How To Be Alone | 4 Healthy Ways
He who sits alone, sleeps alone, and walks alone, who is strenuous and subdues himself alone, will find delight in the solitude of the forest. - The Buddha.
Some people avoid solitude like the plague. Others love being alone and thrive best in solitude when they’re far away from the endless chatter of their fellow human beings. Unfortunately, in the individualistic Western society, loneliness is one of the most common reasons for misery, like mental illness and addiction. So I think it’s very important that people know how to spend their time alone in a healthy way, and not seeing it as a punishment but rather as an opportunity to grow as a person.
Hence, I present you 4 healthy ways to be alone. Being alone comes in many forms. We have extreme cases like hermits that spend most of their lives without socializing, and we have those more moderate ‘solitude-seekers’ that spend time by themselves for specific reasons like meditation, reflection, or achieving certain goals.
On the other hand, there are cases in which loneliness becomes a vessel for mental and physical problems, and even death. The term ‘lone wolf’ has quite a negative charge in society, because it used to describe people whose solitude was a breeding ground for hate that has led to violence.
So, regardless of the fact that loneliness is chosen or not; it's how we spend that time that decides the outcome. The ways I present in this video are practical as well as philosophical, and I hope you’ll find some value in them.
- Be your own best host. This is a practical one. When you spend time alone at home, imagine that you are a guest in your own house. How would you treat a guest? How would you talk to a guest? When we are mean to our guests, they will probably not like being around us. Thus, when we are mean to ourselves, it's not surprising that we don't like being around ourselves either.
“If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company,” said French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, and I think he's absolutely right. Now, we can apply this self-hospitality in many ways: the way we talk to ourselves (also known as negative thinking) and also if we cook ourselves a nice meal with the same love as we'd do for others, or if we don't allow anything better than a nasty microwave dinner.
Also, the preparation of giving ourselves a good time in solitude means taking care of our ego extensions. That it becomes part of ourselves. Thus, taking care of ourselves means taking care of our environment. Spending time alone in a tidy house has a better impact on our mood than spending time alone in a mess.
Moreover, the act of cleaning has a meditative effect on the mind, so preparing ourselves for some me-time by tidying the house is already a great start.
- Realize that we are always connected. Yeah, I know this sounds a bit contradictory. But, most people feel lonely when they are physically alone. On a Saturday night, while other people are outside partying and drinking, for example. When the dreadful fear of missing out kicks in, this sense of being separated from all this fun, joy, and pleasure can really make people suffer.
As a means to cope, people indulge themselves in unhealthy pleasures like drinking, drugs, or binge-watching porn just to numb the pain of loneliness. In a lecture, Chinese Buddhist monk and scholar Sheng Yen told about his experience in solitude and that he didn't feel lonely at all.
I quote: “When I was in solitary retreat, I knew that I was together with all sentient beings in innumerable worlds. Even though I seemed to be alone in a small, enclosed room, actually I was in company with many ants who found their way inside, and there were many insects around the hut who created all kinds of sounds in the evening.” End quote.
Loneliness is just a perception. We can perceive loneliness as something bad and horrible, and we can perceive a certain situation as lonely even though we aren't alone. As Stoic philosopher Epictetus stated: “Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things.”