Life’s Greatest Paradox: What You Resist, Persists
Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung developed a concept named ‘The Shadow,’ which he saw as a part of the unconscious that contains one’s repressed characteristics that generally do not fit the ego ideal. These attributes we unconsciously hide in the dark, and because we’re not aware that we have them, we don’t directly observe them in our behaviors, and often, we deny that they’re part of us.
But, according to Jung, the Shadow exists as an autonomous entity and, sometimes, lashes out unexpectedly, which isn’t because the Shadow is evil, but because its repressed content desperately seeks to express itself. And as long as we don’t address what’s in the Shadow, its unexpected, unpredictable attacks will persist.
In the case of Carl Jung’s Shadow, it’s the unconscious resistance of one’s unwanted characteristics that leads to them never going away and even leading their own lives, influencing our behaviors from behind the curtain. The Shadow, therefore, is an example of how, in some instances, things we resist persist. As we don’t acknowledge these things and deny their existence, they seem to remain in place and even begin to impact our lives negatively.
Quite logically, we can’t get rid of something if we don’t acknowledge its existence. But what would happen if we accept the reality and truth of the things we resist? Would acceptance make them worse? Or could it actually be the first step toward improvement and transformation? This video explores how things we resist persist and what we accept transforms.
A story from the Buddhist tradition tells us about two arrows. The first arrow is unavoidable; it represents the many things that happen in life, such as gain and loss or praise and blame. But we can avoid the second arrow, which stands for how we respond to the circumstances we encounter. So, we can choose to avoid the second arrow or let it hit us, which will unnecessarily expand our suffering.
The Buddhist concept of the four noble truths shows the path to enlightenment: to the end of suffering. They contain the essence of the Buddhist teachings. The first noble truth lays the foundation of progress, as it tells us that life is dukkha. Dukkha is commonly translated as “suffering” or “unhappiness.” This suffering manifests in many forms, like grief, boredom, frustration, disappointment, anger, and so on.
Even the craving for something external is a form of suffering; it’s a dissatisfaction with the present moment. Suffering is the reality of life; humans have always suffered, are suffering right now, and will suffer in the future. Regardless of one’s social status, suffering is inherent to a human being’s existence.
Buddhism, however, offers a way out of this suffering: the path to enlightenment. But to walk that path, we must first accept the first noble truth, which is life’s inherent suffering. If we resist the reality of suffering, of life’s impermanence and unsatisfactoriness, then we cannot proceed to improve our situation.
For example, if we cling to our youth, denying the fact that aging is inevitable, then getting older will be a source of suffering. But by accepting aging and seeing it for what it is (a natural and unavoidable feature of life), we take the first step in reducing the suffering that comes with clinging to youth. Similarly, if we cling to someone we’re attached to, then losing that person causes suffering. But by accepting that, like ourselves, the people in our lives come and go, we’ll be less shocked when we lose someone close to us.
Here we see the miracle of acceptance at work. Instead of remaining stuck in the cycle of suffering, we create a way out by accepting that we’re actually stuck in that cycle. The power of acknowledgment and understanding dukkha and its cause paves the way to enlightenment from the Buddhist perspective.
If we resist the truth about life’s suffering, we’ll never be able to eradicate it. And the more we resist it, the more likely we’ll get hit by the second arrow. The idea of ‘toxic positivity’ is relevant here; it’s a baseless optimism rooted in a refusal to see how things are, sugarcoating reality with ‘make-believe’ that makes us feel good but deludes us, as it denies the problem – in this case, the nature of suffering.
Acceptance, on the other hand, allows people to transform, which brings us to the next thing most of us resist and, therefore, persists. As mentioned in the introduction, Carl Jung discovered that if we repress parts of ourselves, these parts will not disappear but continue to live on as autonomous entities in the unconscious, which he called the Shadow.
The reasons why we repress these characteristics vary. Oftentimes, it’s because our surroundings disapprove of traits we exhibit, based on, for example, cultural or religious norms. It could also be because our parents disapprove of certain traits they dislike, such as a child’s urge to be creative or assertive. So it’s important to mention that Jung’s Shadow doesn’t only contain reprehensive qualities; it contains any quality the person perceives as undesired.
Jung also described it as “the thing a person has no wish to be.” As these traits don’t disappear as a consequence of repression but live on behind the curtain, outside of our conscious awareness, they do express themselves in our conscious lives. The Shadow appears in different forms, such as behaviors, physical symptoms, and dreams.
