it's time to LET GO of these type of "FRIENDS"

Show me your friends and I'll show you your future. You're the average of the five friends you spend the most time with. That's real. If you're trying to get your life together and your friends get in the way, that's actually useful for you because you've now identified who your friends aren't.

Success and personal growth are two concepts we all aspire to, but what shapes them in our lives? It's the company we keep. From great minds like Jim Rohn or Tony Robbins and many others, we've been told about the importance of choosing our friends wisely. As James Clear from the Atomic Habits says, "Your culture sets your expectation for what's normal."

Like many of you, I once had a large circle of friends. We would do all kinds of crazy things, have fun, and simply enjoyed our youth. The world seemed to be our playground, and there were no real responsibilities. But as life would have it, everything changed with the advent of lockdown. COVID-19, the world as we knew it, came to a standstill, and so did our lives.

But for me, it was more than just a pause in a fast-paced existence; it was a moment of awakening. The lockdown came as my personal life was undergoing a significant shift. My dad lost his job, and I was faced with the daunting prospect of stepping up and taking control. It was during this time that I realized I couldn't continue living the way I had. I needed to evolve, to grow, and to be better.

So I embraced change. I got in shape, fixed my sleep and diet, reduced alcohol consumption to a bare minimum, and dedicated each day to learning new skills and improving myself. I also made significant strides in my financial life, starting to make more than 10k, and eventually 20k, and 30k per month.

As I joined on this path of self-improvement, I noticed a shift in my relationships. My friends, who were still happily enjoying their carefree life, couldn't relate to my newfound focus on personal growth and development. My desire for deep, meaningful conversations was at odds with their inclination for shallow chit-chat and party banter. Their interests lay in parties and hookups, while I found solace in books and self-education.

As time passed, the divide widened. I found myself increasingly unable to engage with them on a level that was meaningful to me, and slowly, I found myself withdrawing from my circle of friends. They too started noticing my absence and stopped inviting me. The result was a deep sense of loneliness, but with loneliness came a deep self-realization.

I realized that real friends aren't those who would rather see you stagnant so they can feel comfortable. Real friends are those who motivate you, inspire you, and challenge you to become the best version of yourself. They are your teammates in the journey of life, and when life throws curveballs at you, they stand by your side, not away from it.

Real friends aren't the ones who prefer you to remain stagnant just so they can revel in their comfort zones. They're not the ones who cheer for your failures or watch silently as you drown in self-doubt. No, that's not what a real friend is about. This understanding shook me to my core.

It dawned on me that if I wanted to be surrounded by such positive, inspiring, and loving friends, I needed to become that person myself first. This change needed to begin with me. In our digital world today, where we are more connected yet more isolated than ever before, somehow it's common to hear about toxic friendships. Social media platforms are bombarded with posts and discussions about this issue, but amidst all the noise and blame, we sometimes fail to look at ourselves.

Are we being a good friend? Building authentic, genuine friendships is about more than just shared interests or regular hangouts. It's about taking initiative. It's about showing genuine interest in the lives of others, making an effort to understand their thoughts and emotions, ensuring that they feel heard, and offering your support even when it's inconvenient. It involves a level of selflessness that is sometimes challenging but always rewarding.

In my journey, I decided to be the one to make the first move. I took the plunge, extended my hand first, opened my heart, and the results have been astounding. Today, I'm fortunate to be surrounded by friends who not only understand me but also inspire me. They're my confidants, my motivators, my inspiration, my cheerleaders.

Be the friend you wish to have. It was always easy, but it's an endeavor worth embarking on. Good things are never easy. You have the power to inspire, to support, and to love. Use it and watch as your life fills with the kind of friendships that nurture your soul and push you to grow.

Now, let's delve into something fundamentally essential, which is our environment. Much like the water determines how a fish swims and survives, the people we surround ourselves with have a profound influence on our attitudes, our behaviors, and ultimately who we become. James Clear, the author of the book Atomic Habits, provides some invaluable insights into this. He says, "Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself; you will rise together."

Nothing sustains motivation better than belonging to a tribe. It transforms a personal quest into a shared one. Previously, you were on your own, but you don't have to be the victim of your environment. You can also be the architect of it. This thought is simple yet incredibly powerful, and it changed how I think.

The habits and behaviors of the people around us rub off on us, for better or for worse. There is immense power in belonging to a group that shares your aspirations and values. It's not just about individual quests anymore but a shared mission. This collective drive doesn't just sustain motivation; it amplifies it.

Take a moment and consider the people you surround yourself with. Are they people lacking the ambition to strive for more? Are they people who are making excuses all the time, or are they individuals who are constantly pushing their boundaries, exploring new ideas, and striving for personal and professional growth? The difference between these two environments is stark, and it can significantly impact your mindset and actions.

If you find yourself surrounded by people who are lazy, it's easy to fall into the trap of settling for less. Their lack of ambition can subtly seep into your subconscious, encouraging you to remain within your comfort zone, to stop striving for more. This is not the environment that breeds growth and success.

