MARIO'S MISTAKES? -- Chat with Black Nerd Comedy --
Hey Vsauce, how are you doing? Happy Wednesday!
And we have a special treat for you today because Mario turned 25 years old last week. I have a confession to make: because of my troubled childhood, I didn't get to learn enough about Mario. But I've got a special guest here, Andre, AKA Black Nerd Comedy. Anyway, let me give him a call.
Oh, what? Oh, sorry, I was not looking at pictures of Kim Kardashian's butt. What are we going? Hello? I used to have Kim Kardashian's bottom as my desktop on my laptop that I would bring in to work. I don't even know why I thought that was a good idea.
As we all know, Mario turned 25 years old last week. It's a big milestone! It's a quarter of a century of Mario, and you are one of the preeminent Mario fans. You are a Mario historian, a Mario lore expert. But yet, on this occasion of his 25th birthday, you've got some constructive criticisms for him, some lessons learned.
Just a little bit; just a little bit—just minor criticism. As he gets older, it's time for him to say, "Alright, I did make some mistakes, and I want to make sure that this doesn't happen for the next 25 years." That's what I'm here for.
First off, right off the bat, this is one of the first times that we've had a Mario game with no Luigi, and people freaked out. They were like, "Where? Where's Luigi?" People were making fake Luigi videos on the computer! It was just like people wanted Luigi so bad. We just weren't used to not having the Super Mario Brothers.
To be fair, Luigi's a plumber. He may have been like, "Mario, I hear you got a new game. I'll be there sometime between 8:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m." And he just never showed!
In addition to not having Luigi, this is also the first game where Princess Toadstool is referred to as Princess Peach. Now, apparently, she's been Princess Peach for a long time in Japan, but we have just known her as Princess Toadstool. And then, all of a sudden, her name is Peach! It was never explained: Did she officially get a name change? Is she Princess Peach Toad? Is that her full name?
You know, I understand later why they had to do it for games to make them short, but it's like I like Princess Toadstool! It sounds like royalty! "I am Princess Toadstool." But I come in, "I'm Princess Peach." I don't expect you to rule a country; I expect you to dance on a stripper pole. Yeah, I said it! Princess Peach sounds like a stripper name.
Wow, that is so funny because I was going to say that I love Princess Peach so much better! Like, Toadstool? I think of fungus, and I think of like poisonous mushrooms. I think of like Little Toad guys and "stool," which means poop! So, come on! How can you possibly want Toadstool? I eat peaches; I don't rescue them!
Well, wait a minute! But probably the weirdest thing is Yoshi, who we got to ride so many times in Super Mario World. And I don't mean that in a dirty way. He shows up in the game after you've beaten the entire game! You have to get all 120 stars, get everything in the game before you can find him on top of a castle.
And he talks to you! You don't ride him; he gives you 100 lives! And then he jumps off of the castle! He's at the top of the castle, gives you 100 lives and is just like, "Well, you have 100, but I don't need my one," and just commits suicide. How is this fun for kids? You just showed Yoshi committing suicide!
Two different games, two completely different elements, but both have the same problem with me, which I can commonly refer to as "crap on the back." Both games feature the main character with something on their back that for most of the game you can't get rid of.
In Super Mario Sunshine, he's wearing this water pack, and he's like shooting water all over the place or using water to pump up higher. And it's cute for a while, but it's on almost every single level. It's only small little bonus levels where you don't get to wear it, which are the best parts of the game! I want just the game of that! I don't need all the water levels.
And then Luigi's Mansion is the same thing; he just goes into the haunted house and is just sucking everything up with a vacuum that you cannot get off your back! So you can't jump or anything!
Wow, Andre, it sounds like that would suck! See what I did there? That's why they pay me the big bucks. And by big bucks, I mean they just laugh at me!
I actually bought this game for my sister because she's got a Wii down in Dallas. And they get us back to the platform feel—the scrolling platform, which is what made me feel scared as a kid about Mario 64! But they get back to the platform, and you can actually play two-player! It works out better!
But I want to know, are you freaking kidding me? Four players at one time? You're welcome, sister! I love New Super Mario Brothers Wii! It's like it goes back to the classic Mario platformers that we all know and love.
And it's clear that this is a popular title! Like, it came out last year, and it's still selling! It sold more copies than Super Mario Galaxy 2, which just came out, which got more accolades. It just shows that people love that classic 2D formula!
So, very few things to complain about. I think the only real problem that I have is that there are four players: Mario, Luigi, and then two Toads! It's like we have the entire Nintendo library, and you give me a yellow Toad and a blue Toad? And this causes a lot of problems when you play four-player, and that screen gets pulled far back because you're like, "Which Toad am I?" I don't know who I am! It gets really confusing!
This is a point where I would have accepted Waluigi! I would have been like, "Alright, we can have Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi!" I'll accept it; just don't give me a Toad! Come on!
The music is great, the flying, the different planets is great, the different types of levels, and what you can do in each of the levels—it is almost perfection! There are only two words that I can say that makes me annoyed at Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2: purple coins! Any stage that you have to do where you've got to collect purple coins to get your star, you will leave that game in frustration!
You will lodge a Wii remote places where Wii remotes should not be! You will be so incredibly angry because they are just mean! Literally, literally, the stage will be like this: you have to collect 100 purple coins in less than two minutes on platforms that disappear and reappear as you flip in the air! And if you get hit one time, you're dead! Go!
What do you have a problem with me, Miyamoto? Did I anger you? Did I push you in a puddle or something as a kid and don't remember it? Like, you are apparently just mad at Americans when you made these levels because they are just evil! Evil purple stage levels! I hate you!
But later on, they got rid of the purple coin mechanic; like, they never did it again! So he learned from his mistakes! No, he did it again; he did it worse!
Are you Andre? This is turning into a terrible birthday party for Mario!
Okay, so what did I know? What you're thinking: Super Mario Brothers 3, best game of all time! What could possibly be wrong with it? Well, there is something wrong with it! And if you're a younger gamer, you probably wouldn't know about it because you've been privileged to get this particular feature. But if you had the game originally, you did not have this certain feature.
Find out what I'm talking about in my video! Alright, so if you guys want to see that and the rest of his video, it's totally awesome! In fact, your entire—your entire channel is go over there! Click here! And um, here! Click on—click on Robert Pattinson's face! No, just click on his eyeball! [Music]