7 TYPES OF PEOPLE STOICISM WARNS US ABOUT (AVOID THEM) | STOICISM

You've probably heard the saying, "You're the average of The Five People You spend the most time with." Well, today we're going to explore that idea through a stoic lens. Here we'll go over the seven kinds of people who can sabotage your stoic philosophical development, as well as some strategies for dealing with such difficult interactions. To kick things off, I was hoping you might give the video a thumbs up so I can keep spreading the stoic philosophy. Make sure you don't miss a video by subscribing and turning on the bell if you haven't already.

The complainer ranks first among the types of individuals. Some people in our lives, whether they be friends, relatives, or coworkers, have a knack for finding fault with everything. They are quick to find fault with anything, be it the weather, their employment, or even the cuisine at a well-known restaurant. I know what you're thinking: why does this matter to me? I should just disregard them. Well, that's easier said than done. Your mental health will suffer from prolonged exposure to such negativity. It's analogous to a leaky faucet, progressively emptying your stock of emotional vitality.

Stoicism instructs us to focus on actionable solutions instead of ruminating on difficulties. For example, assume you're cooperating on a project with someone who is a continuous complainer. Each meeting turns into an exhaustive series of complaints without any useful discourse. The impact? The team's morale drops, you're sidetracked from finding actionable answers, and you'll likely find yourself increasingly bored with the project and probably even life in general.

So how does stoicism help us deal with a complainer? There are various tactics you might employ. First, restrict your exposure to this guy whenever you can. If that's not possible, perhaps because they're a family member or colleague, then your second choice is to mentally detach yourself throughout their diatribes. Think of their criticisms as a passing storm, noisy and disturbing, but ultimately temporary and weak against the unmovable mountain that is your own inner peace. Your third choice is to lead the conversation towards solutions or to change the subject to something more positive.

To quote Marcus Aurelius, "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." This timeless stoic wisdom encourages us to guard our mental peace diligently, ensuring that the negativity from chronic complainers doesn't deviate us from our stoic path of resilience and virtue.

Type of individuals number two: The drama magnet. Imagine you're navigating your life as if it were a ship traveling through calm waters, but then you hit the vortex known as the drama magnet. This individual seems to have an ongoing series of crises, conflicts, or controversies, and like a whirlpool, they have a frightening tendency to drag you into their vortex of instability. You can first find yourself attracted to the drama magnet's energy, mistaking it for passion or excitement. However, you'll soon understand that being in their zone is like piloting a ship during a storm, tiresome and risky.

What makes dealing with drama magnets so tough is because their problems might frequently feel like your own. Their instability is infectious; you could even find yourself engaged in battles that you had no starting part in. Let's take a practical example. You have a friend who has frequent fallouts with others in your social circle. Today they're not talking to Sarah; tomorrow it's Tom. Your friend comes to you for assistance, but you see that this cycle never ends, and suddenly you find yourself also at conflict with Sarah or Tom because you tried to intercede.

In this scenario, you could adopt a practice called reflective listening. Instead of offering advice or taking sides, mirror their remarks back to them. For example, if they say, "I can't believe Sarah said that about me," you may answer with, "So you're feeling betrayed by Sarah's words." This strategy allows you to provide emotional support without getting engaged in the drama yourself.

Another strategy, and one that can sound counter-intuitive, is to become selectively unavailable. Stoicism teaches us to value our time highly, and sometimes that means being unavailable for other people's problems, especially if they're reoccurring without resolution. Turn off your phone during certain hours, create focus periods where you concentrate completely on your work or personal growth, and let it be known that during these times, you're not to be disturbed.

To quote Seneca, "True happiness is to enjoy the present without anxious dependence upon the future." This can be particularly helpful while dealing with drama magnets. Instead of constantly wondering what crisis may happen next, concentrate on the present moment where you have control. Enjoy your life and don't allow it to be distracted by someone else's turmoil. Make it a point to sail your ship quietly, steering clear of whirlpools that endanger your voyage towards personal progress and tranquility.

Type of people number three: The naysayer. Picture this: you're an artist painting a canvas. Each brushstroke adds color, dimension, and life to your vision. Enter the naysayer. They enter into your studio, peek at your work, and instantly begin to evaluate it. "Are you sure about that color? That doesn't look realistic. You know most artists never make it, right?" Their remarks, like strokes of gray paint, start to diminish your vivid canvas. This isn't your normal constructive critique, which can be beneficial. Instead, it's a continuous air of mistrust and negativity.

