JERRY BLOOP REVIEWS: MGS Peacewalker, Alpha Protocol, Crackdown 2, Dragon Quest IX

Shiny Vsauce and the first episode of uninformed video game reviews. A lot of people commented on the fact that Jerry Bloob has a pillow underneath his sweatshirt. Why? Well, he actually has a very rare medical condition that leaves his nipples razor-sharp, so it pierces through his t-shirts like this. So in order to protect his sweatshirt from his razor-sharp nipples, he has to wear the pillow.

Here's the July episode of uninformed video game reviews. Enjoy!

Greetings all on the internet realm, Jerry Bluepeer with uninformed video game reviews, the show where I review games I've never played before because GameStop doesn't take food stamps. Today is July; now that summer is in full swing, it's important to stay cool. How do you do that? No problem! All you need is a giant fan, turn that up to full blast mode, a huge pitcher of water, and you got yourself an indoor sprinkler. My pants are full of so much water Ecco the Dolphin could swim in them.

Now that I'm kind of dry, let's start the reviews. The first game this month is Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker for Sony's PCP. It's the latest stealth action game from creator Hideo Konami, but instead of killing guys, the snake's peaceful this time, so he just hugs them. And not creepy hugs like from my cross-dressing uncle Larry, but nice hugs like from my cross-dressing aunt Larry. I give this game an A plus plus plus plus.

Next up is Alpha Protocol for the Sony 3 and the Icebox 360. Alpha alpha alfalfa! This game by Sega is about Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. He has escaped the hospital to fight the evil Spanky in a pickle-eating contest. I beat myself in a pickle-eating contest; I ate seven jars.

Also new this month: Crackdown 2, which is exclusive for the Icebox. Crackdown 2 is like if Grand Theft Auto and Halo had a baby and there was crack, so it's about a crack baby. It's about a lonely, lonely, lonely crack baby. I give this game a forever good.

The final game of the month is Dragon Quest 9 for the Nintendo DS. It's the ninth one in the series, so everybody knows the story by now. You play as Goku, who gets hatched from an egg, and he has to dye his hair blond so that he can defeat his arch-nemesis, Vagina. It's really popular in the state of Japan, and I like it too. I give it 10 stars.

All right, this is the part of the show called "Game Life is Real Life," or I try something out from a video game to see if it really works. This month, we're gonna try something from Metal Gear Solid, and that game, Snake, eats rations when he's hungry, and then he doesn't feel bad anymore. So since my stomach hurts, let's try eating some rations. Delicious rations!

Oh, that's it for this month's episode. Let me know how the new games are. All right, so next month, why this cat food tastes like dog food? Thanks for watching uninformed video game reviews! If you're wondering about the indoor sprinkler bit with the water and the fan, don't try that at home, but definitely try it at church if you want to cheat the system.

And watch the August episode of uninformed video game reviews! Come to my channel, check it out. You'll be an insider and be inside of something that's outside of you.