15 Small Things That Make People Instantly Like You

In a world where social interactions are the stepping stones to a successful life, charisma is the biggest unfair advantage that you can train in yourself. Even better, there are tiny secrets that you can deploy to give yourself an edge in life. By the end of this video, you'll have a full set of tools to turn your social interactions around.

Here are 15 small things that make people instantly like you.

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First up, be excited when you meet them for the second time. If it's true that you only get one shot at making a first impression, you rarely lock in someone's identity the first time you meet. That's why you're always willing to give even the people you don't like a second shot just to confirm your initial perception. If you didn't screw up the first one, the second time you meet them is where you'll fully establish your relationship. So, be excited! Give compliments, accept compliments, inquire about what happened between the first meeting and the second.

People love talking about the things that they love. If you follow them on social media, inquire about the takeaways that they've had recently. For example, “I saw on Instagram you went to Portugal! What did you like about your trip?” Express interest in the things that they're interested in, especially those that you have an interest in yourself. The second meeting decides if you close or widen the gap.

Holding your own and not falling back is essential. Nobody wants to carry you around or wait for you. People immediately like you when you're simply able to join their crowd and keep on moving. If you're doing an activity, don't be the one holding the group back. There's a difference between being a social asset and being a social liability. A social asset is someone who adds value through their presence and elevates the group experience as a result. A social liability is someone who needs constant care and downgrades the experience of the group. If you don't know how to ride a bike, don't come on a bike trip. If you get seasick, don't go on a boat.

People love social assets. They love to introduce you to their friends, peers, or network because they know you're able to hold your own and not embarrass them. Your presence in their social circle actually validates them even more. That's what you want to be in life: a social asset.

Showing up on time—not earlier, not later—on time. As humans, we thrive on predictability. We like people who are able to do what they say and say what they do because with them, you don't have to worry. They're not going to show up early to your party while you're still getting things ready, and they're not going to show up late, making you wait for them so you're now in a rush or you look bad. Assume time is more valuable for the other person than it is for you. The more you mess with it, the less they'll like you.

Remembering personal details is important. Deep down, we all want to know the other person cares, which is why we make an effort to actually listen when talking to someone else. In the conversation, they'll mention specifics: the name of a spouse, the name of children, birthdays, passions, plans, the journey they're on, etc. You know how companies in the 70s and 80s kept those rolodexes with all the business cards and dates of children's birthdays on the back? The modern-day version of that is to keep a notes file in your phone or calendar entries with everything you learn along the way.

Remembering what their children's names are is likely an indicator of someone who cares. Remembering the specifics lets other people know that you're actually paying attention, and they'll respond with a higher degree of attention.

Showing that you're in control without being controlling is key. Look, here's one of the most valuable social secrets that you'll learn in your entire life: Remember this secret, and people will follow you anywhere. People like being led, but they hate being told what to do. Listen to that again: People like to follow someone, but they don't like having others control their actions. This subtle difference is key to drawing sustainable productivity and contribution from the people around you.

Everyone wants to contribute, but not more than the rest. You set the pace. People like those who take care of what they perceive to be the most difficult parts. You're the one who cooks; they're the ones washing the dishes, and it works out great for you if you love cooking.

If you want to be in control of your life, go to alux.com/app, download it, start the seven-day free trial at absolutely no cost, and just see how transformative our app is. Over 100,000 people have already downloaded it.

Subtle sarcasm that they're on board with, sharing the same kind of humor, is an instant win. Sarcasm is a level higher than general humor; it's like a secret language where you either speak it or you find it confusing. Oscar Wilde said it best: "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence." The catch is to be sarcastic without being a jerk.

Willingness to make fun of yourself is important. Speaking of humor, here: some people live life like they're floating. They're always in a good mood; they're able to make fun of the not-so-pleasant experiences and through it, lift everybody else's spirits. As humans, we gravitate toward those who are willing to be vulnerable, to show that they're okay with the joke—not stuck up.

Nobody wants to be around someone who can't take a joke, but they all want to be around someone who can throw it right back. Pay attention to not being overly vulnerable or to be the person who's constantly being the butt of the joke because then you lose respect and get labeled as the class clown. If they're laughing with you, you're winning; if they're laughing at you, you're doing it wrong.

Being straightforward without being rude or disrespectful is another quality that people immediately like. Someone who knows what they want, speaks their mind on it, but does so with class and professionalism is impressive. How many times have you been around people who don't know what to order, where they want to go, how to deal with a minor problem, or who would rather live with an inconvenience instead of taking the three minutes to solve it?

Being able to communicate clearly what you want is one of the pillars of success. When the world sees someone who knows what they want, it's a lot more inclined to give it to them. Others will respect it and see authenticity in your actions and intent.

