesus, shout out to you, dog! Uh, who else? Who else is a member?

It's May! Hi, thank you! Eating cookies with milk. Eating cookies with milk? Okay, you really thought it was very important to tell me that. Okay, um let's see, let's see. Uh, who else? Cinnamon is a member. Okay, who else is a member? Damn, none of you guys are members, bro! Become a member! Okay, yep, I'm a member. Yep, Roblox fan is a member; that's fire! That's fire! Oh yeah, if y'all want to become a member, let me just get y'all right real quick. Let me just pin that. Uh, there we go, boom! If you want to become a member, click the dingly dingly on the thing, mingy; you know, dy doo, whatever.

Yeah, okay! What up everybody? What's up? So, guess what? Yesterday for my birthday, I think yesterday was one of my best days ever! Not even because it was my birthday, but because I had a lot of fun yesterday. I went out to eat, I had fun with friends, I went to work out, I got an acai bowl. As you guys know, that's my favorite thing ever in the world! I did a live stream, talked with you guys, uploaded a video about Mr. Beast drama that got demonetized, so I'm not making any money from that video, which is fine.

Um, but it sucks. Yesterday was a good day, that's what I realized about me. Uh, you know, recently I've been having good days every single day. Every single day has been a great day! Somebody said I'm a member, but it just doesn't show. No, you're not! You're not slick, you're not a member! Can I check? No, I can't even check!

This person said, "I'm a furry." Okay, yep, that is a timeout! Timeout for uh, 1 minute! Yeah, go sit in the corner, you little dummy! That's what you get for being a furry! Wait, what? Message deleted? It deleted the message? That's fire! Somebody said, "Make a Discord server." I'm not making a Discord server!

Having a good day every day is a bad sign? How? Explain that to me, Alexis P! Explain how having a good day every day is a bad sign! H... I'm getting acne again! Y'all see? I got two big pimples. Oh wait, three! One, two, three! It's like a line of pimples, bro! Boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink! Dude, you would think by the time I'm 83 years old I'd freaking get rid of my acne! Normally, that happens to people who are like 13 years old to like maybe 23 years old. They keep getting acne, bro!

Come on, dog! I'm going to subscribe to you tomorrow, bro. You're funny, bro—just subscribe right now! What's, what the hell's wrong with you, Tyler Jackson? Tyler Jackson's tripping. Uh, can I make a non-scary video? What you talking about?

Only 363 more days until DJ is 84 years old! Only 363 more days until DJ is 84 years old! Yeah, right! Happy birthday! How old are you? What? It's not my birthday! It was yesterday! Do you know how to read the title? I'm pretty sure the title says it's not my birthday anymore.

Come on, dude! Play Dude Theft Wars! I'm not playing Dude Theft Wars; that game's so bad! I just made a short about you! Yeah, I might. Um, who's texting me? Oh, thanks, dog! I might—somebody said your acne looks hot. What?

I might react to your guys' videos today in this stream! I don't know; yesterday we did it! We reacted to a bunch of your birthday videos! So I had a bunch of people send me birthday videos and it was bad! There were kids saying happy birthday to you; it was really bad! So I don't know if I should react to your videos today. I kind of want to just—I want— I want to read with you guys. I want to read your guys' chats!

I don't know why I like reading your guys' chats, especially like this. DJ loves furry Damian Buddhis Sakowski! Guess what? Get sent to the corner, buddy! For 10 seconds, go sit in the corner and think about your decisions! You're really cute, DJ. What the hell?

Play Talking Tom PP Ball! PP Ball? Did this kid just say PP Ball? What? You donated money to me to say PP Ball sack? See, I think we're doomed, okay? I think the nine-year-olds in the world, ten-year-olds, eleven-year-olds, twelve-year-olds—I think we're doomed, you know? We're screwed if these are the people that are going to be the future doctors and future lawyers. PP Ball sack? Really?

I'm a furry! DJ loves Hello Kitty. What? DJ loves Hello Kitty? Your channel name is Hello Kitty! You made your whole channel around Hello Kitty? Hello? I'm going to kill you! Dude, Jesus Christ! Three Hello Kitty videos! I don't know; I have no idea what's wrong with people. DJ loves kids? Excuse me, noodle hair! Oh, thank you, bro!

Really paid $1.99 to say that! Exactly! Dude paid $2, bro! Dude wasted two bucks; he could have got a pack of gum and he said PP Ballack? What? I'm 28 years old! DJ, you're the oldest!

DJ loves Turbo fan! DJ loves money—that's facts! DJ loves money! I love knee surgery! What, DJ? What are people doing nowadays? I don't know! Axel's one of my OG moderators. I only have like, two moderators on my whole stream just because I don't really know how the hell that works. As you guys know, I'm a noob when it comes to live streaming! I just kind of sit here; I don't know what the hell is going on!

So I've had him be a moderator for a long ass time! I never got a shout out! Uh-oh, sorry! Land of 10,000 Lakes is a member. He said hi! Hi! He got the yellow cat! How do you get the yellow cat? Hold on, let's see!