For example, let's imagine you're thrilled about following a new job route. You've done your homework, spoken to professionals in the industry, and maybe even taken a few basic classes. When you express your enthusiasm with the naysayer, they swiftly enumerate all the reasons it won't work out. "The market is too competitive. Do you have the right skills? What if you fail?" Soon enough, their concerns start to feel like your own, and the self-assured vision you had starts to tremble.

Now, how do you deal with a naysayer, especially when they might be someone close to you? One uncommon but successful way is to ask them for guidance rather than just presenting your ideas or aspirations. When people are put in an advising capacity, they're less likely to oppose your ideas outright and may offer more helpful input.

Another option involves flipping the script through a technique called positive confrontation. Instead of accepting their negativity, urge them to think of solutions. If someone remarks, "You'll never be able to switch careers at this stage," answer with, "Interesting perspective. How do you think someone could successfully make a career change then?" This not only deflects the negativity but also stimulates a more productive kind of debate.

Remember the words of the stoic philosopher Epictetus: "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." Listening doesn't mean absorbing everyone's negativity; it means separating valuable data from ordinary noise. When the doubters start to cloud your canvas with their shades of doubt, take a step back, listen, reflect, and continue painting your own life with the colors that speak to you. Don't allow anyone transform your brilliant masterpiece into a boring gray landscape.

Type of persons number four: The victim. Imagine life as a game of chess. Each player has the same pieces and the same goal: to checkmate the opponent's king. You think intelligently, make some sacrifices, and take some risks. The victim, however, blames the board, the pieces, or even their opponent for every stupid move they make. In their views, they're continuously in checkmate, not because of their actions, but because of some external force acting against them. Their story is a never-ending tale of woe, with themselves depicted as the hapless protagonist: "I can't get ahead in my job because my boss dislikes me," or "I can't get fit because I have bad genetics."

Now, it's vital to highlight that some people confront true problems and structural issues. However, the victim we're discussing uses their circumstance as a constant excuse, refusing to take any responsibility for their actions or lack thereof. You can find yourself embroiled in their plot, possibly as the supporting character who repeatedly needs to save them. Let's imagine you've spent many hours listening to a buddy blame their endless string of unsuccessful relationships solely on their ex-partners. Not only does this suck up your time, but it can also gently urge you to adopt a similar victim perspective in your own life.

So what's your move when dealing with a victim? It could be tempting to become their rescuer, offering limitless advice and emotional support, but the stoics would caution against this. They'd propose establishing a clear limit to preserve your own mental state. You could utilize a technique known as compassionate detachment. Show empathy and kindness, but don't try to rescue them from problems they need to navigate alone. Offer a listening ear but desist from becoming their continuous problem solver.

Marcus Aurelius famously remarked, "The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injustice." If you find yourself caught into the victim's narrative, fight the impulse to become one yourself. Take control of your own game board, make your movements, and remember in the chess game of life, being permanently in checkmate is frequently a decision, not a fate. Keep your pieces going forward, make strategic sacrifices when required, and play not for retribution or pity but for growth and wisdom.

Type of individuals number five: The poisonous positivist. You know this individual. They're always emitting sunshine, rainbows, and endless streams of emojis. They're the ones advising you to just be happy while you're going through a difficult phase, dismissing your feelings and experiences with a flippant wave of sparkly optimism. Imagine your life as a garden. There are flowers, but there are also weeds and pests. A toxic positivist, meanwhile, insists on dismissing anything that isn't a blooming rose. Got aphids on your leaves? Just focus on the flowers. Don't let negativity enter your garden, they'd say. While it sounds inspiring, their attitude might make you feel dismissed and alienated from reality.

Suppose you're going through a painful breakup. You're melancholy, confused, and seeking some emotional equilibrium. The poisonous positivist's advice? There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just grin and be happy. This sort of extreme positivism neglects the complexity of human feeling and the realities of life's obstacles.

How can you cultivate your garden without letting the poisonous positivists trample it with their indiscriminate spraying of "Good Vibes Only"? One option is to engage them in a discussion that incorporates both brightness and shadow. If they say, "Look on the bright side, at least you have your health," you could reply, "Yes, I'm grateful for my health, but it's also okay for me to feel upset about this specific issue. Both can coexist."

You can also apply what psychologists call emotional granularity, the ability to feel and discern between a wide variety of emotions, both positive and negative. When the toxic positivism encourages you to just be happy, take a time to identify and label your nuanced feelings. "I'm feeling a bit melancholic today due to X, and that's okay" can be a liberating affirmation.

To reference stoicism, Seneca once remarked, "True happiness is to understand our duties toward God and man, to enjoy the present without anxious dependence upon the future." Notice the balance: understanding duties, which aren't always pleasant, and enjoying the present. A stoic approach isn't about focusing entirely on the positive or the negative; it's about embracing life's complexities with equanimity.