Next Sunday, we're doing a video on what kind of things make rich people dislike you, so make sure you subscribe to the channel, not to miss it!

Not allowing random small events to affect your mood is crucial. We spend our entire lives making sense of life. Humans experience life in their cerebral cortex, meaning all of your life is experienced in your brain. So whatever you process in your brain is your real experience of reality. For some people, even a minor drink spill is enough to completely ruin their night because they start thinking about what other people will think, and it's a downward spiral from there.

Somebody cuts you off in traffic and your whole day is ruined. Nobody wants to be around people who can bring everyone else's mood down. Don't let a five-minute moment ruin 12 hours of your day. The antidote to this is by giving the other side the benefit of the doubt. Remembering that we're here for a short period of time and since the event has already happened, you're only sabotaging your own happiness by not moving forward. Extra points if you can move forward with elegance and grace.

When you're matching each other's passions, have you ever met someone that you just click with? Do you remember when that happened? It's actually when you find someone who's into the same things that you are at the same level of passion you are. Because in a social environment, you're speaking the same language, and other people aren't as fluent.

It's like meeting one of your own people in the business world; it’s when you meet someone who's made comparatively as much progress as you've made because you immediately know just how hard it was to get to this point, and so it was for them too. When you find your people, you can talk honestly, you can trust them, and be open about what happens next. This is our competitive advantage here at Alux; we've actually done all the things that we're preaching here, and people trust us because we're so open about what didn't work.

Those of you who've already downloaded the Alux app know firsthand what we're talking about. For the rest of you, well, go to alux.com/app and fix that!

When your personality matches your image, people like to know what they get. Nothing bothers you more than false advertising. Don't believe us? Go see how many comments and jokes are out there about the air in the chip bags. Intellectually, you know it's there to keep the chips from crumbling, but people still have a problem with it. It's the same with your image: when all other variables are the same, well-groomed beats poorly groomed in the optics game. Well-dressed beats poorly dressed. Over time, slight improvements over the average have big effects on your performance and your overall success.

When you're genuinely cheering them on, everyone loves a fan. Everyone loves having someone in their corner. As humans, we love those who reinforce our behaviors. This is why people join gangs. Ideally, you want to be surrounded by people who applaud you when you do something great and let you know when you're slipping and losing focus. When you put them on a pedestal in social situations, you want to build a solid network. Speak well of the people who got you into the room. Word travels fast, and it'll reinforce their choice of inviting you, and they'll keep bringing you to other events.

Putting others on a pedestal wins you good faith with them and those who will benefit from the connection. Toxic people gossip; great people elevate. Let others know what's great about your other contacts without exaggeration, and slowly but surely, you'll build an extensive network of people who not only want you around but who are open to sharing their own connections with you. This is called the law of reciprocity.

When you don't try to broker their status for personal gain, the opposite of elevation is using other people's reputation for your personal gain. It's almost malicious. They've worked hard to build their good name, and you're trying to piggyback on that. People are actually pretty good at sniffing out those who just want to use them. That's why more successful people put higher personal walls up and have a vetting process to get into their circles.

When you bring gifts, even though you didn't have to, everybody loves gifts—no matter what they say—especially gifts with meaning. Books are a good choice but a poor performer in terms of carrying favor. The more personalized the gift, based on what you know about the other person, the better. For example, we've sent people Japanese knives, AI automated chess boards, toy subscriptions for brain development of their kids, a missing piece from their collection, and so on.

Everything you learn about the other person should allow you to show that you've put in effort—real effort—into the gift. The goal is for your gift to not just be thrown in a junk pile or given away. Every time they use it, they'll be thinking of you. Whatever you plan on spending on a gift, at least double that amount. And if you're not so great at gift-giving, you can never go wrong with high-quality snacks. In our experience, everyone loves a cake with a funny message or chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne.

Now we've got a question for you. You've met a lot of people in your life, for sure. So the question is: What makes you instantly like someone else? Let us know in the comments. And you already know it's coming; it's time for your secret bonus: find peace.

There is nothing out there more magnetic than someone who is happy and at peace because deep down, that's what we're all fighting for. You see, Alexis, the flower doesn't bother itself with attracting the bee; the flower just flourishes, and the bee will come. There are people out there chasing butterflies when all you have to do is plant a garden, and they will show up.

Find happiness. Find peace. Find your own version of success, and when you do, you'll realize you don't actually need other people to like you because you now like yourself. External validation does very little for the person who is internally validated on a personal level.

Even though we've crossed multiple thresholds, we still want that mainstream success where everyone knows what we've built, which is why we're still putting so much effort into what we're building. We hope that both of us will eventually get to a point where there is no one left whose opinion would matter.

If you're on the same journey as us, please write the word "destination" in the comments. Let's see how many of you are about to arrive at yours.