I don't know my levels; is that a bad thing? Yeah, so look, he has the yellow one! So this is one month of being a member, two months of being a member, three months, four months, five months, six months—and a year and two years! So dude, this kid had the yellow one, which means he's been a member for four months! If anybody gets to like the star—oh, I didn't mean to say that—if anyone gets the star stuff, I will like pay you a billion dollars!

Uh, 110 group chat? I don't know what the hell he's talking about! Can I have a moderator please? I'll ban spammers, and I'll make sure everyone's happy here! I don't know if I trust you; your name is It2Comber. Who the hell names their kid It2Comper? What's up, DJ loves poop? Thank you!

What the—? It was fun! DJ loves hot moms. Why is everybody making me new names? What the—? Why is everybody saying DJ loves—okay, DJ loves balls! Okay. Uh, DJ is too good! Hi there, DJ!

Everyone needs to, he crashed. What? Apple? What? Make a video about the Anzala family! What the hell is Anzala family? Let's look at them. Anelama family? Thank you for the Super Chat, Alis Fam! Anelama family, Anzala family! What is this? Somebody told me to check them out!

Uh, screen time is family time? Again, they have 8 million subscribers! What is this? We came home to this! Somebody broke into our neighborhood! What? Um, I got a call from Mila's teacher at her new school! You got a call from your teacher? Why the hell would you make a video about that? When I was a kid and I went to school, my parents got like thousands of calls from my teacher!

They called and said like, "Oh, he didn't come in today, what's up?" And then my parents would be like, "Oh, like he's sick." Getting a call from your teacher is nothing special! Why are you making a video about it? Uh, we found the mystery animal in our backyard! What the fudge is that, bro? That is a damn—

That is not no animal, bro! That's one thing that flies around in SpongeBob! Like a, what's it called? I don't know what those things are called! It's like when there's nothing around! Check out my channel! I'm not a weirdo! Donated 79 cents through Super Chat! Why would you make your channel name that? Just tell me!

21 Kojo from Stephen King's hit book? What? Okay, yeah, this channel—something's living in our attic! Oh God! Yeah, okay, um, yeah, I don't know why somebody told me to look at the Anala family, but that's horrible! There's a YouTuber who's scamming kids! Who? How are you going to tell me there's a YouTuber but not tell me the YouTuber?

Uh, he's not a furry! You have a little pee, DJ loves his fans! DJ, okay, I'm not reading that! Cringy family—womp womp! Exactly, cringy, bro! Why is it that every family is cringy on YouTube? I've never, I don't think I've ever seen like a normal-ish family! Do you guys know any normal families on YouTube?

Can I say hi, Hawkward? What up, hi Hawkward! There you go; you can clip that or whatever you wanted to do! JStation's girlfriend has a [Music] channel! DJ, Cook Fortnite's going to bring back the OG mode! Are you going to play it? Yeah!

Take a look at this! Oh God, don't look at any of this! Oh God! Okay, look at this! So, ignore all this stuff, but I got Fortnite downloaded! So, I'm going to check it out! I don't know if I'll make a gaming video on it, but I have Fortnite downloaded! DJ loves Turbo!

Who is Turbo? Search up how old is DJ loves Turbo on Google! What? DJ loves Turbo? What's your favorite food? Search up how old is DJ loves Turbo on Google! Why do I have to search up how old is DJ loves Turbo? I'm literally DJ loves Turbo! Why would I look up myself on Google?

21! Hello, DJ! I know a furry who likes you, date him! Alright, can we get this guy banned? Holy [ __ ]! He said he knows a furry who likes me and I should date him! Alright, get put in timeout for a minute! Yeah, I don't really give out one minute timeouts, but go sit in the corner! Funny Kitten Meow Gaming, go sit in the corner!

Happy not birthday, DJ loves dog poop cookies? What? This dude just said happy not birthday? What? Bro, look, our mean—what? What the duck? DJ, play Clash Royale! My sister loves you; tell her to hit me up! Uh, I meant banned him! What?

How are you today? I'm good! DJ loves school. No, actually, hold on, hold on! When I was in high school, I didn't like it in the moment just because I didn't like waking up early. And you know, waking up at like 7 o'clock to go to school—like, that's crazy!

21! Search up touch football, DJ! But now that I've been out of high school for a little bit, that sh*t was fun! Looking back, I think when you look back at everything, it always seems fun. But I think looking back, it's cool that I was around everybody! It's cool to be around everybody your age!

It's so cool; you can make so many different friends in school, you know what I mean? So enjoy school if all! Dude, 10 seconds and one minute is quick! Does anybody have a clue what he's talking about? What the hell are you talking about?

If you, if you are like—if you don't know what you're talking about, stop talking! Play Poy! Play, it's a fun game! And a scary one! Play Poppy Playtime; it's a fun and scary game! Okay, you want to see something? This dude just gave me 20 bucks and recommended that I should play this!

Stop spamming emojis in Super Chat! This dude gave me 20 bucks and said, play Poppy Playtime! Let me show you something, dog! I have a gaming channel! DJ hates games! Remember when that one kid faked his death on—yeah, I do remember!