Contrast this with a circle of friends who are relentless in their pursuit of self-improvement. These are individuals who challenge themselves, who are continually learning, evolving, and pushing their boundaries. When you surround yourself with such people, their drive and ambition are contagious. You, too, will find yourself inspired to push past your limitations, to strive for growth and excellence.

So take charge of your environment. Choose to surround yourself with people who inspire you, challenge you, and help you grow. Remember, you're the architect of your life. Design it in a way that fuels your growth and success, not stops it.

Recognizing toxic friends is not always easy. They might not appear harmful at first glance, but some signs give them away. They might get jealous when you succeed, might not be there for you in times of crisis, or may be excessively self-centered. Toxic friends may indulge in constant gossip, turning their attention to others' lives instead of focusing on their own growth.

One of the most glaring red flags in a toxic relationship is when someone starts playing with your insecurities. I mean, we all have areas of self-doubt; that's a part of being human. But a true friend, a genuine friend, would help you overcome these insecurities, not use them as a weapon against you. A toxic friend, on the other hand, will constantly point out your flaws, not to help you improve but to belittle you. They wield your insecurities over you, chipping away at your self-esteem.

This can take many forms, from casual, supposedly joking remarks that always seem to hit where it hurts to more direct criticism aimed at making you feel inferior. Why do they do this? It's often because they don't want you to be confident. Your confidence, your self-assuredness, your growth; these are mirrors that reflect back their own insecurities and their own lack of growth. Instead of working on improving themselves, they find it easier to try and bring you down.

Friends like these can drain your energy, chip away at your self-esteem, and ultimately hold you back from reaching your true potential. That's why it's crucially important to be choosy about the company you keep. The friends you choose should add to your life, not subtract from it.

So how do you choose the right friends? Start by surrounding yourself with people you genuinely admire. These could be individuals who have achieved goals similar to yours, who share your values, or exemplify qualities you strive to cultivate in yourself. Being around such individuals can inspire you to strive for more.

It's not just about taking, though. Strive to bring value to the people around you. It's not always "me, me, me." You also need to give something; friendships are a two-way street. If you're in a friendship to get something out of it, you're in it for the wrong reason; you're the toxic friend.

Be a good listener, offer help when you can, be supportive, and be there for your friends just as you would want them to be there for you. Finally, adopt a can-do attitude. This is the belief that if someone else can achieve something, you can do it too. If they can do it, so can I. Such an attitude can be incredibly empowering.

This isn't about blind optimism but about faith in your capabilities, about the belief that with effort and perseverance, you can overcome challenges and reach your goals. So remember, it’s okay to walk away from friends who bring negativity into your life. You deserve friends who respect you, inspire you, and support you if you're that type of a friend, of course.

Choose your friends wisely because the company you keep can shape your life. Real friendship isn't about remaining comfortable, always staying in the same comfortable groove where we feel safe and unchallenged in our comfort zone. The essence of true friendship is far more complex.

Actually, it's about standing alongside each other and pushing one another toward growth and improvement. It's about being each other's constructive critics and biggest cheerleaders at the same time. If I see my friends getting lazy and not reaching their full potential, it's my duty as a friend to tell them. I'm not going to hide it to myself; I will tell them because I believe if I'm staying in my comfort zone, if I'm not growing enough, if I'm stuck in the same place, they will do the same.

I would want them to be the voice of reason, to challenge me, to push me harder, to make me rethink my approach. Seeking friends who offer different viewpoints and perspectives is the key to personal growth. Remember, if all your friends think exactly like you, your learning will be stagnant. You'll be caught in an echo chamber of similar thoughts and ideas, which does little for your intellectual growth.

It's the clashing of different perspectives, the challenge of different viewpoints that sparks innovation and growth. Remember, it's okay to say no to people. Not everyone you meet is going to be your friend, and that's fine because you should be selective about your friends.

When it comes to friendships, remember it's quality over quantity. Building friendships takes quite a lot of time, so if you have a bunch of close friends, a bunch of real friends, you either spend too much time on your friends rather than focusing on yourself or you're not spending enough time with individuals among them.

Spending quality time takes a lot of effort, and we all have limited time in this world. Also, understand that friendships, much like life itself, evolve. Just as we change and grow, so do our relationships. Different stages of life might offer different friendships, and some might fade away. This isn't something to fear or resist; it's just something natural and something you should embrace. Change is part of life, and growth is the essence of our existence.

For the last message, I want to share that embracing the challenge of growth—the discomfort of change, both in your life and in your friendships—is vital. Be the architect of your life; push your limits and grow as a person. Nothing good is easy; it's always going to be hard, but that's why it's so meaningful.

Remember, true friendship isn't about comfort; it's about growth. I hope this video provided you with some insights from the lessons that I've learned in the past couple of years. See you next time. Bye!