So the next time the poisonous positivist sprinkles their confetti on your beautifully kept garden, take a step back. Remember, a garden needs both sunshine and rain to flourish. Embrace your complete emotional spectrum and keep growing your garden with the richness and complexity it deserves.

Type of people number six: The manipulator. Picture your life as a movie script. You're the main character, and you have a concept of how your tale should unfold: where the twists are, who your allies and mentors are, and what your final act looks like. Enter the manipulator, the unseen producer who slowly rewrites your script without you even noticing it, until one day you find your tale has strayed off course. The manipulator is proficient in the art of emotional or psychological manipulation. They could use flattery, guilt trips, or even dishonesty to steer you in a manner that benefits them.

You might have a friend who always manages to get you to pay for dinner by saying something like, "You know I've been having a rough month, and you're so successful. It wouldn't mean much to you, but it would make my day better." Over time, you find that your generosity has been taken advantage of, but calling them out feels uncomfortable because they framed it as a favor to a friend in need.

Handling a manipulator can be a hard affair. One approach to fight such tactics is what some experts term fogging. This strategy entails agreeing with any truth in the manipulator's words but refusing to be affected by emotional manipulation. If they remark, "You're so successful, you should cover dinner," you could respond, "You're right that I've been doing well, but let's split the bill as we usually do."

Another method is to create clear boundaries and enforce them. If the manipulator wants you to lend them money or commit to tasks you're uncomfortable with, learn to say no assertively. Keep your tone cool and your words clear. "I can't lend money, but I'm here to offer emotional support" sets a barrier while retaining the bond.

Drawing influence from stoic thought, Epictetus told us, "We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them." The manipulator lives on your expected replies. They manipulate your kindness, your shame, or your yearning for approval. By deciding to respond differently, you're regaining control of your script again. So if you notice a manipulator lurking in your life, remember that you're the one holding the pen. Your plot is yours to create, and while the cast may include a range of people, the protagonist's path, your journey, should always be led by your own values and decisions. Reclaim your script and don't allow anyone to change your life's narrative.

Type of people number seven: The time vampire. Imagine your daily routine as a finely constructed symphony. Each instrument represents a duty or commitment, and when performed together, they produce a harmonious balance. But then the time vampire joins in, screeching off key, drowning out your melody and converting your exquisite composition into discordant noise. The time vampire is not necessarily malicious; in fact, they can look fairly innocent. It could be a colleague who repeatedly interrupts you with trivial queries, converting your productive workday into a series of disjointed moments. Or it may be a friend who invites you to many social gatherings that you're not interested in, making you feel forced to attend and depleting your time and energy.

These contacts might seem inconsequential in the moment, but the cumulative effect can be tremendously disruptive. So how can you safeguard your symphony from being wrecked by a time vampire? One useful option is the Pomodoro Technique, a time management tool that includes splitting your work into intervals, generally 25 minutes, interspersed by brief breaks. During these moments, you make it plain that you're not to be disturbed. This provides a boundary that protects your most productive periods from getting nibbled away.

If you find yourself dealing with a social time vampire, remember that saying no is not just normal; it's vital for your well-being. Instead of presenting lengthy justifications, a simple "I appreciate the invite, but I can't make it" suffices. Declining an invitation is not a rejection of the person; it's an assertion of your own needs and priorities. In the words of Seneca, "Life, if well lived, is long enough." Stoicism teaches us that time is one of our most important commodities, one that should be utilized carefully. It's the canvas onto which we paint the portrait of our life, and we should be exceedingly discriminating about who and what receives a stroke of our brush.

In the vast creation of your life, be sure each note, each instrument, each song aligns with your greater goal. Don't let the cacophonous incursion of a time vampire throw your symphony into chaos. Hold the baton firmly and lead your life with purpose, ensuring that every moment is a note well played in your harmonious composition.

As we reach the climax of today's investigation of the characters who can derail our road towards stoic resilience and wisdom, let's not forget that self-awareness is vital. It's easy to discern these sorts in others, but the more tough and enlightening effort is to look within. Are you potentially accidentally playing one of these roles in someone else's life? Remember, stoicism isn't just about handling the environment; it's also about understanding and developing oneself.

If today's debate has generated a realization, an epiphany, or even just a bit of introspection, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below. Write your opinions, share your experiences, and let's engage in a discourse that enriches us all. So until next time, may your choices line with your virtues, may your actions reflect your wisdom, and may your life be the masterpiece you're destined to make.