Stop Trying to Get It And You'll Have It | The Backwards Law

What if we’d try not to think of a pink elephant? This probably won’t work. Because as soon as the pink elephant appears in our minds, it’s impossible to get rid of it by consciously not thinking about it. And the more we try to get rid of it, the more it persists.

The elephant simile is commonly used to show how difficult it is to get rid of intrusive thoughts by force. But we could also use this simile as a metaphor for how we approach dissatisfaction with life. The pink elephant, in this case, represents our general dissatisfaction, which may manifest as negative emotions like sadness, stress, anger, or boredom. Ironically, the more we try to be less dissatisfied, the more dissatisfied we become.

So could it be that this inclination to be so invested in becoming free from dissatisfaction, trying to be happy, trying to be content, is exactly the reason we aren’t? Here we see the paradox of willpower, which is the basis of ‘the law of reversed effort’, also referred to as ‘the backwards law’ by philosopher Alan Watts. The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we feel.

Or simply put: the harder we try, the less likely we’ll succeed. On the flip side: when we stop trying, we’ll have what we want. So, if we want to stop thinking about the pink elephant, in this case, giving up our struggle and letting our ‘desire to get rid of it’ dry out is the paradoxical solution. Instead of trying to remove the elephant from our thoughts forcefully, we let it dissipate by itself by leaving it alone.

Now, how exactly does this backwards law work in practice? Or more specifically: how exactly do we get what we want, by not trying to get what we want? This video explores the backwards law and its paradoxical nature, as well as the cause of our ongoing dissatisfaction in life, and how we can liberate ourselves from it.

How can we get what we want without trying to get it? This seems like an impossible and absurd way to operate, especially in a world where we’re used to striving and putting effort into getting what we wish. Willpower is a viable solution to obtain things in the external world. For example, if we want to get rich (in the monetary sense), it most likely takes effort to obtain a certain amount of money that’ll classify us as ‘rich’.

And if we wish to run a marathon, we’ll need to put in the necessary effort to build our stamina up to the point that we can run such a long distance. But the backwards law isn’t so much not about worldly achievements - if anything, it transcends them. It’s about getting what we really, truly want. It’s the shortcut to the holy grail; the thing we’re all after; the goodie.

But what is it? Is it wealth? Is it love? Is it friendship? Is it a long and healthy life? Even though such things are pleasurable, they’re just cheap imitations of the real thing. They are the things that we believe will lead us to what we seek. But, as the backwards law makes clear, the more we seek, the less we find. The more we chase these outside circumstances, the further we’ll be removed from what we truly desire.

So, what do we desire? Do we desire happiness? And if so, what is happiness? Is it something that we acquire through things like love and material possessions? According to Alan Watts, we don’t know what we truly want because we cannot define it.

I quote: “Why don’t you really know what you want? Two reasons that you don’t really know what you want. Number one: you have it. Number two: you don’t know yourself, because you never can. The Godhead is never an object of its own knowledge, just as a knife doesn’t cut itself, fire doesn’t burn itself, light doesn’t illuminate itself.” End quote.

So, could it be that what we seek is obscured by our search for it? And that we’re searching for something that we cannot define? But if that’s the case: why do we keep searching? The human predicament is a collective delusion which tells us that obtaining external...