An example of the Shadow expressing itself is psychological projection. Through psychological projection, we observe qualities in other people that hide in our unconscious selves. For example, some individuals may view themselves as loving and tolerant, even though they carry a tendency to be profoundly hateful and intolerant in their shadow. So, this person harshly accuses other people of being hateful and intolerant; this ironic sudden intolerance opposing this person’s self-image is the shadow lashing out in the form of projection.
The person reacts to what he observes in others and unconsciously detests in himself, hence the severity of his reaction. Carl Jung emphasized the potential dangers of not being aware of our shadow side (and even denying its existence altogether), as it reinforces our unwanted characteristics to sabotage our lives from behind the veil. We might even find ourselves in the unfortunate position of being possessed by the Shadow and not even realizing it.
To prevent this, Jung urged us to integrate our shadows into our conscious lives so that our repressed self becomes apparent and we find expression in healthier, deliberate ways. He stated: “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” End quote.
Integrating one’s shadow requires acceptance; first of all, it involves the acceptance of the existence of repressed traits and, secondly, the acceptance of these traits themselves. Only if we acknowledge the existence of these traits in our unconscious can we integrate them, or as Jung stated, to make the unconscious conscious.
This self-examination can be done by so-called ‘shadow work,’ which one engages in during Jungian psychotherapy that focuses on the unconscious mind to shine a light on what’s lurking in the dark. According to Jung, in the shadow lies an opportunity for personal growth, as it contains characteristics that, when integrated, could positively reinforce and expand our personality.
Jungian psychoanalyst Edward Whitmont stated: “The shadow, when it is realized, is the source of renewal. When there is an impasse, and sterile time in our lives, despite an adequate ego development – we must look to the dark, hitherto unacceptable side which has been at our conscious disposal.” End quote.
So, in the case of ourselves, the adage “what you resist persists” seems applicable, as resisting one’s shadow side results in its persisting influence on our lives from the unconscious. From the Jungian perspective, we can only transform its repressed characteristics into something positive when we accept and shed light on it.
The French philosopher Albert Camus believed that our longing for meaning in a meaningless universe is absurd. And by resisting the inherent meaninglessness of life, we only deepen our existential despair and our need to escape it. But if we acknowledge and confront the Absurd, we can live authentically and find a kind of peace in the face of it.
According to Camus, escaping the absurd happens through either physical or philosophical suicide. Both mechanisms serve as an escape from an unbearable reality. Physical suicide, undoubtedly the most straightforward and definitive approach to escaping reality, is self-explanatory.
But philosophical suicide is the act of denying the meaninglessness of life and replacing it with a leap of faith towards an artificial overarching form of meaning (or truth) that mediates between the human desire for inherent purpose and an indifferent universe that doesn’t provide such a purpose. However, by making that leap of faith, we suspend our disbelief; we set aside rationality and critical thinking to embrace a belief system that eases our existential angst – this tragic disconnect between our desire for meaning and a meaningless universe Camus called the ‘Absurd.’
Even though suspending disbelief could be a very effective way to deny a reality we would rather not see, it still doesn’t make that reality disappear. We’ve become dependent on that belief system, and if it, for some reason, gets invalidated in ways we can’t deny, then we’re confronted again with what we escaped.
Albert Camus, therefore, believed that we should confront the Absurd, come to terms with it, and learn to live in the face of it. We’ve already discussed resisting the uncomfortable reality of suffering when briefly exploring the Buddhist first noble truth. But we can look at the human tendency to resist reality in a broader sense.
The truth hurts. Reality is often frightening. But denying it doesn’t make it go away. In some cases, denying reality just reinforces it as we lose sight of it by turning our backs on something. An example is a problematic relationship in which one or both people involved deny the reality of these problems.
One could uphold the belief that one’s marriage is wonderful but simultaneously turn a blind eye to one’s partner’s drinking habits. Of course, denying this reality leads to maintaining the situation or worsening it. Acting as if something doesn’t exist doesn’t mean it stops existing.
For a situation to improve, we need to accept it first, which means confronting harsh realities we prefer not to look at. It’s difficult to accept that our marriages may be toxic, that our spouses may not conform to the idealized version we have of them in our minds, that our children are not as great as we want them to be, or that the people we consider friends aren’t friends at all. Such realities are painful.
But as long as we don’t allow ourselves to see these realities, they will continue to affect us negatively and might even grow out of control. Hence Lao Tzu wrote: “Prevent problems before they arise. Take action before things get out of hand.” But doing this requires acknowledging these problems in the first place.
The backward law states: “The acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” When it comes to things we tend to resist, this concept rings true. Aside from the acceptance itself being a positive experience, it also allows for transformation to take place – it illuminates what we refuse to see and potentially turns it into fertile ground for personal transformation.
Thank you for watching.