15 Reasons Persuasive People Always Get What They Want

No matter how hard you work at something, if you don't know how to persuade people, you're never going to get what you want. Hard work falls flat without the driving force of persuasion. Good persuasion skills beat hard work any day. That's why a charismatic person is more likely to get a promotion than a person working the hardest.

You're invisible to people if you don't get in front of them in a memorable way, and the most persuasive people in the world know this. So, they set everything in motion long before the pitch. Today, we're diving into those 15 things.

Starting off at number one: they look calm in the chaos. If you're walking into a meeting to strike a deal and you get a jump scare when the receptionist drops a file, which leads you to spill your coffee, you've already lost. When you're trying to persuade someone to go for what you want, the first thing you have to do is show them that you're reliable, confident, and you don't react to chaos.

Reacting to chaos signals to other people that you can be easily swayed and that you don't stick to your guns. You could help the receptionist by picking up the file, but you can't let outside behavior affect your movements. It's extreme, but it is true. It's the way our brain creates those first impressions. Everyone else's thoughts will immediately jump to questioning if you are safe and trustworthy. Not because you've been dishonest, but because reacting to something external shows a lack of confidence. If you are not confident about you, how can they be confident about you?

Number two: persistence beats resistance. It's never a no forever in any deal you go after. You need to enter with the mindset that it's never a no forever if you really want it. The only end point should be the answer you want. People will resist you at first, especially if you're presenting a change or an upset to the status quo. It could be something big, like a promotion you're after or securing a business loan, or it could be something smaller, like convincing your friends to go on a trip to a place that you want to go to.

With any sort of change, there will be resistance. You don't beat resistance with brute force, okay? Especially in negotiations, you beat it with persistence. The best salespeople keep contacting the folks on their no list for months and even years sometimes because one day that person’s going to want what you're offering and you and your persistence will be at the front of their mind.

Number three: scarcity equals desirability. You have to make whatever value you bring to whatever is on the table seem rare and scarce. Tighten that decision up by focusing on one thing that'll make it seem like they're losing out for not going for it. Even if other people have the same skills, you have to figure out what's different about yourself that allows you to push those skills to the next level.

Or tell your friends that if they don't make a decision about the trip soon, the prices are going to go up for the place that you suggested. People hate losing out; they hate thinking that other people might get what they could have gotten. They'll focus on the loss first, which drives them to make a decision in your favor.

Number four: persuasive people show you how they'll make your life better. Most people know that when you're coming to them for something, you're doing it because it'll make your life better. That already puts you on the back foot. The person who cares the least holds the most power here, so you have to show them and tell them exactly how this is going to make their life better. And don't speak in potentials, okay? Speak in absolutes.

Focus on the benefits you know they're going to get so that you can paint a clear picture of what's in it for them. How often have you gone into an interview or a talk for a raise and started off with focusing on your skills? You're not just selling yourself here; you have to sell what you're going to do to make things better for them. Start off with their pain points, the doubts they have, the things they're worried about.

Then go into how you would solve this for them. By doing that, you're showing them your skills, not telling them, and they'll walk away feeling like they've got something to gain from this partnership.

Number five: they talk about we, not you. Now, this is such a simple but effective technique in the rules of persuasion. The worst thing you could do when trying to persuade someone to do what you want is to talk about I and you. That separates and divides the benefits you'll get. It makes them feel like you're only in this for yourself.

Your conversations have to be filled with “we” instead. It drills home the idea that you're a team and what you're suggesting will affect you too. And if it affects you, then you're going to make sure it's successful. You're not going to put yourself on the back foot. As a team, you all rise and fall together. When people lean into this team mentality, they know that you won't let them down because then you'd be shooting yourself in the foot too.

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Number six: they're free to make their own choices. In 2013, researchers studying the art of persuasion looked at 43 studies of 22,000 participants and found that if you remind people they have the freedom to say no to a request, they're far more likely to say yes. It doubles your chances.

Whenever someone has to make a decision, they feel pressure. That pressure makes them want to protect their freedom by pushing back. This is the time to remind them that they've got the freedom to choose. It tells them that you respect their independence, and that builds trust and rapport. You remove the pressure and give them a psychological safety net that makes them feel in control. And because you've built that trust and rapport, well, they're more likely to agree with you overall.

Number seven: they create a yes ladder. If you want someone to agree with you on something big, you have to start small first. This does two things. First, it puts them into the zone of yes. People don't have the time and energy to deeply analyze everything you say. If they find that they agree with you on a few points at least, they'll automatically turn down the skepticism. Our brains create shortcuts to group knowledge into different categories, even if you don't have all of that information.

So, you get them to group the information you're giving into the yes category, and they'll be more likely to keep following that shortcut. It gets them into the habit of saying yes to you. The second thing it does is to create common ground. With this common ground, they put you into a box that they're also in. They think that you're like them, and if you're just like them, then whatever proposal you're presenting to them is something that they would do too.

So, if you find common ground on one thing, they build an idea of both of you focusing on similar goals, and as they go up that yes ladder on the smaller points, well, it encourages them to agree on the bigger points too.

