Want to Be an Effective Leader? Learn to Say "No" | Nancy Koehn | Big Think

[Music] One of the really interesting corollaries that's part of many of these stories, the corollaries of focus, and these are the stories of Ernest Shackleton, the explorer; the US President Abraham Lincoln; famous African-American abolitionist Frederick Douglass; a very important resistor to Hitler in Nazi Germany, Dietrich Bonhoeffer; and the environmental activist Rachel Carson, is that each of them discover that focus is not only a way of bringing out their best possibilities, their greatest power as leaders, it's also a way of conceding what isn't important and giving away all of that stuff.

So let me give you a really interesting example. In the early 1850s, Lincoln gives a law lecture to a bunch of aspiring lawyers and he says, "Look, I learned the hard way that if I could swing a jury to my side on the one or two or three critical issues that really mattered to the case, I could simply give away everything else to my opponent. I could give away this point, then I could give away this point, then I could give away this point, and then I could give away this point because I only needed to hold on to those one, two, or three issues. And by doing so, I could, one, disarm the opposition; two, keep the jury very focused on where they needed to be focused; and three, claim all that I needed and nothing more for a judicial victory."

And I think that is just a great lesson writ large for our moment. We have so many leaders right now, and so many of us want, at some emotional level, to have all the victories, to get all the goodies, to be perfect on every front. Each of these people learned that the real power, like that real power for leaders, lies in giving away the unimportant stuff, in recognizing what's a small or unimportant victory and joyfully handing it to someone else, including one of one's opponents.

And that in doing of that, not only does one hold on to what really matters, one masters oneself enough not to need to have victory on every single front all the time. There is great power and great self-knowledge in the doing of that that creates, on the outside, a kind of confidence that people are very much attracted to and motivated by. One of the things that each of these people learned—and I think is particularly relevant today—is the importance of focusing on one or two or even three, but it's never more than three. It's one or two, maybe three, never more things at a time.

Why is it so important that leaders today, as in these stories, learn the emotional discipline, learn the fearsome ineluctable logic of only focusing on a few things? It's so important because, first, there are a number of things every day that only a leader can do. Every time we say no to those four, three critical things—one, two, or three—and say yes to the Twitter announcement that just dung on our phone, say yes to the email notification that just came through, we have 12 unanswered emails in the last 10 minutes, say yes to the person, the doubting Thomas in our office who wants to tell you why things are wrong and can never be right, every time we say yes to all those things we're saying no to the things that only we as leaders in our respective paths can do.

And so we are saying no to moving the mission forward, even if it's just a few inches in this moment. That is really important right now when, in so many ways, Rome is burning around us and leaders of all kinds, of walks of life, of all kinds of stripes and sizes, have so many things coming at them that are not critical.

So the first reason is a leader can only do certain things, and a leader owes it to himself or herself, his mission, his followers, and the larger global village to keep on focusing on those things. That's the first reason. The second reason it's really critical is if we don't work all by ourselves, we have to be able to delegate to others. The act of delegation is an act of empowerment; it's an act of trust; it's an act of sharing.

And I see so many leaders, myself included, I'm not sure I'm a leader, but I'm certainly a coach and a teacher and a writer. I see myself, you know, kind of trying to control everything…