How To Be More Likeable & Charismatic
Imagine walking into a room and feeling the atmosphere shift as all eyes turn toward you, not out of judgment, but pure interest and warmth. This isn't a rare, unattainable skill reserved for a select few; no, it's a powerful, accessible tool called likability, and it's something that you can work on starting right now.
Welcome to AX, but first, ask yourself this: do you believe that being liked is important? Is this something you want? Because we're going to answer that very clearly, and this is an answer that's based on psychology, evolution, and experience. We're not making any of this stuff up.
We're also going to look at why likability varies so much between people, how to tell when people do like you, and of course, things you can do right now, today, that will make you more likable overall. And before anyone starts piping up with comments like, "I don't care if others like me," or "I am who I am; if you don't like it, leave," first of all, I'm sorry people have let you down in the past. Also, don't kid yourself, okay? Being likable is, in fact, important. It is a part of a truly and fully successful life. In fact, it's one of the greatest qualities you can possess.
Now we get that being liked is sort of a double-edged sword. On one hand, working to get people to like you seems fake and desperate, but on the other hand, denying that you want to be liked is self-deception, and it's an unawareness of things that contribute to us living fulfilling lives. Being likable opens up doors and opportunities, and being unlikable, well, it closes them.
It's better to make small changes to yourself to work at the skill than it is to be sitting in a room alone, telling yourself it doesn't matter that nobody makes plans with you. At least you are true to yourself; it does matter, okay? It matters a lot.
Many of us have found ourselves on the outskirts of a conversation, watching as others weave their way through social interactions. Maybe you've sat in a meeting, ideas teeming at the edge of your tongue, only to watch them dissolve unspoken because the thought of drawing attention to yourself feels daunting. Or maybe you've scrolled through your contacts looking for someone to share news with but hesitate, fearing you're more of an obligation than a welcome distraction.
These are not just fleeting moments; no, they're a sign of a deeper longing for connection, acknowledgment, and a sense of belonging. Likability isn't about molding yourself into a universally adored persona; not at all. It's important for us to be liked because we function better, and we're more mentally and emotionally fit when we've got a strong social circle.
We thrive when we're able to connect with people, share experiences, swap stories, and develop an instant chemical bond. It's so rewarding for us and gives us such a deep-rooted sense of belonging. Likability is more than just being pleasant to be around; it's about making people feel happy and excited to see you. It's leaving others feeling like they've just had a fun healing session with you, and all you've done is talk.
It's more about how good you make others feel rather than just you being a cool person. In your career, being likable opens doors to networking opportunities, business partnerships, and leadership roles. It's a skill that can massively affect your career trajectory and your support system that will be there if you're going through a challenging time.
When people like us, we just… well, we feel better about ourselves. It can contribute to a positive self-image and can elevate our happiness to the next level. Social connections and relationships are far more fulfilling when we feel appreciated and valued by others.
But if you want to be likable, you do have to work for it. Some people have it naturally, and others need to train for these skills. While it's easier to blame other people for not having many friends or not being liked, the truth is it is probably you. If this keeps happening to you, time after time, person after person, then it is probably you.
People with natural charisma and extroversion will find it easier to interact with others, while those who are more shy might struggle more in social settings. Our past experiences, cultural background, and upbringing might also play significant roles in shaping our social skills and our self-perception. These factors can either enhance or hinder our ability to connect with others.
Most importantly, emotional intelligence, which is partly the ability to understand and manage our own emotions and understand the emotions of others, is crucial for forming likable social moments. However, it's not emotional intelligence that's going to get you started on the right foot; it's something a lot more practical and materialistic.
To be liked by people, you have to dress well and smell good. And listen, okay, we know this is controversial: why should you have to look good for people to like you? Well, a few things. First of all, it’s social conditioning, human nature, aesthetic appreciation, and information processing all rolled up into one. It’s not something you can protest against and completely change; it's an innate, instinctive judgment that happens in a split second when we meet someone for the first time. Their appearance is the first thing we notice; how they smell is the second thing.
Your appearance is a sign of respect for the social setting and respect for yourself. It shows attention to detail and a sense of personal pride—qualities that people admire. And the fact of the matter is, scents are powerful; they evoke memories and emotions and even influence our mood without us fully realizing it. When you smell good, it's not just about the actual fragrance but the subconscious message it sends.
Beyond the initial impression, there's also the natural human tendency to appreciate beauty and aesthetics. This isn't limited to art and nature; no, it extends to people as well. When you look good, it triggers a positive emotional response, making people more inclined to like you. Beauty isn't a one-size-fits-all concept; no, it's highly subjective. But the basic principle of aesthetic appreciation influencing likability still holds.
