15 Situations When You Need To Shut Up And Listen
Most people are unaware of this simple fact: the wise always listen more than they talk. Some folks out there prefer running their mouths without considering that in some situations, this is not going to help their cause. There are several reasons that humans do this; be it their own ego, impatience, the need for validation, even neurodivergence. Talking when you're not supposed to can lead to self-sabotage and even leave you looking like a fool. Do you want to be that person in your group of friends or at work? Uh, probably not, right? So make sure to watch this video until the end; the following advice will certainly improve your social life and correct your attitude if you've made a habit of running your mouth when you maybe should be listening instead. So let's get started, shall we?
Here are 15 situations when you need to shut up and listen.
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Number one: when people gossip. In general, when you see people gossip, it's better to just leave and mind your own business. But there are certain situations when listening to what people are gossiping about can turn out to be valuable. The Dutch philosopher Roch Spinoza once famously said, “What Paul says about Peter tells us more about Paul than about Peter.” Notice that in this context, you are the observer, so you should abstain from making any direct comments. The wisdom behind this quote lies in the fact that by listening, we can get an idea about someone's character based on how they speak about other people. Behind every negative opinion about another person, there is usually one or multiple biases that make things highly subjective. If you decide to shut up, listen, and observe, you might not only learn something valuable about a subject, but also about the ones having the discussion. It's actually a great strategy if you want to look for red flags and filter out the high-quality people from the ones that love drama and negativity.
Number two: when you go on a first date. And because we mention red flags, when you go on a first date with someone, it might be a good idea to shut up and let them talk. Think about it: the one who is listening is always in charge of the conversation because they're also the ones asking the questions. Something important to add here: don't turn your date into an interview. We know some people might get this a little bit wrong. Instead, let the other person talk and see what they're all about. Ask only the fun questions here and there; people love talking about their lives, and when they do, you can learn some valuable things about their perspectives and motives. This can spare you a lot of headaches, and by the end of the date, you'll preserve an air of mystery, leaving the other person wondering about you. Remember, we've got two ears and one mouth for a reason; use them properly.
Number three: when you ask someone for their advice. Seriously, okay? If you ever ask anyone for advice, shut up and listen to what they have to say. After all, that's why you asked for their input in the first place, right? If you only care about validating your point of view and interrupting the other person while they're giving you advice, look, don't waste their time, okay? There are a lot of folks out there who simply can't listen to another perspective, even when they've asked for it. This is usually the case because what they hear isn't what they expected. Believe it or not, though, this is a defense mechanism that our brain has developed throughout our evolution. If what the other person is saying is deconstructing your reality, which can lead to suffering, their advice will be met with resistance, even unconsciously. But you have to understand: if you want to change, then take some good advice to heart. Just make sure it's coming from someone honest, who is close to you, and you trust them; you don't want to take advice from people who don't understand your situation and don't really care about you.
Number four: when you're being criticized. Direct criticism is a great opportunity to learn something new about ourselves, although there are situations when you're going to be better off ignoring criticism. There are situations when it can turn out to be very constructive; this boils down to one thing: do you know yourself and your potential flaws? If you do, and you're looking to break down your walls in order to improve, embrace it. Epictetus, one of the Greek Stoics, used to say, “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” We all need a wake-up call from time to time. Constructive criticism will keep your ego in check and help you to grow as a person. A lot of people will run away from it, and when someone dares to criticize them, they'll fight back with emotional responses, which only makes things worse. Remaining detached, shutting up, and being honest with yourself will serve you so much better in life. So the next time you're faced with potential criticism, listen and embrace it with dignity; that's the mark of a person who cares more about their character than their ego.
Number five: when you're overwhelmed by emotions. A person who's not in charge of their emotions lacks self-mastery and discipline. It's happened to all of us at least a few times in our lives when we said something we didn't mean because of anger or other negative emotions. The first step in fixing this behavior is to become aware of your state of mind that's causing it. Most people, when they get overwhelmed by emotions, turn reactive and, in some cases, even aggressive. It's a scientifically proven fact, though, that when emotions go up, IQ goes down. If you see yourself getting emotional, pause the conversation or whatever you are going to do: go for a walk, take a breath of fresh air, and turn to rationality. You don't want to say something you might regret later on.