Number eight: they know that location matters for meetings. The best deals are often made over walks in the park, tennis matches at the country club, or golf games on a course. Heck, even in a pub on a first drink. So, it's unfortunate that interviews and promotional meetings happen in a stuffy boardroom. But if you can get them out of that environment, even if it's just to a different, more informal room, you create a middle-ground space.

You physically put yourself on equal footing, so you're not sitting across a table from a group of people who already have the upper hand because it's their space. It also makes their environment more friendly and relaxed, and they associate that feeling with you. In the end, get yourself into a neutral space when you're trying to persuade someone and you've already given yourself the upper hand.

Number nine: they spark interest beyond the deal. When you're talking to someone and you've got a very specific point that you want to get across, taking them directly to that point will make them feel rushed and out of control. You have to take a small detour sometimes, show them the scenic route. Talk about the things you have in common that could be connected to the deal but don't have this abrupt direct link.

When you're doing this, remember to always bring them back to the main point. Don't get sidetracked. You'll still have to end up at the destination eventually, but the smoother the ride there, the more likely they are to follow your lead.

Number ten: they tend to go from friend to enemy back to friend again. Balancing that line between being friendly and being assertive is a sensitive one. You're not going to follow that line perfectly every time with each sentence, so you have to train yourself to take on different characters at different points during your conversations.

At some points, you'll be deliberately friendly; you'll get them to trust you and open up to you, but you don't allow them to walk all over you. You have to push back at some stage, and that is when you might end up on the enemy side of the table. This will help you to understand their pain points better, though. You'll start to see how far you can push and then pull it back.

You always have to come back to being the teammate that they can trust. They'll be more likely to trust you after facing some resistance and then establishing that rapport again than they would if you were just friendly for the entire conversation.

Number eleven: they display social proof. Everyone you try to convince will be better convinced by someone else. You're the leader in your pitch. While everyone thinks that the leader is the most important person in a movement, it's actually the first follower. That leader seems crazy at first; they're the one with the idea, so of course, they're going to go for it. We often doubt leaders when they first start out because, well, the amount of skin they have in the game can make them kind of volatile.

That first follower, though, they're following totally of their own accord. They give everyone else social proof. The leader might be crazy to go out there on their own, but that first follower validates the leader. The chances of two people being crazy aren't as high as one. So when you're trying to convince someone to go for your idea, you have to find someone who will back you up at first. Give the deciders social proof and you won't have to work quite as hard for the outcome that you want.

Number twelve: persuasive people ask risky questions. Now we don't mean risque, so get your mind out of the guttural. Right? Risky questions challenge the person you're talking to to think. It's not about making them uncomfortable; okay? It's about getting an idea of how they're thinking, and the best way to do that is to ask questions they wouldn't expect. Questions that are open-ended and interesting are going to get them talking about themselves.

Thinking and offloading in this way makes people feel like they've had an insightful, productive conversation. They feel like they've walked away from it with something, even if they spoke about themselves most of the time. When people leave a conversation feeling like they've benefited from it, well then, you've won.

Number thirteen: paint the picture first. When it's your turn to speak, paint that picture first! So often, we talk about where we are now and what's wrong with the way we're doing things. This time, that's boring, though! Everyone knows that this doesn't tell anyone how they're going to benefit from what you're proposing.

The most persuasive people know that humans are driven by emotion. Anticipation or fear of the future gets to us way more than whatever we're facing in the present. And because the future is something that you're imagining too, you can be way more descriptive and detailed about it. You have to get them to imagine what the future looks like for them when they agree with you.

Now, for this next one, the most persuasive people have realized early on: they know that number fourteen, your body language is way louder than your voice. This is method acting in real life! Whatever character you take on for this conversation, you have to make sure your body language fits the script. You can't go in with words that seem confident and try to back it up with body language that just seems nervous and twitchy.

We notice micro-expressions and gestures far more than what someone is saying. So if this means you practicing and rehearsing your true confidence, your excitement, or that friend-to-enemy-to-friend transition, then so be it. Rehearse away! Put yourself in front of that mirror and embody the character you think stands the best chance of winning. And while you're talking, always bring yourself back to your body language. Think about what they see from you, not just what they hear from you.

Number fifteen: the deal was actually decided before the pitch. Those who've mastered the art of persuasion know that the pitch is usually just a formality. It's everything that came before that's going to influence their decision. So this really isn't something you think about that night before and just throw it all together and hope for the best.

It's something you've learned and built up over time. If you want a promotion, you have to be good at your job. You have to be a team player. If you want your friends to trust you on where to go for your next holiday, then you have to show them that your recommendations are top-notch. Maybe that's the restaurant you brought them to that they now love.

It's not racing through the performance that gets you first over the finish line; it's all the training you did before that. And that's it from us today, Aluxir. But before you go, we did promise you a special registration gift for signing up to the Alux app. If you download the app and come back to this screen and scan the QR code, you'll get 25% off the yearly membership.

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