7 Things I Wish I Knew At 20

What's up guys? It's Graham here. So, these are a few of the things that I wish I knew when I was a lot younger, in no particular order. Because now that I'm in my early 30s, there's a lot of things that I look back on 10 years ago and I think to myself, "Welp, that was dumb." I guess I'm just trying to say that there are some universally common experiences that we all tend to go through that don't become obvious until you look back at them in the future with a fresh perspective.

So, for all of you watching, these are the lessons that I wish I learned when I was 20 years old because I would have been a lot further ahead had I just understood a few of these sooner.

First, don't wait for things to magically happen because they won't. You know, I think up until you turn 18 or begin working full-time, you're really conditioned to think that if you show up and you do a good job, and you do what you're told, you're going to be rewarded. It'll happen, just be patient. I gotta say, I was completely unprepared for the reality that no one really tells you what to do and no one expects anything from you.

Sure, a boss is probably going to have their own guidance on the type of work they expect from you, but in the big picture, everything falls back on you to take the initiative. If there's something you want to work towards, nothing ever happens without you relentlessly pursuing it. And it's a shame that school never prepares you to account for any of that.

For instance, I'll never forget my first week as a real estate agent. I had no idea what I was doing, and anytime that I wasn't shadowing another agent, I just stupidly sat at my desk browsing the internet, waiting for something to happen or for someone to tell me what to do. For some reason, it took me a very long time to realize that from that moment on, it was up to me to make something happen, and if I didn't do it, no one else would.

I really think it was such a small mindset shift, but I recognized that I had to push myself forward, otherwise, I was just wasting time. The takeaway here is that it's up to you to decide what you want in life, and then it's up to you to work towards making that a reality. If you don't know what you want, then that's not an excuse to do nothing. The way I see it, you only have one life, and if you're 25 years old, you have 612 months left to make the most of it. So, the clock is ticking.

The second, speaking of that, I wish I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone more often. Even now, I'm probably not that much better than I used to be, but looking back, there were so many great experiences that I turned down because I wanted to play it safe and stick with what I was familiar with. But just think to yourself, if you knew you weren't gonna fail, how much more would you do?

I think there were so many things that held me back because I was worried about failing or wasting time. I thought, why even try if there's a slim chance of it working out? Or even something as stupid as worrying about being awkward going out to an event where I didn't know anybody. In fact, that was probably one of the most common opportunities that I turned down.

I met a lot of real estate clients who would invite me out, but I would say no because I didn't want to show up alone. It sounds ridiculous now, and it wouldn't have mattered whatsoever, but I always think to myself, how many more opportunities would have presented themselves if I just said yes?

What I've come to realize is that 10 years later, none of it mattered at all, and I should have just taken the chance because even if it didn't work out, most likely I wouldn't be able to remember it anyway. I know it sounds kind of sad to think that way, but it really puts it into perspective just how insignificant a lot of those thoughts and worries are with time. And most likely, the thing you're avoiding or afraid of doing is probably going to be the thing that's going to help you out the most.

The third, this one is new, and it's probably a bit off-brand, but I shouldn't have been so frugal to the point where I missed out on some really great experiences for the sake of saving money. But this one, unfortunately, is a bit of a double-edged sword because on the one hand, I'm here today because I took saving money to the extreme. Like, I budget my day down to the dollar. I would cut back anywhere I could, and I would refuse to spend money unless it was something I absolutely had to spend money on.

But that extreme attitude did end up giving me the money I needed to eventually buy real estate. That real estate eventually gave me the passive income I needed to pursue the projects that I was the most interested in, and a thousand percent, I wouldn't be here without it. But everything is a trade-off, and the price of saving money came at the expense of foregoing otherwise great experiences that I probably really would have enjoyed.

Realistically, I could have very easily gone out to dinner a little bit more often. I could have spent more on vacations, and it wouldn't have made a difference. Now, that's not to say that you should spend two thousand dollars on Coachella tickets because you're young, but I passed up on some great opportunities because I'd rather save twenty dollars, and that was really stupid, and I shouldn't have done that.

Of course, everything you do has a trade-off, and the opportunity cost of traveling throughout your 20s might come at the expense of financially catching up in your 30s. But saving everything at the expense of an otherwise beneficial experience could probably be avoided by taking a bit more of a balanced approach instead.

In the present day, I currently take the approach of just trying to minimize regret. I think to myself, am I going to look back 10 years from now and regret not doing something? If the answer is a yes, then I go for it. No questions asked. That's led to so many great friendships, experiences, and memories to the point where I wish I began applying that mindset sooner.

The fourth thing I wish I knew was how to ask you to subscribe if you haven't done that already. Did you know that more than 50 percent of viewers leave that subscribe button unsmashed? Hi, my name is Graham Stefan; you might remember me from such classics as my $78 Tesla or how to get a perfect credit score for zero dollars. But today, I'm here to share an important message that every 30 seconds a viewer watches a video and leaves the like button or subscribe button unsmashed.