So DJ hates games channel, right? I played Poppy Playtime. I played the first one six months ago! Then I played Chapter 2! Then I played—I guess I didn't play Chapter 3, but yeah! I have a 21-minute video and a 26-minute video of me getting scared as hell! If you don't know, I have a gaming channel; go watch it! It's fire!

We played the craziest games; Kick the Buddy! I was just killing him! Playing the worst cringiest games ever! I played Spunky! 500 thousand VI of my money—use it wisely! Y'all got to check out the gaming channel! Come on, we got to get to a million subs on there!

Somebody said, "What?" I'm giving you the last of my money! Thank you! Please play A Dump in the Dark! GRE! Play A Dump in the Dark! What? A Dump in the Dark? Is that a game where you take a poop? Do you poop? What?

Hello Sigma! Hello Sigma! Hello there! Somebody said play Stick War Legacy! Once again, dog, hold on! Bro, the gaming channel, y'all keep telling me to play these games! Take a look! Got rabies in a Stephen King book? What is he talking about?

Look at this, you ready? Hold on, I played Stick War Legacy two months ago! I—oh my God, I almost died! I played Stick War Legacy, again! Look right here! Boom! Boom! Two videos of me playing the game! What's your favorite movie?

You guys keep telling me to play a game I already played on the gaming channel—go check out the gaming channel! Alright, what's my favorite movie? Good question! Here's a very weird thing about me: I have always been a movie hater! Not because I think movies are dumb, but because I hate sitting for like two hours and just not moving! I feel unproductive; I'm a tweaker!

I have ADHD; I think. I’m not saying I have it. I might even have autism! I'm that weird. Do you watch J? I don't know what the hell that is! Uh, but I don't like sitting down and watching a movie! And I especially don't like going to the theater!

I hate going out of my way to go to the movie theater—watching, sitting there! But play Stick War Legacy! Oh huh, that’s a good ass idea! Why didn’t I think of that? Come on, dude! So what’s your favorite underwear color? Alright, that’s crazy! But yeah, I've never been a fan of movies until like maybe two months ago!

I was like, you know what? Everybody loves movies; let me try some movies! So I started watching some movies! I really like the movie Get Out. If you've seen that, it's about this black guy; he's dating a white girl! And then the white girl's like, "Oh, come to my family's place for Christmas or something!"

Come visit! So the black guy goes with the white girl to meet the whole white family! Turns out the white family's crazy and like they’re against black people? Stuff like that weird—it’s a good movie! Also, I think Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! I watched that; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, very good movie!

I never liked romance movies or sad movies just because like, why would I want to watch a movie that's going to make me sad? Like, I want to be happy! I’m a very happy person! So I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, very good; I liked that movie!

Uh, The Truman Show? I love that movie too! Uh, I watched Pulp Fiction. You know what? Pulp Fiction is kind of trash! I watched it; it’s okay, 21! Everybody says it’s so good! Resident Evil? Okay, finally, someone recommended me to play a game that I haven’t played on my gaming channel! About time! Resident Evil 7! I have no idea what that is!

You know, I’ll add that to the list right now! Actually, I have this list! What’s your favorite KSI song? Resident Evil 7 from a stupid little kid who took his mom's credit card! Thank you! Uh, somebody said 21! What did he say? What's your favorite KSI song?

I don't listen to KSI, bro! I've not heard any of his songs! Everybody asks me, "Listen to Thick of It!" I'm not listening to Thick of It! I don't even know what that is! And I was going to listen to it, but I heard that you could get a copyright strike if you—or a copyright claim if you listened to his thing on a video or on a live stream! And I'm trying to make my money here!

Okay, I know people always say like, "Oh, YouTubers just do it for the money." Yeah, most of them do! You know this is a job! I'm drawing! If you guys can't tell, I'm drawing! I'm scribbling! That's what I did; I just drew a red mark! Nobody cares!

Oh my God, I just showed you guys my list! Okay, it's—it's a crazy list! Nobody can see it! Alright, let me check something! Let me check what you guys are chatting about! I haven't looked at the chat in a minute! Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on! Uh, I got to load up the chat! Bear with me! Y'all know I'm kind of stupid and stuff!

Okay, how do I get the chat on? I think of my bobber! Oh, here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Stream comments! Boom! Bam! Bam! Bam! We're back! What's up? Okay, who's your favorite singer?

Somebody said Hawk Tua! Okay, who's my favorite singer? Uh, I wouldn’t really call him a singer, but I really like Honcho! That's my favorite artist; he makes rap music! He's probably my favorite artist right now of all time, actually—not just right now! Well, for now! I don't know why I like him so much!

Play Jin Ry! Now, what is Jin Ry? We're going to search up Jin Ry just because! Okay, look, we're about to be cool just because Jin Ry sounds so cool! We're going to look that up! Alright, we got the pen in our hair; we look kind of fresh! Alright, Jin Ry! Hopefully, this isn't like very disgusting; sometimes people—Jin Ry! Play it online!