Number six: when someone is expressing their opinion. There is arguably nothing more disrespectful than constantly interrupting people when they talk. The art of having a good dialogue requires both parties to speak and listen to each other respectfully. The problem is that some people simply don't listen to understand; they listen in order to reply. If you're having a debate, shut up and wait for the other person to finish their sentence. Otherwise, the other party will feel disrespected. When you're interrupting, you're basically saying you don't care about their point of view, even if that's not what you intend to say. At that point, the conversation can easily get heated and turn into an argument, which kills the value you could get from that exchange, and that's the sign you need to step up your communication skills.
Number seven: when people are opening up to you. It takes a lot of courage and trust to open up to someone. When people close to you decide to tell you something highly personal, don't ruin everything by making them feel unheard. Shut up; let them tell you what's bothering them and be empathetic. They probably already know the answers to their problems, and all they want is someone trustworthy who is there to listen. If they decide to ask for your advice, by all means, go for it; give it to them. But don't do so unless they need it. Vulnerable people can get defensive really easily. You're there to listen and lend a hand, not to sound smart.
Number eight: when you make a mistake. It's in our nature to make mistakes; after all, humans are far from being perfect. What's worse than making a mistake, though, is not admitting it and taking responsibility. That is a sign of weakness and immaturity. The best you can do in this scenario, especially if someone is holding you accountable, is to shut up, let them speak, and then politely apologize at the end. People don't like hearing excuses because they'll interpret that as your attempt to manipulate them. So the best approach here is to shut up, take responsibility for your actions, and do a better job next time. If you don't, the situation can escalate, and that's the bad news for you, depending on the severity of your mistake.
Number nine: when you interview someone. How do you know if it's a good idea to hire someone? You set up an interview and try to ask only direct questions without speaking more than necessary. People will usually try to make a good first impression, so they'll most likely say a lot of positive things. But if you let them speak long enough, there is a decent chance they might say something they didn't intend to, and based on that, you can filter out more people easily and prevent potential headaches and wasted resources. So, whether you're an employer or an employee, consider using silence to your advantage.
Number ten: when someone older than you is talking. Now, listening to people older than you is not a good idea because they are always right, but actually because they have had more experiences of being wrong. Theoretically, the older you are, the wiser you get. But you know we know that's not always the case, right? The reason why you should shut up when someone older than you is talking is that there's a decent chance they've already made the same mistakes you're about to. So if you can prevent potential mistakes from learning from others, well, there's no reason why you shouldn't. And besides that, with enough patience and open-mindedness, you could learn something valuable from everyone you talk to.
Number eleven: when someone younger than you is talking. I might say this point doesn't make any sense, but look, just hear us out, okay? The youth of today, they're way smarter and more knowledgeable than past generations. Why? Because of what's known as the Flynn effect. There are more geniuses living today than ever before, especially among young people. So it might be a good idea to listen to what they have to say. Consider this the next time someone younger is trying to teach you something; you might be surprised by their level of expertise. How many of you were born and raised in the internet culture? Drop your answer in the comments below; we're curious to know.
Number twelve: when other people are debating a subject. If two people are having a debate in the same room as you, don't talk without being invited to the conversation. Seriously, okay? We know you might have something important to say, but keep it for the right moment. If those people are interested in hearing your thoughts, they will ask for your take on the subject, and that is your moment to shine. Add something valuable to their conversation and leverage that to your advantage. If you want to learn, first decide you want to listen.
You're welcome.
Number thirteen: when someone is mad at you. If someone's mad at you, the worst thing you could do is talk while they're trying to express their frustration. This is just a bad idea in general. Shut up and give the other person the space to calm down, even if the reason is unjustified and it's all a misunderstanding. Remaining silent and acting calm will put you in control of the situation; that is how mature people handle conflict.
Number fourteen: when someone is teaching you something new. People are asked to be silent during classes for a reason. You can't learn anything new unless you're focused on what your teacher or coach is trying to teach you. It's a simple but very effective rule that everyone should follow.
Number fifteen: when you see someone trying to manipulate you. The best way to beat manipulators at their own game is to remain silent and act as if you have no idea what's going on. If they won't get the desired result from you, they'll eventually give up, and you'll have successfully wasted their time. Besides that, they'll never admit to the fact that they had ill intentions, so there's no reason to invest any time explaining anything to them anyway. Shut up and mind your own business; if you value your mental health.
And, like, sir, that's a wrap for today! Which point on this list made the most sense to you? And while you're at it, tell us when did you first learn that listening more than speaking is a great idea? You know we enjoy reading your comments, so share your thoughts with us! If you enjoyed this video, don't forget to hit that like button and share the video with your friends. Thanks for watching, and we'll see you back here again tomorrow!