Thankfully, though, you can help at the low cost of nothing. You could help the YouTube algorithm and subscribe to a creator who promises he'll stop asking if you finally do it. Just give it a gentle tap, and you'll be able to screenshot a hand-drawn picture of the Subscribe button. Okay, just kidding.

Fourth, it's perfectly normal to fail, and no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to be perfect. You know, throughout my 20s, I definitely played it very, very safe, and I would only try something if I thought it had a high chance of succeeding. I guess that was kind of like my way of protecting myself from ever being wrong. But after staying in that bubble of comfort for a while, I began to realize that you could only go so far without taking a risk.

Because I gotta say, you learn a lot more from your failures than you do your successes. The fact is, the more you put yourself out there, the more you do, the higher the chances are that you'll make a mistake. And at a certain point, it's just a numbers game. The more shots you take, the more shots you're gonna miss.

But that shouldn't scare you away entirely from trying something new. In fact, it's probably required that if you want to do above the average, you're gonna have to have more mistakes and more failures than the average. I know when you try something and it doesn't work out, it seems like the end of the world, but believe me, most people go through failures on a regular basis, but you never hear about it. No one ever talks about it because it's done privately.

However, that is not a reason not to try. Instead of wallowing in it, just turn it around and think to yourself, what can I learn from this, and how will this experience prepare me in the future? My thinking is that since you can't change the past, it is what it is. You may as well improve yourself going forward.

So, be okay with the aspects of failure because the more experience you get, the more accurate your shots are going to be. Fifth, you shouldn't compare yourself to anybody else. Look, I think of the one hand that looking to someone else can give you the confidence that if they could do it, you could too. Like, I've been constantly inspired by looking to other people, seeing what they've done, learning from them, and then putting my own spin on things so we could achieve the same goal.

But I've seen people take this way too far, to an extreme, to the point where comparison turns into this downward spiral of self-pity where you look at the other person and think, they don't work as hard as I do, that's not fair! They shouldn't have all of those things; that's not right. That just becomes this huge waste of mental energy that distracts you from actually achieving those things in the first place.

Not to mention, once you start getting down that path of negatively comparing yourself to somebody else, you'll begin to realize that there's always going to be someone who's smarter, richer, better looking, and in better shape who has more. It quite literally turns into a game of mental gymnastics that you could never win. Plus, I would bet that the person you're comparing yourself to is comparing themselves to somebody else. It just goes indefinitely.

What I've learned instead is that we all go at our own pace, and life's not a race because there's no finish line. It's all just a continuous journey, and the person who runs the fastest is not competing with the person who's taking it slow and enjoying the scenery.

On that same note, number six: I'll tell you, deep down, most people have no idea what they're doing. You know, in my 20s, I really thought that people older than me in their 30s had it all figured out, but as I got older, I realized they don't. And when you really get down to it, everyone is just doing their best with the information that they have available to them. They're winging it at every age.

I think I've come to realize that there's never any point where you're going to have everything magically figured out, and chances are, most people are just looking to someone else for the reassurance that they're on the right track, regardless of how confident they seem. I think at the end of the day, we're all in this together; we're all figuring out how the world works, and we're doing the best that we can given our own unique circumstances. That doesn't make you weird; it makes you normal.

Even for myself, I still often have just as much doubt today as I did 10 years ago. I'm still trying to navigate the balance of friendships, relationships, and work. I don't know sometimes when I should take a step back, and I have trouble letting go and relaxing. I'm just as much winging it, learning alongside everybody else, and if someone tells you they have it all figured out, chances are, I have a feeling they don't.

And finally, seventh, don't waste your time on things that don't matter. Like, I know this sounds like common sense, but looking back, I wasted so much time concerning myself with scenarios that were never going to happen. In hindsight, I could have used all of that same energy doing something productive that actually would have gotten me ahead.

The same thing also applies any time you take part in mindless activities: scrolling social media for the 50th time, waiting for something new to happen, indulging in useless drama, or succumbing to something that doesn't directly benefit your life in one way or another. But I would venture to say that almost everybody watching spends at least an hour or two a day entrenched in their phone when they could be using that time towards something that would benefit them.

Like, how do you think you would feel differently if you were able to spend an hour a day at the gym or an hour a day reading, cooking, learning a new skill, or playing an instrument? But instead, that hour a day is spent scrolling TikTok, and I bet that you can't even remember anything that you saw on TikTok a day ago, can you? I can't.

The truth is, if something isn't adding to your life, cut it out, and over time that is going to compound massively to help you out in the future. Look, I'm not perfect; I know there's a lot that I could improve on, and I'm on the exact same journey as a lot of you watching. But hey, if you could learn from at least one of my experiences, then it's all worth it.

And if you found this helpful, like I mentioned earlier, it would mean a lot if you hit the like button or subscribed, or you know what? Even there's a free stock down below in the description with our sponsor public.com. Just use the code "GRAM"; that could be worth up to a thousand dollars. Feel free to use that down below. Thank you guys so much, and until next time!