Okay, should we just play this? What the hell is this? Okay, we're going to— we're going to zoom this in real quick! Hold on! Let me, let me slug y'all up real quick! Let me give y'all a good view! A good view of this! Ah! Yo, we're doing crazy, crazy work! Look at this! We're doing crazy edits right now! Hold on, look at this! Oh my God!

Look at that! I just did a cool stream! Okay, so basically, Jin Ry is a member of the Ry games! Uh, the basic rules below; I'll explain the rules! Okay, holy cow, look at all these rules! Okay, no! Do you see how long this—all right, I'm just going to play without even knowing!

Alright, click deal to start the game! Alright, so I have a five, a 10, a nine, a five, a nine, a four, a nine, a j, a k, an eight! Okay, so eight! So I can draw or pass! So I’ll take it! Now I have to give one away! So I’ll give him a five just because I don't like the five!

Now he took a nine, so I'm going to uh, I'll draw one because I don't really, actually I want the nine! Give me the nine! Okay, we're going to give him the four, eight! Okay, I'll take the eight and I'll give him the three! I don't know what the hell I'm doing! I’ll take the six and I’ll give him the five! Uh, he’ll give me the queen!

Um, okay, I don’t want the queen, so I'm going to draw this! Give him a three! Okay, uh, I'm just going to click buttons! Can I win? Okay, who the hell told me to play this? This is the dumbest thing I think I've ever done in my whole lifetime, actually!

Okay, how do I get this thing back to how it was? There we go! That was F! Oh God, my pencil! That was fresh! Uh, okay, here we go! I think I fixed it! Did I fix it? That's F—freaking fresh! It shall be perfect! Okay! P! Did P Diddy in your closet? Why did somebody tell me to play that?

DJ, it said you have me free membership! Hi, did you? What did you just say? DJ, it said you have me a free membership ID! You? I didn't give anybody a free membership here! How about this? 21! Expose Lena Bloss in your next vid! This is what we're about to do! We're about to give a bunch of people memberships!

So I'm going to give five memberships out! Hold on! Oh God, my credit card's showing up! Okay, so how this works is I spend $25 of my money! Here we go, boom! I gifted five memberships! So how this works is I give $25 of my own money and then YouTube randomly picks five people in the stream to become members!

So I guess we can see who becomes a member! Dylan is a member! Dez Nuts! Appreciate you even though you didn't even do anything! I just paid for you! But hey, YouTube picked you 'cause they know you're a loyal viewer! I demand Jin Ry! This kid wants me to play Jin Ry again? No, no, that was the dumbest game I've ever played!

This dude was just taking cards! Alright, are they going to pick who else they’re going to pick? Dylan was first, okay? Frog is a member! Cool! Thank you for picking him, YouTube! With my $25, Fortnite Bros is a member! Okay, wow, that was actually $25! That's kind of a lot of money!

$25 to give five people members for free? Hey, I hope you guys enjoy it! Fake KDB is a member! Hey, if you just got a membership, type in the chat, dog! Type in the chat! Spam some emojis! I'm pretty sure—okay, Pearl became a member too! I'm pretty sure if you're a member, you can use these cat emojis!

So you can be like something like that! You can cry! Like if somebody makes you cry, you can do the crying emojis! If somebody makes you mad, you can do the mad emojis! It's kind of weird! But yeah, if you love somebody and you want to like date somebody in my comments, you can do that!

I lowly shed in my pants—N! What? This kid just sharted in his pants! You know what? You know y'all know what that means! It sounds like farted, right? So it's like, oh, it must be something with farting! Yeah! It's when you fart and you poop! Okay!

21! Belated happy birthday! Great content! Thanks, dog! This guy told me happy late birthday! Thank you, bro! Thank you so much! I want to be a member! Hey man, I wish I could just click on you and say become a member for $5! But all I can do—look at this! All I can do is give membership to people!

If I want to give one membership to a random person, I can pay $4.99 or whatever! YouTube lets you make 10 random people a member every single month! That's actually really cool! That's fire! I already did it in one of the other streams! Can I have a membership? It's my mom's birthday! I can't pick; I wish I could pick, but I can't pick! Happy birthday, lad!

Thank you! Uh, play Papa games! Play World D World! I want to be a member! I mean, if you guys—if you don't play Jin Ry, I'll [ __ ] myself! Bro, we're making the— we can't be making the text-to-speech say I have never heard somebody make happy late birthday DJ! Thank you! I have never heard somebody make the text-to-speech robot say a bad word until right there—holy cow!

I back! Sadly, it's not your birthday anymore! Yeah, yeah, it's not my birthday anymore! But it's alright, you know? Play Stick War Legacy! The boss is so crazy! Search up on Google! Also, you turning 43? Search up a DOT on Google! You're turning 43? No, I'm not turning 43! I said last night in the live stream I'm turning 83!

The reason I shart myself every day? 'Cause I'm from Shart City, so I shart every second! I don't think this kid's kidding because his name is Johnny Testicles, the Shart King! He said he's from a city called Shark City, so he's sharting every second and his name even has sh in it! He might not be kidding!

