🚨 BREAKING FLAG NEWS: Minnesota Getting a New Flag

Breaking flag news. Breaking flag news! Minnesota is redesigning her flag. The current colors provocatively called, quote, “worst in the union,” by some YouTuber, Minnesota asked for submissions, received thousands, out of which selected six, then thinned to three. One of which, to be picked as new before end of the year. Which of the three will it be?

Doubtless many Minnesotans [and YouTubers] will want to weigh in, and I will, because breaking flag news is rare and exciting. So exciting that this is my SECOND Minnesota flag redesign video. The first with my first impressions of the six semifinalists I gave semiserious names. I'm sticking with for cinematic continuity. But enough with the intro. Onto the top trio, with designs, as described by their documents, for you to decide upon.

First up, Star Rise. So Minnesota is the North Star state. Thanks to the angle inlet that US/Canadian map making muddied up that inched Minnesota out over the 49th parallel, putting her as America's northernmost contiguous state. Thus Star Rise centers the North Star here, with eight points, to distinguish it from the standard state stars. The blue is the sky that gives colors to Minnesota's 10,000 lakes, with a rolling green landscape for the forests and farms, and a bit of snow up top because, it's cold up top. That's Star Rise.

Onto Old Wavy. Here again is a North Star, this time distinct as four points in yellow. And on the upper fly is described as, wisps of snow, clouds, and aurora, that are reflected along the bottom half as the head of the Mississippi River. You might see a loon, the common loon is the state bird, you might not, but it's there. And that's Old Wavy.

Last up, Polaris Tricolor. Starting with a hoist design in the simplified shape of Minnesota herself. An eight pointed star is centered inside with more of a twinkle look. And from that feature, tricolors extend for the lake's land and snow. These are the final three. And if you haven't ranked them yourself already, pause here to give it a ponder 'cause I've got thoughts, I'm about to share in 3...2...1.

All right. Old Wavy. Of the top three. It's easily the awfulest. In my first impressions video, did not like this design, and given time to reflect upon it has but changed my position to do not like, harder. And learning the details of the design didn't help either. Snow, clouds, and the aurora borealis are very different things and this squiggle looks like none of them. It's reflection I can see as a river if I try and it may be inspired by the loon. But to me, it looks like a duck. And a duck-side-down-duck.

In fact, I think this design really represents the potential danger in flag redesigns. Maybe it can serve as warning to any states who might want to go next. Because when you ask for designs of a state, you'll get designs that stick all the stuff of the state on the flag, like the loon and the Mississippi and the, ah, aurora? But the goal of a flag is not to use pre-existing symbols, but to become a symbol of its city, or state, or state state. And all that stuff? Well, there's a perfect place for it in, Your Seal.

Which we don't have time to get into. But Minnesota also just redesigned hers into a total banger! Best seal in the Union? Uhh, I don't actually know because I haven't gone through all of them. Oh, they're so interesting. No, Grey. Don't get distracted. There's no time. You have yet to give your hottest of takes, which, before I say the sentence that will doubtless drive many mad. This video had to be written, recorded, edited, animated and edited again, all in a day. So I did. And reserve the right to retract.

But, I actually think I might prefer Minnesota's original flag over Old Wavy. [ugh] I know. It's terrible. Literally worst in the union, but there's kind of an achievement in that. At least it's outstanding. Aren't the real worst things those in the middle of bad, where there isn't even any fun to be had in the art of entertaining complaining. That's Old Wavy. Bad but middle mediocre, which is worse than being the worst.

Ah, yeah. So anyway, in case you couldn't tell, I really don't like this design, and its alternative options are even uglier. So let's just move on to, Star Rise. Which is...fine? Uh, I don't have a lot to say about this one because it's better, but maybe not amazing. If Old Wavy is mediocre bad, then this one is mediocre good.

Now, that's a bit too harsh. Really my main complaint is that it's so good at evoking the idea of a landscape that it looks kind of odd when hung vertical. North Star to side star? There are alternative options that move the star but still. But I'd rate any of these as a legit improvement over the original flag and would probably put Minnesota somewhere in the region of Miss Mississippi's recent redesign. Yeah, I don't know? But better for sure.

Now on to, Polaris Tricolor. Which, come on girl, contest over, right? It's awesome. That Minnesota K is so kool, subtly representing the Great State. It's a unique design element, not just among state flags but world flags. I kind of can't believe no tricolor hoist has inverted a triangle before because it looks so truly traditional.

Something that could have been designed at any time in the long past. Thus basically guaranteeing it'll look great into the long future, unlike say Old Wavy, which despite my nickname, looks painfully modern, and is destined to be dated in under a decade. Polaris Tricolor looks like a flag. Especially when you rotate it with North Star, top star, and still stands out even without wind.

Now, the only thing I'm afraid of for perfect Polaris is there are a bunch of variants, all of which detract from the original design. Look, I get the desire to tinker at the last second. When this first caught my eye, I did wonder about the slightly muted colors and had second thoughts about the white stripe up top. But unlike Old Wavy, my love for this design has only grown with time.

White stripe on top makes it distinct from some of the most well known tricolors. And the slightly muted colors convey a northern kind of cold coziness and look better together than brightening the blue. I mean, look, the design is so strong, it would survive small changes, but they'd hurt my heart a bit. Thus, the original Tricolor Polaris design, as the artist intended, gets my unambiguous approval and I hope to soon see it flying over the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

But, I'm not a Minnesotan. It's not my opinion that matters. I'm just here because I can't stop myself from being on the edge of my seat to see what Minnesota selects for herself. Please pick Polaris Tricolor though.