So here's what you'll do to dress better: first, figure out which colors complement you the best. Ideally, they don't clash with your skin tone or hair color. Take a photo of your face in natural lighting and go to a website like colorwise.me, upload the photo, and follow the instructions. They'll give you the colors that work best for you.
Finding a style that suits you is a little bit harder. If you can afford to hire a stylist for a consultation, they can help you out with the cuts, material, and style that you feel confident in that makes you look good. Your style will depend on your body shape, your personality, and the occasion, so it can change quite a bit. There are websites out there that can help you take style quizzes, but they're not always going to be effective. A professional stylist who can take a look at you in your closet and give you face-to-face advice is always something worth saving up for.
Next, smelling good: the basics are obviously that you have to be clean and hygienic, right? But finding a signature scent that is mild but alluring will draw people to you, and it's a great icebreaker. But just remember, okay? Do not wear anything too strong. It’s better to go with no scent than something overpowering, because that's an instant turnoff. Dousing yourself in cheap body sprays multiple times a day is not going to win you any social favor. People might physically struggle to be close to you, and it comes across like you don't know yourself or your body that well.
So to do this, go around a department store and play with a few select fragrance testers. Make sure to put each one on a different part of your body and then leave the store. Don't buy anything just yet. Something not everyone realizes is that every perfume or cologne will smell slightly different depending on who is wearing it. We all have a scent that is unique to us in our bodies, and the perfume mixes with that scent. That's why it's wise to test it on yourself and not one of those little scent cards.
A few days later, find the scent that's been popping out every now and then—one that not only smells good on you but also lingers. That is your signature perfume or cologne. Please, okay? Use it sparingly.
All right, so now that you've walked into a room, you smell good, your colors are popping, and you're looking around, what now? Well, next, you need to wear confidence, even if it's fake at first. Confidence is a weird thing because while it might seem like some people are really confident, that is really not always the case. Some people are better at pretending, and they know pretending to be confident isn't that hard.
As you walk into the room, you're going to smile, look around, and give a quick wave to the room. If you catch anyone waving back, even if they're in a group, walk over to them. If nobody waves back, just walk over to the closest group. Next, you're going to say something like, "Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting; I'm the Alux lady," or whatever your name is, and introduce yourself to everyone in the group one by one.
Repeat their name once they've said it to you. Find something positive that jumps out at you about one of the people there— not all of them, just one— and try to make sure it’s not related to their natural looks because this might really make the other people in the group feel a bit left out. It's better to say something like, "Great jacket, I love it," than, "Oh my gosh, you're so beautiful."
Most importantly here, it's wise to compliment someone who's the same sex as you, especially at first. If you're a woman, compliment a woman. If you're a man, compliment a man. It's these small details that can endear you to everyone or put you on the back foot. You need to understand this isn't intentional for everyone; it's not someone being deliberately difficult or mean.
Our brains interpret interactions faster than we can keep up with, and it's always on the lookout for threats. A confident woman walking in and immediately complimenting one of the men in the group puts the other women on guard, especially if their partner is there. It’s the same story with a confident man walking in, and the first thing he does is compliment a woman; it can put people on edge.
Look, okay, this might not be completely rational or fair; we get it. But it will make your life a bit easier to follow this little trick. It sends a message saying that you are not threatened, which is why you can compliment someone of the same sex and you're there to bring good energy to the group.
All right, now that you're in the group and you're a part of the conversation, what do you do next? Well, say nothing and do nothing at first. It's so tempting for us to walk into a place and try to establish a connection by talking about how we spent the last 10 minutes walking to this place in the rain and now we're soaked, and oh my gosh, it's crazy out there, isn't it?
This, well, it actually does the opposite; it puts people off because, well, it's negative. It puts people off because you've just walked in and made the entire conversation about you, and it puts people off because it's kind of boring. You've made your entrance and introductions, and now it's time for you to take a step back and listen.
Allow them to get back into the conversation they were having before you showed up. Listen, listen carefully, ask questions when you need clarification and understanding, and don't volunteer any information about yourself just yet. Don't try to relate to their story by talking about a crazier experience that you had.
If someone asks you a question, answer authentically and with enough detail to interest them but not too much that you start to bore them. By asking them or the group a question too, the most interesting people only start talking about their stories and experiences much later in the evening, and by then, people already like them. Initially, liking someone has nothing to do with their stories; it's got to do with the questions they ask.
So, what are the questions you could ask that would make people like you? Well, Alexer, we've still got lots of awesome tips to share about what to say when it's your turn to talk, the body language to use, how to keep the likability factor high, and of course, which questions to ask.
But you know, we're out of time over here, and we want to dig a little bit deeper into this topic, which is what we do on the Alux app. Click the link in the description to download our app and go to today's daily lesson, where we'll continue this discussion. It's time to have feeling valued, appreciated, and liked be something effortless and fun for you. We'll see you in the Alux app, my friend. Take care.