Another guy, not even identifying as one! But love your gesture! Embarrassed smiley face! What? I'm not a guy, not even identifying one! But 21! What does that mean? Are you transgender? Let me know! Is this person a transgender? Thanks for the money, dog!

Um, look at Lily Rocket! Since your birthday is over, you might as well indulge in the afterparty! So go grab some leftover snacks and whatnot, and just have fun! That sounds good! You know, when I first saw that message, I was like, okay, I want membership! Love DJ, happy late birthday! Thanks, dog!

If you want a membership, you can click the link right here and then become a member! Type [ __ ]! But when I first saw that, that message, I was like, okay, this guy's going to type me a whole freaking essay! But he's kind of right, bro!

Even though my birthday's over, I should enjoy it! I—this is the afterparty! My birthday was the party; this is the afterparty! I'm hanging out with all my friends, we're chilling! And I just saw somebody that said, "Evil Ash is tickling balls." What the [ __ ]?

What? 21! Play Gorilla Tag! PLS, do it! Because I use my mom's credit card for this! Thank you! And if your mom's watching this because she wants to know where $2 went, thank you too, Miss—um, angel! Thank you! I'm going to, I'm going to do your son's request! I'll play Gorilla Tag one day on my gaming channel!

The thing with Gorilla Tag is I've played it before, but I have to get on VR and I don’t know how to record VR! And I'm going to break something if I do VR! I'm break for your B! I'll give you a shark cake for my birthday! You'll give me a shark cake? Well, thank God my birthday was yesterday, so you have to wait 364 days!

DJ, please make a video about the fish family! What? The fish family? That's a thing? Alright, we're looking at that! Make a video about the fish family! The fish search family on Google! Unless Evil Ash is your TN! What the fish family? The Fish Fam right here!

Okay, the Fish Family! What is this? We tore out our kitchen?! Okay, that video content looks decent! Our house flooded! Okay, that's cringy! Obviously, it didn't flood! Um, I'm trying to find any fake clickbait videos! Oakley pulls out her own tooth!

That's nice! 2023 fish fam; Tatum only wants this for Christmas! Super Mario Bros in real life! Uh, Halston broke her arm! Okay, that's kind of cringy! Like if your kid breaks their arm, do you really got to make a video about it? I know it's going to get a lot of views, but like come on, bro! Let your kid have a little bit of privacy, you know?

I'm going to give this family a two out of ten! Or a ten out of ten! No—oh, I'm tweaking! I'm tweaking! Don't click that! Don't clip that! Oh, I'm actually panicking right now! I'm stuttering everywhere! I'm going to give that family a ten out of 100! That's what I meant! Jesus [ __ ]!

I have a crush on you! Well, 21, I do too! If you don't help me God, if you don't play Jin Ry, help me God! I'm not playing Jin—did you skip the five minutes that I just played Jim Ry? J? Who the [ __ ]? Who the hell is Jim? Jim needs to make a better game, bro! DJ, I’m a furry and I'm proud of it!

Okay, well, I hope you're having fun in the corner! Uh, hi Riley! I made a birthday animation for you! Thank you! You know what? I'll go look at it! I made a birthday animation for you! Let's go see—just so I can relive my happy birthday even more, even though it's not my birthday!

Okay, so we are here on their channel! I'm trying to look; I don't see! Stop hating on people who are black; it's not their fault! What a weird name! Okay, first animation! Happy 83rd birthday to DJ Love! Oh God, okay!

I had to mute it; sorry! I'm not trying to get copyright strike! Sorry that I made it late! First animation! Hate on me if you want! Holy cow, that's really good! Oh my God, wow! Thank you! You know, that was pretty good!

Uh, yeah, I'm going to give you a like! Okay, and then, uh, we'll go back to the comments! Thank you for the animation, by the way! DJ is 22, not 83! You would look old! How are you going to tell me how old I am? I was 22—61 years ago! Come on!

I'm crying! Thank you so much! Yep, no problem! I'm 83! Why does everybody keep saying that? I made a birthday! Love you, and you're not going to see this comment! See you! Uh, I just saw your comment! Play My Singing Monster! Who is your crush?

What? Why are you live streaming more than you used to? You really want to know why I'm live streaming? You want to know the actual reason or you want to know the fake reason? You know what? I'll tell you three different reasons and you have to decide which one’s the real reason why I'm live streaming, which one's the fake one!

And which one's okay? There's going to be two reasons why I'm actually streaming but then one reason I'm going to say is not the actual reason! 21, you ready? I'm a CH—I'm an inel! What are they doing here? What the hell is this kid talking? Alright, y'all got to figure out why I'm actually! So the first reason is because it makes a lot of money and who doesn't like money?

Second reason is I kind of like talking to everybody! It's really fun to talk to people and you know get trolled and stuff! And the third reason? I don't have anything else to do at this time of the day! I'm bored as hell! Favorite? I have no friends! Hi! Thank you!

Which one do you think is for real? The first and second one were the truth! Hey DJ, how you doing? I'm great! How are you doing, R Guy plays? The first two reasons were true! Streaming—streamers make a lot of money! People stream all the time!

