Top E3 Rumors You MISSED -- Wackygamer

Today we are going to be giving you the 411 on some things that are going down for the E3 conference. A new Dr. Mario game is going to be announced at E3. I know you, as Dr. Mario, are actually working at a free clinic for the members of Jersey Shore. Yeah, each level is one of the members of Jersey Shore. The last level, Snookie, is covered in vir. I’ll have to be honest, I cannot even fathom trying to finish that board. Yo, I can’t beat Snookie.

There's a new Uncharted game coming out. Yeah, it's called Pitfall. Oh, they're releasing a new Dragon Age at E3. They're totally reverse engineering the whole system. You will be playing it in your mother's basement with dice and a series of books. They can call it Dragon Age Dungeons and Dragons Age. I'm got to beat the ball rock.

There's a new Street Fighter game coming out. It's a versus; it's Street Fighter versus Little Big Planet. To be fair, though, this isn't the first time sack people have showed up in little uh Street Fighter, 'cause I don't know if you remember M. Bison. He's kind of G; he wears a cape. I've rated this game a sack of [__]. I rate this game two sacks up.

We also found out they're making a sequel to Red Dead Redemption, except this one is set 70 years after Red Dead Redemption in a city where you have to steal cars. It's called Grand Theft Auto. One new Grand Theft Auto coming out; what? Yeah, Grand Theft Auto Salt Lake. You're a Mormon in Utah. Well, you basically go door to door on a bicycle; it's your only vehicle. I don't know why it's still called Grand Theft Auto, and you deliver pamphlets. And you got a partner that's with you the whole time that dresses exactly like you do, but you pretend not to be gay.

Expect Sony to have a lot of 3D stuff at their booth. I'm expecting the announcement of Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball 3D, except there's no volleyball. It's just you and 3D and boobs all up in your [__]. It's the first 3D game ever that you have to play with your pants off.

They're making another God of War game, mhm, but instead of God of War, it's actually called God of the Harvest, and you play Dionysus, and you just go around getting drunk with Centaurs. Yeah, you heard it here first.