Look at Leafy! Oh my God! Jesus Christ! I remember Leafy; he was a big YouTuber like 10 years ago! The first reason was true because streamers make a lot of money! Second reason, I like talking; this is fun! The things that we do, even though our stream is like basic and we don’t like go play video games or we don’t—we just kind of hang out!

After school—tune in to a DJ loves Turbo stream? Sounds good to me! It's pretty fire! The third one, I was just joking! Somebody said DJ is over 9,000! What? How do I stop having brain rot issue? Stop watching shorts! Stop watching TikTok! Stop watching Instagram Reels! Stop watching all these short-form content!

Short-form content is so stupid! And so—I don't know! It's like people talk about it all the time, about how like, you know, easy it is to watch a short! Like, oh, if you need to learn how to when did clean your dishwasher? If you need to learn how to clean your dishwasher, go watch a YouTube short about it!

It's like YouTube shorts is stupid! Like, I like YouTube! This is my last message for the stream! Maybe I'll be a developer for Jin Ry! Goodbye, debits! Goodbye, debit card! But like I was saying, YouTube shorts and just short-form content in general is horrible because you can just swipe to the next thing easily! You don’t have to click on anything; they just give it to you!

I made a video about this! If you guys are wondering what I'm doing with my hand, I'm drawing on my mouse pad! I don't know why I'm doing that! But uh, I made a video about this on my DJ hates Turbo channel! I don't— a lot of you don't know about that channel! It's just a channel where I just talk about stuff.

I've posted some stream clips on that channel too, but that channel is where I just mainly talk about stuff! And, uh, I talked about how short-form content is horrible! Somebody said, "Who's more lame between Don D or CJ Duck?" You know, I think CJ Duck and Don D are both very lame, but in their own ways!

Don D, I don't think he realizes what he's doing is lame just because, um, there's like a barrier there with him! But CJ Duck, the only reason he makes videos and talks about me is because he's very lonely in his real life! And he doesn't have many friends and he doesn't get enough validation!

Leafy! I low shed in my—bro, this kid keeps sharting! But yeah, CJ Duck doesn't get enough validation from people in his life, so he resorts to talking to people on YouTube and searching for Hy SLE! It's okay! I wish I could show—oh my God, I can!

Okay, look at my—I don't know if I'm going to be able to, 21! You see this? Did you grow up with Skorm? What the hell do that mean? Look at this! Hold on, I'm going to give you all the full—check this out! 21! Can you show the trailer or Resident Evil 7?

I'm drawing DJ all over my mouse pad! But I'm not even drawing it 'cause like there's nothing here! Here, like look! It's not even open! So, I think my mouse pad's just dirty! I think this is just dust and that's why I'm riding! But hey, it looks kind of cool, doesn't it? D's Nuts!

Yeah, DJ! DJ, DJ, DJ! See, I think I have autism! Why? Why am I riding DJ a thousand times? What the f—? Thank you for becoming a member, dog! Thank you for becoming a member! Let's see what people are saying about my mouse pad! Is it weird? Bro got a tan? What?

I'm always tan! Guys, I'm drawing DJ all over my mouse pad! I think my ADHD is kicking in today! I don't know why! I'm not even like looking at the camera! This is really cool! Okay, I'm done! Why am I doing that? Stop!

Alright, what's up everybody? What's up, everybody? What's up, everybody? My kids, whom are also watching, made me addicted to this channel! #ProudMother! They have great taste in creators! P.S. They're not sharting! Thank God! Your kids aren't sharting!

Ski BD toilet Sigma box! One good message followed up by a stupid message! That is cool, bro! Somebody said their children told them about my channel! Now the mother of those children are watching my channel! That is sick!

Friends with Mr. Cod? Who the hell is Mr. Cod? I don't have a clue who that is! Somebody said you look cool! Thank you! You know what? Today, I'm going to give you guys a little sneak peek! Normally, I don't do this! I don’t talk about the videos I'm going to post! But in a couple of days, I'm posting a video in the "Are you ugly?" series!

You know what that series is? Where like, basically, I go through my comments! I find people who call me ugly, then I go to their channels! I'm uploading that video in a couple of days, I think! Not today—maybe tomorrow! I might upload it tomorrow! Really funny! I haven't uploaded a video on that series in a year and a half! It's so much fun to make!

So look out, look out! Look him up! Look him up! Look who up! How are you going to tell me to look somebody up? This happens to me all the time! I get emails! As you guys know, I have an email in my description that says, like, "Send me video ideas."

People send me emails all the time! I see them all the time where they show the trailer of Resident Evil! Why would I do that? Where people are like, "Oh, you need to expose this YouTuber! He's so bad! Please expose him!" And then they don't tell me who!

It's like, what, do you have that bad of an attention span to where you type out, "Oh, this YouTuber sucks! This YouTuber is so bad! You need to look at him!" And you forget to tell me the damn YouTuber? It happens way too often! Like, way more often than it ever should happen!

Okay, I'm putting water on my mouse pad! Check this out! Oh God, that's too much! Oh God! Okay, this is bad! This is not good! Okay, oh God! I'm spreading the water! Oh, this is not smart! My mouse pad's going to wreak! Oh, it's going to be moldy!

Oh my goodness! Okay, um, um, I need a towel! I need a towel! I need a towel! I need a towel! Oh God! Oh God! Okay, you know what? I think we got—I got a pillowcase, new one! Oh God! It's not hard! Just read my mind and look him up!

Okay, this is bad! I don’t know why I did that, guys! Oh God! Okay, so my mouse pad is completely drenched! My keyboard is drenched! Oh God! Okay, um, I think I'm screwed, guys! I'm definitely screwed! My mouse pad is soaked!

And as most of you know, whenever you have, like, fabric or something that's like—like, let's say you have a pillow, right? If you pour water on a pillow, the pillow is going to soak up the water and it's going to stink! It's going to smell like all mildewy and like moldy!

So now my mouse pad is—okay, you know what? I'm about to do something insane! Hold on! I'm about to—I don’t know why I’m doing this all live! I think I might just do it after! But I'm about to get a new mouse pad! I have a fat-ass huge mouse pad!

I'm—let me see if I can show you! Can I show you? Hold on! Um, okay, hold on! So you see this black—this is not actually my desk; my desk is white! You see this? I have a humongous mouse pad that goes all the way—oh, don't look at my microphone!

My mouse pad goes all the way over here! Ignore this! Uh, mouse pad goes here and then it comes all the way over—oh my God, look! Look who it is! Hey buddy! Look what it is! Hold on! Hopefully, my—hey! Hey buddy!

Hey, look at him! You know what? I'm going to get him! Hold on! I'm going to bring him up here, guys! Oh God! Uh, okay! Uh, hold on! Let me fix my [ __ ] quick! Okay, bet! I think I fixed it! You ready? [Music]

Hello everybody! Queso Kitty! Bro called my cat fat! You just said my cat is queso! Bro, my cat is not fat! I have a black cat that's awesome! What? What is that? Somebody said, "What is that?" Oh my God! I just read one of the funniest chats I think I’ve ever seen!

Hold on! I have cat hair all over me, but I don't care! Look! You ready to see this? This comment: "I want a membership; my sister died for real!" Your sister died? So you want a membership? Okay, who the hell is your sister and why the hell do I like—okay, if you're being honest, that sucks! Why do I care? But like, I care! But like, who is your sister?

You know what I mean? Okay, I'm tweaking about my mouse pad! Guys, I'm going to have to get a new mouse pad or something! Oh God! Why did I pour water on my sh*t? That's so disgusting! Just think, DJ! Think for once!

You will not see this, but are you going to come back with the milk? Nope, I don't like you! DJ, your cat was awesome! Thanks! CJ made more videos about you! Okay, of course! Uh, I want to—I want to be a membership!

You want to be a membership? You know that sounds pretty hard to do! Like you can be a member, but becoming a membership itself? I've never seen a human that's a membership! 21! Your cat is rat mat tat poop droop scoop moop!

My cat is rat mat tat poop droop scoop moop? What? What? What? 21! Lovely cat! Both our cats also turned up! Hopefully, the super chats will pay for a new mouse pad! Feed the old to the cat! #joke! I love this person! I don't know who the hell this person is!

I've never seen them on any of my videos, but I love this person! And her cat is cute! Thank you! Not the real DJ Cook! Welcome in! Thank you for showing up! This person said, hopefully these super chats will pay for a new mouse pad! Feed your old one to the cat! That's not a bad idea!

I think my cats would like this mouse pad! And dude, they're literally giving me super chats so I can afford a new one! You know what? I might go to—no, okay! I was going—you know what? I'm going to do it! Hold on! We're going to shop for a new mouse pad right now together!

And you guys are going to decide on my new mouse pad! Here's the thing, though, this is going to be very hard and I'm going to try my hardest to not, um, show my address! See this is the problem with doing this! I want to do this because it's kind of cool to like shop while live streaming! Really cool! But it's definitely going to show my address!

Um, so how can I figure this out? Okay, hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! I'm going to do it anyway! I don't give—I don't care if people see my address! I dare you to come to my house! I will knock one of you [ __ ] out!

Alright, let's see! Let's see! Let's see, okay! So I'm signed in on Amazon right now! I'm just trying to make sure it doesn't show my address! Um, okay! It does show my address! 21! Okay! Um, up Daddy DJ! Skull, skull, skull, skull! What are you talking about, kid? Skull, skull, skull, skull!

Okay, I don't think this is showing my address! If it does, oh well! Dude! So here we are! Um, I need to see the chat! So let's see! Let's see what y'all are saying! Uh, which one are we picking, y'all? Which one are we picking? God, this is so bad!

Alright, so I kind of want—oh God! Okay, I'm so close to showing my address! This is crazy! But it's okay! It's okay! Oh God! Um, so I kind of want to get like the same one that I had! And I don’t know which one I had! But how big is this one?

So if I put my arms out, normally people tell me I'm like 72 in wide! My arms are 72 to 74, I think! Like 74! So I need like a—let me measure this! This is like a 60 in wide! Okay, where's the 60 in wide one?

Okay, I think I'm going to pick this one—Traverse Ridge! I think I'm going to pick this one! I'm going to go back to this just in case! Okay, yeah, it literally shows my address! Ah! Okay, good thing I wasn't—alright, we're going to go ahead and purchase this mouse pad real quick!

Uh, blah blah blah! Yep, send it here to this address! Blah blah blah! You guys are not seeing this address, you little mother flippers! You guys are crazy! Okay, um, boom! Yep, use that! Yep! When is it getting here? It's getting here November 29th! Okay, that's not bad!

Place the order! Boom! We placed the order! Okay, we're back! We are so back! Okay, oh God, my address is literally showing! My address is showing, bro! Even when you was going through—oh God! Oh God! Okay, we're good! I think we're so set! I don't think people saw my address! If they did, just knock on the door or something! Be cool, don't be weird, please!

Oh God! Oh God! Alright, we're back! We are so back! We just purchased a new mouse pad on stream! Someone said, "Bro does not know how to use Amazon!" You're lucky this finger doesn't come up! I'm ready to get this finger up!

I definitely do need a new mouse pad! This is—every time I put my hands on my desk, it's just wet because I just poured water everywhere! What the fudge, bro? Okay, DJ, if you could see this, I'm your biggest, biggest, biggest fan! I screenshotted it! Bro, Tyler Jackson! Bro, quit playing!

I know you're a troll, bro! You did not see my address! Oil up! What the [ __ ]? Bro saw the address! Oh, if y'all really saw the address, come to my crib! Check out the poop kid again! What? Check out the poop kid? I have no idea what you're talking about!

And I'm glad I have no idea what you're talking about! Now I've made a lot of weird videos! Somebody said, "Play Fortnite! Ice Spice is in Fortnite!" What? Ice Spice is in Fortnite? I was going to play Fortnite! I just redownloaded it! I was about to hop back on and see!

So, I guess I can! Let's see! Yo, can you say my name? Chance! Alright, you want me to say your name, bro? What up, Chance? What's up with your dog? Uh, I'm about to upload! Somebody said, "Get a better mouse!" You guys want me to get a better mouse?

Why you hating on this? Hold on! Let me get out the screen so y'all can see this! Y'all don't like this mouse? DJL, listen to Led Zeppelin! This thing is cold! Play Red Dead Redemption 2! It's the best game ever! Bro, I've played the game! I've beat the game once! And I'm like halfway through another playthrough!

I love the game! That's my favorite game ever! Red Dead Redemption 2! And I've played a lot of games! I really like The Witcher 3! As well! Crazy story, I didn't even like the game at first! The Witcher 3 when I was playing it because it was like fantasy!

And like, I don't really like fantasy! But I got into it! The game's crazy! The story's crazy! You love all the characters! The characters make you crazy! Red Dead Redemption 2 is the same way, bro. You fall in love with a lot of characters! You look at the characters and you're like, "Oh, like I'm—that's my friend!" And then like, some of them die and you're like, "Holy!"

Somebody said, "Play Spunky! It's fun! DJ, please do!" I really gotta tell you, bro! DJ hates games! Do y'all not know about DJ hates games? How do y'all not know about DJ hates games? One of the worst gaming channels on YouTube! He played Sprunk two weeks ago!

16-minute video of him playing Sprunk! 16-minute video of him playing the worst games ever! 20-minute video of him playing Kick the Buddy! 27-minute video of him playing Clash Royale, which really made me want to kill somebody! I was playing Talking Angela! I was playing The Baby in Yellow! I was playing Bad Parenting!

Everybody says, "Play Bad Parenting!" I played it! Check out the gaming channel, bro! We're here! We're here, bro! We're all over the games! We do it! Uh, you're a Sigma! Okay, thank you! I will expose you! Yeah, right! Right, dog!

Yeah, right! Somebody said, "L streamer!" I know I'm not a good streamer! I don't even know what the hell I'm doing half the time! But I'm G! Try to get better! Try to get better! Did I like Bad Parenting? Yeah, it was a good game!

Sry, not coming! Way too expensive to cross the pond! What? Where the hell are you from? You're going to cross a pond? What? You've never played A Dump in the Dark? Frown! I've never played A Dump in the Dark! Okay! Let me see what that is! If it's what I think it is, like A Dump in the Dark—

Let me search it up! A Dump in the Dark! Okay, let's see! Let's see what this is! Let's see what this is! Um, your cheeks will quiver in fear as ghastly ghouls cross your rear! You will gape in horror as you face the dark! Only your rump can guide you through! Bro, it's a game about your—you're taking a dookie!

And then what? You take a poop and then it becomes a horror game? Yeah, okay! Um, I might stream tomorrow! I think I have to go! This guy just recommended that I play A Dump in the Dark, a game about taking a dump! That's where I kind of go!

If you guys want to watch videos, go to DJ hates games! I've played a ton of games on that channel! Go watch DJ hates games! I'm leaving! I'm about to upload a video on this channel in about 30 minutes! DJ Turbo! Go watch DJ!